Chapter 1

TWO RED LINES.

I blinked faster than usual.

My heartbeat seemed to join the rhythm while my hands were shaking and sweating. I couldn’t take my eyes off the thing I was holding right now.

Damn! This can’t be!

Tumingala ako para hindi tuluyang bumagsak ang kanina pa namumuong mga luha sa gilid ng mga mata ko. Sa isip ko, isang masamang panaginip lang ito.

“Oh, God!”

My own voice pulled me back to the present. I blinked at what I was holding and looked around the room as reality sank in. 

This was not just a surprise. I was in serious trouble.

Parang kanina ay payapa lang akong kumakain ng umagahan nang bigla akong nakaramdam ng pananakit ng tiyan kasabay ng biglaang pagduduwal.

Agad akong nagtungo dito sa banyo at kinuha ang isang bagay na kailanman hindi ko inaasahang magagamit ko. Wala akong inaksayang pagkakataon at agad ko itong sinubukan.

At ito ang resulta. 

Now, the bathroom tiles felt cold beneath my bare feet. I stood motionless while the HPT test kit was clutched tightly between my fingers.

I closed my eyes as buried emotions surfaced with the memories of what I believed was the beginning of it all.

My breath caught in my throat. The fear settled deep in my chest and grew heavier until it pressed down on me.

Napatingin ako sa p***o nang bigla itong bumukas. Natigilan ako nang makita si Elisha sa bungad.

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa at nakita ko ang pagtataka sa mukha niya. Ilang saglit ay nabaling ang atensyon niya sa aking hawak.

Shit! Parang biglang sinikmuraan ako ng matinding kaba.

Lumapit siya sa akin at kinuha ang HPT test kit mula sa nanginginig kong mga kamay.

“Blythe, what is this?” nagtatakang tanong niya habang sinusuri ang test kit. Bigla siyang natigilan nang makita ang dalawang pulang guhit.

“Oh, my God…” mahina niyang sambit bago muling nag-angat ng tingin sa akin. “Blythe, are you…?”

Mabilis akong nag-iwas ng tingin at mariing napapikit.

How could my best friend not be surprised? I had no history of whispered affairs or public romances. How can I even explain it to her?

“I am… p-pregnant…”

Hindi ko na napigilang tumulo ang mga luhang kanina pa namumuo sa gilid ng aking mga mata. 

Ramdam ko ang bigat na dala ng dalawang salitang iyon. 

Mahigpit kong kinuyom ang laylayan ng nightdress ko habang pilit na pinoproseso ang lahat. Hindi ko alam kung iiyak ba ako, matatakot, o magagalit sa sarili ko.

“Hey, it’s okay, B.” Elisha wrapped her arms around me and softly rubbed my back. “I know you’re scared, but you don’t have to figure it all out right now. Just take it easy. I’m here for you.”

Lalo akong napahagulgol sa mga sinabi niya. Unti-unti na ring nanunuot sa isipan ko ang katotohanan sa sitwasyon ko. Kaya lalo akong natatakot dahil hindi ko alam kung saan at paano ako magsisimula.

Elisha eventually pulled away and gently brushed the tears from my cheeks before giving me a reassuring smile.

“Come on. Ayusin muna natin yang sarili mo.”

I nodded weakly.

She helped me fix my appearance, handing me some tissue to wipe my face and gently smoothing my disheveled hair. I took a few deep breaths, hoping to steady myself but my mind still felt like I was floating somewhere far away.

Parang nasa panaginip pa rin ako. Everything felt unreal. 

I still couldn’t believe that those two red lines would change the course of my life in an instant.

When we were done, Elisha guided me out of the bathroom and toward the living area. She helped me settle on the sofa before she went to the dining.

“Uminom ka muna ng tubig.” Inabot niya sa akin ang isang basong may lamang tubig.

“Salamat.”

Naupo siya sa kaharap na sofa at kinuhang muli ang HPT test sa bulsa niya saka pinakatitigan iyon. For sure, hindi rin siya makapaniwala sa nakita at nalaman niya.

My hand drifted back to my stomach. I did not feel anything yet, no movement, no sign of the tiny life forming inside me. And still, it felt real. Frighteningly real.

“Hmm, B…” Elisha hesitated for a moment, tila nag-aalangan itong dugtungan ang pagtawag pansin sa akin

“Hmmm?”

“That baby was conceived in Italy, right?”

I sat frozen, eyes slowly widening.

Hindi ko inaasahan ang tanong na iyon. Biglang naghuramentado sa kaba ang puso ko. Ang bawat tibok nito’y umaabot sa pandinig ko.

