78 Coming-of-Age Stage

Panic and worries crashed over me like a wave, and I burst into the kids’ bathroom, making Masha jump. The girl was standing by the sink, wiping her face after washing up, but my sudden entrance scared her so badly she dropped the towel and stared at me with huge eyes, breathing hard.

“What the hell are you barging in like that for?” she pressed a trembling hand to her chest. “What if I was taking a dump in here?”

Damn, déjà vu. Now Nazar doesn’t seem like such an asshole as he did back then.

“Sorry. I just saw…” I shuffle awkwardly, bending to pick up the towel. My gaze falls on the toilet, where blood-stained paper hadn’t been flushed. “Masha… tell me, did your period start already?”

At my question, the girl tensed up and realized I’d seen everything. So that’s why she felt so bad yesterday evening… and the blood by the door.

“Yeah,” she answered shortly, looking anywhere but into my eyes.

“Oh, baby,” I step closer and hug her lightly. “You should’ve told me right away. You shouldn’t be ashamed or embarrassed about things like that. It’s a normal stage of your body developing from a girl into a woman,” I try to comfort her. Even if Masha is small for her age, starting a cycle at eleven and a half isn’t that rare. Mine started at twelve. “But please, don’t use paper for this. It’s not practical and not meant for sensitive skin down there. I’ll bring you pads now. Does anything hurt? I can give you painkillers,” I look at her pale face with concern.

“Painkillers wouldn’t hurt,” Masha admits, her cheek twitching nervously as she looks down at her hands again.

Poor girl. She’s standing there like a little mouse, embarrassed and pale. Such a fragile, complicated age she’s entered. She needs an understanding mother more than ever right now, someone who can support her, explain everything, give advice, offer help.

And instead, she got an alcoholic mother who’s out of it and doesn’t want to change her life or make things better for her kids.

This damn unfairness pisses me off! Some people want kids and can’t have them, while others…

I go into the bathroom Nazar and I share, grab a pack of pads and liners, find painkillers, and head back to the kids’ room. Masha is still in the bathroom, sitting on the closed toilet, her head resting in her hands. Her long blonde hair falls between her fingers, buried in thick curls. She doesn’t see me at first, and when she looks up, I see pain and sadness in her teary eyes.

“Masha, does it hurt that bad?” I kneel in front of her, gently moving her hair back.

“You have no idea…”

She looked at me like someone who’s lived through everything life could throw at her. So grown, so tired, so wise. My heart clenched at the depth of that look.

“Hang on!” I hurry, pulling out a pill and handing it to her. “I’ll get water—”

“You’re a good person,” the blonde gives a faint smile, taking the medicine. “Thank you. And don’t take yesterday to heart. We’ll be fine.”

“Masha, I’ll give you my real address,” I say firmly, because I can’t just leave things like this. “When all this is over,” I glance around the room, “if you ever need a place to stay or things get really bad with food… please don’t hesitate. I live alone. You won’t be a burden.”

“You really think Nazar will back off, even if he loses?” she looks at me with irony, smiling slightly like I just said the dumbest thing imaginable.

“We made a deal.”

“God, why do you make everything so complicated for yourselves?” the blonde asks philosophically, then stands without waiting for an answer. After taking the pill, I leave her alone in the bathroom with the supplies. Luka is still sleeping peacefully, so I step out of the kids’ room.

“Where’d you disappear to?” I hear Nazar’s sleepy, husky voice. The moment I sit on the bed, he drags me under him like a pillow and grabs my boobs like he owns it. “Already missed my little panther…”

“I’m not yours!” I snap, angry and a little desperate. “Don’t call me that!”

“Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?” he purrs into my hair. “Doesn’t matter. Still love you.”

“Nazar,” my voice trembles slightly now, “you’ll let me go when I win this damn bet, right?”

He goes silent for a couple of seconds, and I don’t like it.

“You promised!” I get angry, but he just pulls me tighter against him.

“You win first, then we’ll decide,” he replies evasively, starting to kiss my neck.

“We’re deciding it now! We already decided!” I snap, my frustration turning into something heavier.

Because I love his embrace so damn much… and it hurts to know it’ll end someday. But at least then it’ll be mutual and honest, a real ending. Giving him hope, only for him to see disappointment in his eyes when he realizes how broken and useless I am… I can’t go through that again. Been there. Survived it. Barely. With Nazar, I won’t. It’ll destroy me. He got too deep under my skin, the bastard… Got exactly what he wanted. Only he doesn’t know it’s pushing me even further away.

“Anya, what’s wrong with you?” Nazar suddenly hovers over me, looking straight into my eyes. “You like me being around! I feel how you tremble in my arms! I know I matter to you! So why the hell are you fighting this? What’s holding you back?” he looks at me with anger and desperation, like he’s trying to find answers in my eyes.

I feel tears sliding down my face as I look into those beloved green eyes. My chest tightens painfully with everything I feel. I love him. This arrogant, stubborn, reckless man. Annoying as hell… and at the same time the most caring and attentive.

I reach for his lips myself, pulling him closer, surprising him. He doesn’t hesitate and deepens the kiss.

“This doesn’t mean anything,” I whisper, breaking away and tracing his face with my fingers, memorizing it for when we part. “You’re still just a dick with legs. Don’t get ideas.”

“I love you,” he whispers against my lips, and that traitorous lump rises in my throat again.

“And I don’t,” my voice trembles slightly.

He just hums meaningfully, saying nothing. Slowly leans down and starts kissing me again. His hand runs along my curve, grabbing my ass. Then it moves further, slipping into my shorts.

“Hey, the kids are awake. Masha for sure,” I break away, breathing hard. Heat flares between my legs instantly. His bold fingers are already inside me, and I arch. “What are you doing?”

“Corrupting my favorite girl before she runs off again,” Nazar smirks, his fingers drawing slow, maddening circles, hitting all the right nerves. “I can see it in your eyes, you’re planning an escape. Gotta make sure those stupid thoughts disappear nice and early. And I know exactly how…”