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IT DOESN'T MATTER
publish date:
2026-05-30 15:52:55
Latest chapter
DO I HAVE A THING WITH MY PROFESSOR? THIS IS LIFE
I guess I’m not on the list of strong soldiers. Because right now Cole and I are seated across from each other in a coffee shop, coffee running cold, fingers twirling on the table, gazes shifting, and words hanging above our heads.“Why did you disappear?” I finally break the silence. My voice has turned hoarse, and that’s the only thing that neutralizes the slight harshness in my tone.“I had to.”“That’s not an explanation.” Now there’s where the harsh tone emerged.“I thought staying would make things worse for you, and I couldn’t bear that.”I huff. “Why do I find it hard to believe the first part of that sentence? You thought leaving was for my own good, but it wasn’t.” My eyes glisten with tears again. “Do you know what I had to go through? You ran away and escaped it all, while I stayed and faced it to the last of it. And you weren’t there to comfort me. It would have been easier had you been there. But, no, you chickened out like a coward, and now you have the guts to waltz in
DO I HAVE A THING WITH MY PROFESSOR? THE MOMENT
Lilac.
DO I HAVE A THING WITH MY PROFESSOR? I'M SORRY
Adrian.I did not leave because I wanted to. I left because staying would have ruined her.The day I resigned, I chose not to linger or allow myself to think because I knew that if I did, I might not leave at all.My colleague had tried to dissuade me from leaving the country.“You do know you can get a job in any school of your choice in this country, right?” the man said. “You are a high-demand teacher, Adrian. You rejected being a professor because you thought you were too young to become one. New Savors College is weeping to have lost you. And I’m pretty sure they would have expelled the student instead if that wouldn’t raise an unfairness alarm.”“That is exactly what I do not want. I want Lilac to finish her studies.”“Why are you protecting her anyway?"“Because I’ve fallen in love with her, and I can’t bear to see her in pain.”My colleague scoffed hard. “If you love her, you won’t leave the country at all. You’d stay to continue your relationship with her.”“I can’t.” Yes, I
DO I HAVE A THING WITH MY PROFESSOR? IT DOESN'T MATTER
Although the world shut down for a while when Cole left me, I’m determined not to make that a habit—I mean, even though Cole’s apology drops out of nowhere, or even if he appears right in front of my face.That determination is the hardest part of living, as classes continued, assignments piled up, and life moved forward with a kind of indifference that felt almost cruel.For the past weeks, I had been partially existing in fragments: physically present, emotionally somewhere else.Now, I want to shut out the whispers and judgments, and I’m getting accustomed to finding myself in the front seats.It’s not because I want to be seen, but because hiding did not save me.So what’s the point of hiding?“You’re different,” a course mate of mine notes one afternoon as I study in the library.I look up from my book to see her sitting across me, her elbows resting on the desk as she leans forward as if scrutinizing me.She has the guts to approach me, and I want to reply to her with ‘How’s tha
DO I HAVE A THING WITH MY PROFESSOR? LOVE HURTS LIKE HELL
I gave the driver the address to my own apartment. On the way, I still find it needful to keep calling Cole. The first few times, it went to voicemail, then the number started being unavailable.Now it just says ‘UNREGISTERED USER’ the moment I dial the number.He either blocked me or unregistered his number. I want to believe it’s the latter for the sake of my sanity, but it still doesn’t make things feel better.I try sending a text message to the number, but it says ‘message failed to send.'I even try sending him a DM, which proves unsuccessful as well. He has blocked me in all places. He doesn’t want to associate with me anymore. Is there something I did wrong? Is there something I said that provoked him? But now I’ll never get to know, will I?Out of anger, I toss my phone out the window. We had just started crossing a bridge, so the phone probably dived into the sea. I don’t care. I don’t give a fuck… At least, that’s what I try to tell myself.I don’t know how I’ll ever recove
DO I HAVE A THING WITH MY PROFESSOR? MY ADRIAN
“You should go. I have a lot to finish,” Cole says while diverting his eyes to his work.I try to draw close to his desk. “How about a kiss?”“We cannot be intimate on school grounds anymore, Lilac.” His tone sounds harsh, pissed even.“Okay…” I pull back. “Fine. I’ll… see you at your apartment, then?”Cole takes time to nod a response, and he isn’t still looking at me.I don’t know… I don’t get this new attitude of his. Is it that he’s trying not to show that he’s angry, or he’s just plain pissed at me?Anyways, I leave his office, and I meet the students crowded in the hallway.Walking through them, I try to shut out their voices and keep my eyes focused on my way, but that proves impossible.It’s as if everyone is talking at my face. My vision blurs, clangor attacks my hearing, yet that doesn’t mean I don’t see the faces zooming in on mine, or the gazes that have become sharper, or the loud whispers that intone their displeasure.“You’re just a student!” they say.“Dating your lect
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