Viral Shame

Ayesha's POV

I held onto the torn edges and ran off towards the restroom. I heard some giggling behind me. When I got there, I sat on the toilet seat weeping and wondering why Chris had rejected me like that. He should have just accepted in front of everyone, then later we could have talked it out in private. Was that too much to ask, or didn't he care about my feelings the way I cared for his?

I thought about all those small moments I had held onto like they were promises. The time he had stopped in the hallway to ask if I had eaten. The two bouquets he brought without a reason. I had built a whole future out of those small things and apparently I had been building alone.

My mind went back to Gemma. She was the cause of all this. This is what she advised me to do and why wasn't she here comforting me like she used to? I wiped my eyes with the back of my palm, smearing mascara across my chin. I hissed when I looked in the mirror. Why should I care how I looked when this had just happened to me?

I stayed in that stall longer than I should have. Long enough to know that whatever was left of that evening was over. I straightened up, pressed a wad of tissue beneath my eyes, and told myself I wouldn't cry again tonight. I lied to myself. But I tried.

I stepped out slowly from the bathroom and into the get-together hall only to find that everyone had gone. The only thing sitting helplessly on a chair was my handbag. And as unbelievable as I would put it, Gemma was nowhere to be seen either. That meant I had spent too long in the bathroom. At least she should have waited for me.

I sadly took my bag and went home. Throughout the night, she wasn't picking my calls. Was she embarrassed too? But why would she be? She wasn't the one whose dress ripped with her undies peeking out, neither was she the one who got dumped in front of everyone. And it was all her idea, wasn't it?

When I got home, I sat curled at the edge of my bed with my phone face-up on the pillow, waiting for it to light up. I replayed the whole evening in my head like a punishment I couldn't stop giving myself. The ring I had saved up for. The green dress that didn't even fit. Chris's face when he said stop it was not flustered, not even regretful. Just cold. Like I was a stranger who had walked up to him at the wrong event.

My phone buzzed suddenly. For one hopeful second, I thought it was Gemma.

A message from one of my colleagues flashed across the screen.

Are you okay?

Below it was a video attachment.

My stomach dropped. I clicked on it and there I was, Kneeling, holding out the ring and then Chris rejecting me. What followed was the awful ripping sound.

I dropped the phone immediately. She had already uploaded it. A few minutes later another message came in. Some people asked if I was alright. Others sent crying emojis. One person sent laughing emojis before deleting them. It didn't matter. The damage was already done.

The video was out there. Everyone had seen it. I felt pity for myself, and that ridiculous video she made… I'd ask her to delete it as soon as I could reach her. Chris deserved an apology from me. I'd do that at the office tomorrow. But I hoped he let it slide. He cared for me, right? We were dating. He should just let it go.

I stashed the ripped dress away somewhere deep in my closet. I told myself I wouldn't throw it away or burn it. Maybe one day in the future, I'd show it to my children, if I got married and had them.

I woke up late the next day after I had promised myself I'd go in early so people wouldn't see me walking in. Dang, this was going to be disastrous. I fumbled through my shower after I brushed my teeth, which I wasn't sure I did properly. I grabbed a mint candy on my way out just in case.

The walk from the lobby to my desk felt like the longest walk of my life. I kept my head down, watching my own shoes move one step at a time across the floor. But even with my head down, I could feel things. Like when a conversation paused when I passed and the way someone cleared their throat. I knew what it felt like when attention was aimed at you. I'd been a target long enough to recognise the weight of it.

I put my head down as I navigated my way towards my spot in the office. People laughed about something and since I was someone who knew what it felt like when laughter was directed at her, I suspected something.

Pristine, who sat opposite me, was looking at her phone too, although she wasn't smiling. I had always known her to be very nonchalant.

"Excuse me, Pristine, what's going on? Everyone looks quite occupied. Is it work-related?"

"It would have been better if it was," she said flatly, and handed me her phone.

Yikes. There I was, proposing before a man, getting rejected, and getting my gown ripped between my ass.

The video had thousands of views already.

Someone had added dramatic music to it.

The comments were even worse.

I quickly looked away. I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry so bitterly, but everyone was there. Who knew who was holding a camera in my face today?

I swallowed my tears. "Thanks, Pristine."

She nodded, put the phone down, and went back to the paperwork she was doing. But where the hell was Gemma? This wasn't funny anymore. She had better fix this. I waited and an hour went by but she didn't show up.

Was I being too harsh? Maybe she was just sick, or worse. I dialled her number again but she didn't pick up. Why did you have to fall sick after exposing me like this, Gemma? I had almost forgotten my heartfelt apology to Chris.

No. That wasn't true. I hadn't forgotten, I had been avoiding it. The more I thought about yesterday, the more confused I became. Chris and I had been together for four years. Four years. Surely he didn't mean to humiliate me. Maybe he was angry or I had caught him off guard. Maybe if I explained myself properly, things would make sense again.

I couldn't sit here imagining answers. I needed to hear them from him. Despite being uncomfortable, I picked myself up and went to his office.

Knock knock. I hoped this worked out.