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Kabanata 11
"Ito, tama na ba ito sainyo?" hawak-hawak niya sa kamay niya ang eco-bag na may lamang groceries. "Tahan na, huwag ka nang umiyak..."
Nang makalapit ay lumuhod ito para maglebel ang mukha nila. Panay pa rin ang hikbi ng bata. Pilit niya itong pinapatahan. Pinunasan niya ang pisngi nito gamit ang kamay niya. Napalingon ito sa akin kaya bigla akong napapitlag. Kanina pa pala ako natutulala sa kanila."I-iyong pamilya ko, Kuya. N-nagugutom na mga kapatid ko. Iyan nalang ang pag-asa namin..." sunod-sunod nitong sabi kahit na medyo nahihirapan dahil sa lakas ng sunod-sunod niyang paghikbi."May panyo ka ba diyan?" tanong ni Aquilino habang nagpupunas pa rin ng luha sa humihikbing bata. Tumango ako at saka dumalo sa kanila.Maingat kong pinunasan ang pisngi ng bata. Nakaagapay naman si Aquilino sa gilid at patuloy na pinapakalma ang bata.Kung kanina ay mapaglaro pa ang ngiti sa mukha nito, ngayon, wala akong makita kung hindi ang kalungkKaugnay na kabanata
For the Unloved Kabanata 12
When it's right, you'll know.I've heard that cliché so many times before—when you find the right person, when you get the right job, when you’re on the right track, you'll know—and for the longest time I couldn’t help but find that annoying. What does it mean to ‘know’? Would I have this fluttering heartbeat, this subconscious sense, this universe-given affirmation that this is exactly who I’m supposed to be loving or what I'm supposed to be doing?Until, suddenly, there wasn’t any doubt in my mind. Until I felt a sense of peace in my heart, in my soul. Until I realized that all the time before I’d been running around, searching in the wrong places, bouncing from thing to thing never feeling satisfied or like I belonged. Until I realized that my life had the potential to be good, really good, if I simply let it.I'd always been told that the 'right' things will come. People I looked up to cautioned me to not settle for anything less than what felt absolutely perfect—and not that it
For the Unloved Kabanata 13
"Ikaw ah. Ramona, bakit kasama mo 'yun?" Biglang sumulpot sa kung saan ang kaibigan kong si Maria. "Sino 'yun?"Nagulat tuloy ako nang ito ang sumalubong sa akin. Kasa-kasama ko siya rito pareho kaming pinag-aaral din ng mga madre. Siguro ay kakabalik lang nito galing sa pamilya niya. Mahigit isang linggo din siyang nanatili sa kanila.Mabuti nalang at nakaalis na si Aquilino. Hindi talaga ito mapanatag at hindi gugustuhin na hindi ako maihatid kahit nandito lang naman ako nakatira sa loob ng eskwelahan. Parang sira. Gusto ko nalang talaga matawa."Wala. Wala." Pag-iiwas ko. Hindi ito umalis sa kinatatayuan niya at tinignan ako ng nakakaintriga. "Maria, wala kang nakita. Huwag mong pansinin 'yun.""Talaga ba wala? Bakit may pakindat bago umalis?" Hindi pa rin talaga ito tumitigil. Mabuti nalang at umalis ang mga madre ngayon. Hindi pa umuuwi. Kung nasaktuhang ganito ang usapan namin at marinig ni Sister Si ay paniguradong magagalit iyon sa akin. Hindi ko din alam kung ano ang maaari
For the Unloved Kabanata 14
Bata palang ako, alam ko na ang pakiramdam kung paano kasakit ang maiwan— iwanan. Ikaw ba naman iwan ng mga magulang mo sa murang edad dahil hindi na nila alam kung paano ka buhayin? Alam na alam ko ang pakiramdam. Pero dahil sa mga kumupkop sa akin, nawala ang sakit ng nakaraan. They filled me with love that they think I deserved. Maswerte pa rin ako.Hindi. Napakaswerte ko."Wala naman akong pakialam...""Totoo ba 'yang sinasabi mo, Ramona?" Tinignan ako ni Maria ng puno nang pagdududa. Napayuko ako. Pilit hinahanap ang tamang salita."Oo naman. Ayos nga iyon, tumigil na siya. Wala nang mang-gugulo sa buhay ko."Nagulat ako ng bigla niya akong tapikin sa balikat. Dahil nga nakakatanda si Maria sa akin, madalas niya akong payuhan sa buhay at kahit mas matanda siya sa akin, hindi niya man lang ako hinayaang tawagin siyang ate. Ayaw niya nun. Tumatanda daw siya tignan."That's right. Focus on yourself, on what you want. He is just a temptation. "Tumango ako. Hindi na nagprotesta pa,
For the Unloved Kabanata 15
Bata palang ako, alam ko na ang pakiramdam kung paano kasakit ang maiwan— iwanan. Ikaw ba naman iwan ng mga magulang mo sa murang edad dahil hindi na nila alam kung paano ka buhayin? Alam na alam ko ang pakiramdam. Pero dahil sa mga kumupkop sa akin, nawala ang sakit ng nakaraan. They filled me with love that they think I deserved. Maswerte pa rin ako.Hindi. Napakaswerte ko."Wala naman akong pakialam...""Totoo ba 'yang sinasabi mo, Ramona?" Tinignan ako ni Maria ng puno nang pagdududa. Napayuko ako. Pilit hinahanap ang tamang salita."Oo naman. Ayos nga iyon, tumigil na siya. Wala nang mang-gugulo sa buhay ko."Nagulat ako ng bigla niya akong tapikin sa balikat. Dahil nga nakakatanda si Maria sa akin, madalas niya akong payuhan sa buhay at kahit mas matanda siya sa akin, hindi niya man lang ako hinayaang tawagin siyang ate. Ayaw niya nun. Tumatanda daw siya tignan."That's right. Focus on yourself, on what you want. He is just a temptation. "Tumango ako. Hindi na nagprotesta pa,