Italy flashed behind my eyes.

Warm nights, blurred decisions, and a truth I was not ready to unwrap aloud. What happened in that country was not just a place or a night. It was a mistake wrapped in longing and fear.

“You came back to our hotel looking like you were suffering from a terrible hangover,” paliwanag ni Elisha, concern evident sa boses niya. “You were wearing a man’s long-sleeved shirt, your hair was a complete mess, and you smelled like whisky.” Tumigil siya at tila inaaral ang reaksiyon ko.

Hindi niya alam kung ano ang totoong nangyari sa akin noong gabing iyon matapos kong mag-excuse na magbabanyo lang.

“B, I know you don’t drink alcohol, especially not whisky. Your alcohol tolerance is way too low for一”

“It was a mistake…” I cut her off.

I shyly looked away. My fingers curled tightly into my palm as if the pressure could keep the memories from coming back.

Heat crept up my neck and settled on my cheeks.

“I’m sorry, pero ayoko nang pag-usapan ang tungkol doon,” dagdag ko.

Tumahimik si Elisha, pero pagkatapos ng ilang sandali, lumambot ang ekspresyon niya. Ngumiti siya sa akin. Hindi judgmental ang ngiti niya, kundi assurance na nirerespeto niya ang sinabi ko.

“It’s okay,” mahinang sabi ni Elisha. “Hindi mo kailangang mag-explain. Saka na kapag gusto mo nang magkuwento.”

Marahang tumango ako. Ngumiti ako nang bahagya dahil na-appreciate ko ang pagrespeto niya sa hinihingi kong privacy.

“Go shower. Tatawagan ko lang si Geordane,” bigla niyang sabi, saka tumayo at nilabas ang kanyang smartphone.

Mabilis naman akong tumayo at hinablot ang kanyang smartphone. 

“No! You can’t call her!” I almost shouted at her.

I tightened my grip on the phone, as if it was the last piece of control I had left.

Itinaas ni Elisha ang kilay niya. “Then who? Bryce, your brother?”

Hell no!

Naramdaman kong kumawala ang dugo sa mga daliri ko. Mas lalong hindi niya puwedeng tawagan ang kapatid ko.

“Stop overthinking,” sabi ni Elisha nang maagaw ang smartphone niya sa kamay ko.

Nagtaas ako ng kilay. “How sure are you? Geordane is working—”

“G and your brother aren’t friends anymore. So, stop acting like Geordane is going to run to him with your secrets.”

Ibinaba muna ni Elisha ang phone at pinagmasdan ako. Nangigipit ang ekspresyon ko habang nervous na pinaglalaruan ng mga daliri ko ang isa’t isa sa aking lap.

Isang malalim na buntong-hininga ang  pinakawalan niya. 

“I’m not trying to expose you.” Lumambot ang boses nito. “I know you want this to be kept private. Ginagawa ko lang ‘to para makasiguro na okay ka at ang baby mo.”

Napatingin ako sa kaibigan ko, and for a moment, I fell silent.

I knew she wasn’t trying to force the truth out of me. She had been by my side from the beginning, and the last thing she wanted was to leave me to face everything alone when I barely knew what to do next.

“G? Finally!”

Geordane finally answered the call. After a glance at me, Elisha put the phone on speaker and focused on our friend.

Nanatili akong tahimik habang hinihintay kung ano ang sasabihin niya.

[Hi, E. Is everything okay? Napatawag ka?] tanong ni Geordane mula sa kabilang linya.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m with B right now. We were wondering if we could visit you at your office today.”

My eyes closed while my fingers are fidgeting over fear. 

[Sige. Hindi pa naman ako busy,] rinig kong tugon ni Geordane.

“Great. We’ll see you soon. Thank you, G.”

Nang matapos ang tawag, ibinaba ni Elisha ang phone niya at humarap sa akin. Sinabihan niya akong mag-ayos na at aalis kami pagkatapos.

Hindi ako nagsalita o nakipagtalo. Nagtungo lang ako sa kwarto ko at nagsimulang ihanda ang banyo at maligo. 

I let out a sigh as the cold water ran over me, hoping it would ease the tension building inside me.

Bigla’y bumalik sa alaala ko ang nangyari isang buwan na ang nakalipas.

One night in Italy had changed the course of my life. Though I had no regrets about the memory I had with him that night, I would keep it tucked away in the quiet corners of my heart.

But it ended there, just as it should have. 

I once hoped my child might grow up with a complete family, but knowing who the father was and the chaos a union between us would bring made that dream impossible.

So, I chose silence and distance instead.

What we shared in Italy would be my last glimpse of him.