26

I don't know what to do. I don't want to do what he asked me to do. It's very embarrassing and awkward for me. I've never done it, I don't even have a clear idea how to do it.

Why did he ask me that? Why did he do it if he knows perfectly well I don't want to?

Maybe that's why, maybe it was because he wanted to "punish me" for having soiled my mouth with those words, as he said. I shouldn't have said that. If I hadn't slipped away now, I'd already know what it's like to get to that place you promised to take me to, and I wouldn't have to find out for myself.

How will it feel to be there?

He said I'd like it. Although I'm still not quite sure what he means exactly, I guess it'll feel good to get there, for him to get me there, not to do it on my own. But, to be honest, I'm anxious to get to the end and know what it feels like.

He's done it three times already, he's left me like this three times already, he's stopped for one thing or another and he leaves me wanting more. I know th