THE FALLOUT.

I didn't sleep. Well, I couldn't.

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him crying and shaking. I've never seen someone look so breathtaking as they shattered apart in my arms. He suddenly was fragile…made of glass and I was the one who'd dropped him.

"I don't know when I started wanting things I shouldn't want.” I whispered to myself…I've only ever wanted basketball, a girl, new shoes and a ball that wouldn't fail but suddenly…his voice echoed in my skull on a loop. Over and over and over until I wanted to scream just to make it stop.

I stared at the ceiling, replaying every single thing. The kiss, the way he'd looked at me after and the way his fingers had curled around mine like I was the only thing keeping him from drowning.

Fuck! What the hell was I doing?! What the hell was he doing to me?!

I threw my arm over my eyes, trying to block out the early morning light creeping through my blinds. My phone said 6:47 AM meaning school started in two hours but training in one.

I was so fuckin screwed.

****

When I finally dragged myself out of bed, I looked like death had exhaled into my eyes. Bloodshot eyes, messy hair and bags under my eyes so dark they almost looked like bruises.

I stared at myself in the mirror and wanted to punch the reflection because how the hell is that me?!

“I'm not gay.” I laughed to myself but I was ass deep in Kaelen. What a joke.

I'd said those words to Kaelen's face…well I screamed them, actually and then less than two days, I was kissing him in the dark, holding him while he cried, telling him he meant too much to me.

So what does that make me?

I splashed cold water on my face and tried to breathe.

“It doesn't make you anything. It just makes you confused and that's all. You're just goddamn confused.” I mumbled, drowning my entire face in water but even I didn't believe that lie.

*****

Yvette was in the kitchen when I came downstairs. She looked up from the stove, spatula in hand, and her whole face lit up.

"Leo! Good morning, baby." She gestured to the plate of pancakes on the counter. "I made breakfast. Sit, sit."

I froze in the doorway.

Baby.

She'd called me that last night too. When I cried into her shoulder…after I fucked up and said I felt like I was accepting her too quickly just when she felt like I was her own son.

And all I could think about was how her real son had his dick up my ass many hours before.

Fuck me.

"I'm good, Mom. I'll just grab something quick." I moved toward the fridge, trying to avoid her eyes.

"Nonsense." She pointed at the stool. "Sit and eat. You look exhausted." Gee, mom. I wonder why.

I sat and she quickly placed a plate in front of me. Pancakes, bacon, eggs, the whole thing and I stared at it like it was poison.

"Did you sleep at all?" she asked, sitting across from me with her coffee.

"A little."

"Mm." She didn't look convinced. "Kaelen came down earlier. He looked rough as hell too."

My heart stopped. I just remembered that the bastard wasn't in the room when I got up.

"What... what do you mean?" I tried to sound casual and I failed miserably.

Yvette frowned, her perfectly shaped brows drawing together. 

"Just tired. He said he didn't sleep well." She took a sip of her coffee, watching me over the rim of her mug. "You two aren't fighting again, are you?"

"Us? No." I shoved a piece of pancake in my mouth. "We're... good."

Good? We're good? I kept thinking but we were not good! We were the opposite of good. Infact, we were a fucking disaster waiting to happen.

"Mmhmm." Yvette didn't believe me. I could see it in her eyes but she didn't push. She just smiled, that warm, motherly smile that made my chest ache. "Well, if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me."

I nodded, swallowing hard.

Yeah. I'm sure you'd love to hear about how I'm getting vicious backshots from your son.

I ate in a hurry, packed her goodbye and ran out the door, jogging to school. I'd have waited for the boys but damn, I don't wanna be killed by coach.

*****

Darius was waiting for me outside the gym. His arms crossed, jaw tight and those stupid eyes locked on me like he was trying to read my soul.

"You look like shit," he said flatly.

"Well good morning good friend."

“What happened?”

“Long night.”

“But you look like you got run over by a trash truck.”

“We've established I look awful. Let's move on.”

"I mean it, Leo. Actual shit." He moved beside me, our steps in sync. "What the hell happened yesterday? You disappeared with the same Kaelen Blackwood and then you didn't answer any of my texts."

"I told you…I had a long night."

"Long night doing what?" He grabbed my arm, forcing me to stop. "I saw you, man. In his car and you looked like a hostage."

I yanked my arm free. This motherfucker.

“I wasn't a hostage."

"Then what were you?"

I opened my mouth, closed it and opened it again.

What exactly was I?

I was whatever Kaelen wanted me to be and that's just all I was. A mess of contradictions and bad decisions and a mouth that said one thing while my body did another.

"Nothing," I said finally. "It was nothing."

Darius stared at me for a long, uncomfortable moment. Then he shook his head.

"You're lying."

"Darius—"

"You're lying, and you're bad at it." He stepped closer, lowering his voice. "I'm not gonna push you, Leo but I've known you for two years. I know when you're going through something and whatever this is—" he gestured vaguely, "—it's eating you alive."

“It's nothing.”

“He beating you?”

I paused because how the fuck does this boy even think?! I turned to him confused.

“Beating me?!”

“Yeah! You've got eyes like you cried all night.” I said nothing back because if I looked this bad…I wonder how he looked. He finally spoke.

"Just... don't do anything stupid, alright?" Nigga too late!

"I won't." 

And I know he didn't believe me because I could see it in his eyes…like he was talking directly to my damn soul. But luckily, he let it go, clapping me on the shoulder before heading into the gym.

I stood there for a moment, trying to pull myself together.

Don't do anything stupid? If only he knew.