Chapter 7

The engine beneath me roared to life, I kicked up the bike stand and adjusted my leather jacket before leaning down and pulling back the throttle. The wind whipped my hair that hung beneath my helmet. 10 years had passed since my family’s death, I had salvaged my fathers broken down bike that he had spent years trying to get running, it purred beneath me, a reminder of him every time I went for a ride. My mothers old locket and my brothers favorite jacket were the only other tokens of my family that I found in the wreckage of my childhood home. My heart had shattered completely at the state of my old town, buildings smashed in the fight, some burned down.. I wandered through the neighborhood, silent tears on my cheeks and a rage burning and growing within me. It was outside of Jensens home that I sobbed, my friend had died and the last moments we had together left me feeling hollow. I had abandoned him.

His house had been almost completely burned down, ash still fluttering in the wind despite the fire having gone out a month before. Nico had forced me to wait before I could make the trip to prevent any lingering rogues from finding me. I had secretly hoped they would, I could pierce my jaws into their throats and bring their deaths, or I would die next to my family’s home.

I had tramped through the ashy remains of Jensens house, hoping for something, I didn’t know what, maybe that I would find him hiding in the destruction. I had wanted to scream my apology, but as I crouched in the middle of the debris, I caught the corner of a photo poking out. The edges were burnt, but you could see the two of us, his arm around my shoulder and a genuine look of joy on our faces. I clung to it on the journey home.. even 10 years later I still ached with sorrow at the sight of it and so I left it hidden in a journal where I also wrote every story I remembered of Jensen.

I sped around a corner and slowed as a gravel driveway came into view, I kept my eyes peeled for any pups playing in the yard. Leah had found her mate the day she turned 18, he was a kind man with golden curls similar to her own, and a goofy smile. She spotted me through her front window as I pulled up and parked, I waved and dismounted before hanging my helmet and heading toward her front door. She swung it open, a pup on her hip and her large pregnant belly hidden under an apron.

“Jess! I swear I can hear that bike 10 minutes before you get here” she had aged quite a bit since we met, chasing 6 little kids around all day will do that to you, but she also radiated joy.

“Don’t be so dramatic” I laughed and rubbed her belly “when is Jessie Jr making her appearance?” I had joked every pregnancy that one of her pups would be named after me, but so far no luck.

“Everett” she emphasized “will hopefully be here any day, he’s as stubborn as his father, but I may burst if he stays another week”

“If he comes out a she, I expect the name to be changed to Jessie” I reminded her for the hundredth time before grabbing a freshly baked roll off the counter.

I helped her finish cooking dinner, despite being a lousy cook, I could at least stir or remove things from the oven. She chased her kids from the kitchen and poured me some wine while we chatted. Her mate was away helping with the rogue attacks, and she was nervous he wouldn’t be home in time for the birth. I insisted on sleeping on her couch just in case, I couldn’t allow her to be alone during this time.

“Any word from Ben?” I asked as I cleared the table and she wiped her youngest two pups clean from dinner

“He told me he should be heading home tomorrow” she shrugged, “I would have thought Nico would be more understanding that punk”

“I think he’s just under a lot of stress with his birthday a few months away and the rogue war”

“Have you given more thought to his birthday?” Leah asked, not meeting my eye. The subject was touchy and I often lost my temper.

Nico was being forced to choose a mate if he didn’t meet his true mate before his 28th birthday, then he would have to give up his claim to being alpha, something he had trained for his entire life. Without any brothers to take his place, he essentially gave up the pack. I couldn’t imagine stepping down as alpha and having to submit to someone else, Nico may leave all together if that was the case. He had asked me a month ago if I would consider choosing him as a mate since I had yet to meet mine. We had both spent weeks traveling together, visiting other packs and trying to find our mates, without any luck.

“I don’t know Leah.” I bit my tongue trying not to lash out, I felt so guilty any time mates were mentioned. I had abandoned Jensen, lost him because I always thought we should wait for our true mate, never giving ourselves to anyone before then. It wasn’t necessarily an outdated tradition for wolves, we grew up hearing of the magic found in a mate, that rejection only happened to those who didn’t wait. It was so rare but when someone met their mate and was already in love with someone else, the turmoil was too risky. I loved Jensen, but never wanted to risk his heart, my own, or our future mates.. if I had given him a chance, if I hadn’t been so caught up in waiting, would I have lost him?

“Look” Leah huffed as she heaved her youngest onto her hip, “there are record high unmated wolves right now, the rogue attacks have killed so many.. a lot are going to have to choose a mate..”

She wasn’t wrong, the odds were high that Nico and I lost our mates in the wars.

“And I still think you aren’t being truthful about nothing happening on those long trips away together” she raised an eyebrow at me and I grimaced before hurrying a stack of plates to the kitchen. I could feel my blush creeping down my neck. Nico and I had been forced to share a hotel or pack room together more than a few times. Lingering touches, and a weekend spent kissing in our shared grief. But we both returned home with an unspoken agreement to never speak of the events.

Nico had filled out well, his brown hair remained shaggy but he had a thick beard to match. He was tall and muscular but had lost his lean physique, and he looked at me with those dark brown eyes like I should have been his goddess given mate. I had fluctuated between infatuation and friendship the last 10 years, always circling back to guilt over Jensen and considering I’d never be worthy of having a mate. Maybe I’d end up like my Aunt, bless her soul. 

I cleaned the kitchen while Leah got her pups into bed, I spent the time considering Nico’s request, but I felt I wasn’t destined to be a Luna, I couldn’t possibly fill those shoes. If the moon goddess had wanted me for that, I would have been mated into it. Before i could finish the dishes, I felt Nico mind link the top warriors.

“Pack meeting, we will be arriving at the pack house in 2 hours”

I had climbed ranks, leaving Leah behind before she even met her mate and reduced her training. I was Gold rank 1 and part of the best in the pack, the 5 of us were the alphas direct warriors, called upon when things were urgent. I frowned, the water running but my hands still. They weren’t supposed to be back yet, my gut twisted at the implications.

Leah came scurrying into the kitchen looking nervous, “Ben said he’s on his way home”

“Yeah Nico is having us meet at the pack house”

We stared at each other, the war had been raging for 3 years now, the attacks 10 years ago were just the start and once we started fighting back against the rogues, things had gone quiet for a few years before a wave of organized attacks hit. Since then we’ve been constantly backing other packs, sending warriors to defend, or to train theirs. Our pack was the best of the best, we lost very few wolves despite having a hand in most battles during the war.

“Everything’s okay?” She asked, a crease in her forehead displaying her worry

“Hopefully some information” I shrugged, returning to the plates

“I can finish those” she said nudging me trying to take over

“Leah, I have plenty of time, you go put your feet up, you look like you’re going to pop”