MAKING CHOICES

Between Cole standing quiet and still next to me and the dean glaring at us from the comfort of his spectacles, there’s tension. High, formidable tension.

Inviting us to his office and making us stand in front of his desk for minutes in silence is enough punishment, but now looking at us like we’re shite and then turning his laptop for us to see what’s on the screen… that’s absolute evil.

“You do realize this isn’t something that should appear on a school’s platform, right?” he asks us.

We say nothing.

I mean, what are we supposed to say? It’s the truth. 

What’s on the screen is the root of the chaos. Somehow, Cole managed to mistakenly show the note he captured this morning on the projector screen while lecturing. Students took a picture of it and spread it on the school’s official platform.

Now the news has gone far. There’s no stopping it.

“Are the speculations true or not?” the dean asks. “You have to say your truths because it won’t be fun when the investigation team takes over this case. It will cause huge damage to the school and to both of you.”

“It is true, and I’ll take responsibility for it,” Cole blurts out.

In my book, the best way is to deny it. Investigate all they want. They won’t find anything. But, as usual, Adrian is the man who plays by the book.

“Thank you for your sincerity, Dr. Cole. Now this matter will not reach my superiors. I’ll give my judgment here. You both are adults, and I cannot tell you what to do concerning your relationship. But it is also unlawful for a student and a lecturer to be in an intimate relationship in this school. Therefore, it’s best that you either quit your relationship and render a formal apology to the school or one of you leave the school if you want to continue with what you’re doing.”

Cole shifts in his position. “I will present my resignation letter to you promptly, sir.”

“What? No!” I shriek. “Cole, we have to talk about this.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Ms. Stone.”

Ms. Stone? Is that how it’s going to be now?

I huff, storming out of the office. One would think I was going home, but no. I’m actually heading to Cole’s office.

He’ll be here in a minute, and I want to talk some sense into him.

Speak of the devil, he casually walks in as I pace the office.

“What are you doing? We were supposed to discuss this as a couple!” I yell at him.

He quietly slips behind his desk and sits down, typing into his laptop. I bet he’s writing his resignation letter already.

“This is not up for debate, Ms. Stone; I should never have done what I did to you. It’s improper.”

“And then the sudden shift to formality? Does that also mean your feelings have been flipped off like a switch too?”

Cole sighs and rests his forehead on his palms. He remains in that position for a while before looking at me with tender eyes. “Look, Lilac, this is hard for me too. I’m having a hard time trying to process it all, and it pains me. It pains me that we have to end like this. But I should have been more careful so as not to expose us, or I should have waited until two years later when you finished school.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to make decisions for me or ruin your own career for the sake of taking responsibility!”

“What else am I to do? Let you leave school? Write a letter of apology to the school and quit dating? The first option is not an option, but the second…? That is just an illusion. There is no way I can bring myself to stay here after what happened, especially since we’d keep seeing each other, and it’ll be grounds for bullies to keep mocking you.”

“I can handle my own feelings and bullies. You should do the same.”

“Well, then I’m weak. My feelings for you are so strong that I can’t look at you every day and know I can’t kiss you or wrap my hands around you or even smile to you. It will hurt. Bad. Which is why I’m gonna resign no matter what.”

I let my shoulders drop as I sigh. Cole is saying the truth, though. There’s no way I’d agree for us to break up and remain in this school. It’ll pain me every time I see him. But, also, I can’t handle the thought of him ruining his career for me.

“If you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking, then be rest assured that I can find a job somewhere else even after leaving here. But you… it’ll be very difficult to get into another school.”

“It’s the same, Cole. This is a scandal. No one would want to employ a teacher who dates his students.”

“Ouch.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean it that way. I—”

“Stop worrying about me and worry about yourself, Lilac. Worrying about you is my job. Besides, my certificate is spotless. And, yes, I may not get the chance to work in this country again, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do so in another country.”

Wait… another country?

“What?” I spit out. Everything around me starts to sink. The air. The noise. All muted by clangor. He’s leaving the country? He’s not only leaving the school but the country as well? “You didn’t… I didn’t think…”

“Now you know, Lilac. I’ll have my tickets ready as soon as I’m done with the resignation letter.”

“While we argued about you leaving the school, we hadn’t talked about the nature our relationship will adopt, and now you’re leaving the country too? What will happen to us, Cole?”

“We remain as we are. Isn’t that the whole point of not breaking up in the first place?”

He said it with a smile on his face, but why don’t I trust that smile? 

Why do I feel uneasy?