For the Unloved Kabanata 16
People always ask me what I want out of life like it’s a simple question with a simple answer. It isn’t. Or at least it doesn’t feel like it is.Because I just want too many things that contradict each other. I want so much that my real answer would overwhelm them.I guess that I just want so badly to be happy.I want to smile to myself. I want to smile at myself. I want to be somebody that is worth loving. I want to love myself.I want to be a person who is calm. I don’t want to over-react to the irrelevant nuisances in life, and I never want to let them distract me. I want to be motivated and ambitious and accomplished.I want to be honest. But not in the way that’s mean or brutal or harsh. I just want to be genuine and real. But I also always want to be understanding and compassionate, and I never want to be judgmental.I want to be the person who is always laughing. I want to be the person with the laugh that makes you laugh. I want laughter to keep me alive.Pero grabe lang. Ang
For the Unloved Kabanata 17
Why does time seem to move faster when you're doing something enjoyable and slower when you're bored? This phenomenon has given rise to a popular saying you've probably heard many times before: time flies when you're having fun. Why does it do that?Psychologists who have studied this phenomenon have confirmed that people do indeed perceive time differently depending upon their mental state and the activities they're engaged in. If you think about it, it just makes common sense.When you're bored or doing something you'd rather not be doing, your mind is not occupied and it tends to wander. When it wanders, it often wanders toward the clock, as you think about how much time must pass until you're able to do something you'd rather be doing.On the other hand, when you're happily engaged in an activity you enjoy, your mind tends to be fully focused on the fun you're having. You don't worry as much about time passing, because you're enjoying the moment while it lasts.I wish I could st
For the Unloved Kabanata 18
Caring is not a crime. Getting attached easily is not a sign of a weakened heart.We should be proud of our vulnerability. After everything we have gone through, it would be easier for us to say screw love, screw forever, screw happily ever afters. But we have not done that. We are still wearing your heart on your sleeve. We are still taking risks for love.It takes strength to hand over a bruised heart. It takes strength to love again after being torn apart in the past. It takes strength to act clingy.If someone does not see the value in our clinginess, if someone is uncomfortable with how much attention we give them, you should march your heart in a different direction. Your soft heart is meant to be appreciated, not mocked.Never settle for someone who makes you feel weird about how much you care."Unang beses mo ba ito?" He asked in a low voice.Tumango ako. Nasa loob kami ngayon ng sinehan. Isang psychological-thriller ang pinili namin. Nakapagsine naman na ako pero kasama an
For the Unloved Kabanata 19
All my life, I've been searching where can I found the real happiness that I need in this life. Through searching together with different people and travelling in different places... I found it in the most unlikely places. Sometimes happiness stems from loss— from the transformative power of letting go. "Pinatawad mo na ba ang mga magulang mo?" tanong ni Aquilino sa akin habang naghihintay kami ng aming order.Mas lalong napapadalas ang pagkikita namin. Nakahanap ako ng kaibigan sa kaniya, iyong tipo ng kaibigan na wala akong ikinahihiya. Ikinakahiyang i-kwento ang buhay ko, mga nangyari sa araw ko, mga kinaiinisan at kung anu-ano pa. Hindi ko alam na magiging ganito ako kasaya dahil sa kaniya. "Oo naman napatawad ko na sila." Sagot ko rito. Letting go of people who make us feel unworthy, relationships that are no longer benefiting us, feelings of self-doubt, unrealistic expectations that are controlling our lives, regrets, mistakes, and anything and everything else that is slowi
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