1: Grind The Stranger

IMANI WHITE

I can't believe I was doing this.

But even though I knew this was irrational and stupid and that he would probably dismiss me, make me feel small, and end up being a laughing stock, I still had to go ahead with it.

Because the other option was worse—getting tagged as a prude by my new friends—it was losing my new college friends that I barely managed to secure. This was like a rite of passage to prove myself worthy of their friendship.

And you think they will stick with you if you can't get the man to agree?

My heart pounded faster, but I couldn't back down. I could still hear the hype and cheers over the loud bar music as I made my way to the lone stranger in the private part of the lounge.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can't…

I realized this when I stepped into his space. He was sitting alone, a half-empty glass and a bottle in front of him. Looking up close at him now, I realized he was older than I thought. He had to be in his late 30s, and he was devastatingly handsome.

And there was no way someone like him would allow me to touch him.

I looked at the clique that dared me. They were sitting in the public area of the lounge and staring expectantly at me. They could see me because I was standing, but they could only see the stranger's head because he was sitting, and the lower partition wasn't see-through like the upper one, which was glass.

“How may I help you?” The voice brought me back to the present, and I looked away from my friends-to-be to the stranger. He was looking at me, brows arched, face blank.

My heart raced faster, and my palms grew clammy.

I can't do this.

This was stupid. Unethical. It was what loose, uncultured girls do. I wasn't uncultured and shouldn't be doing this because I wanted to prove myself to a bunch of girls I met two days ago. I should leave.

But I couldn't leave.

This was my first shot at friendship. I couldn't disappoint them when all they wanted was for me to grind this stranger and prove that I was worthy of being their friend. They weren't asking for too much—just a five-minute lap dance.

If I should leave now, I would prove myself a loser and a prude who didn't deserve any friends, and it wouldn't end there. The news would spread across the school. Other girls wouldn't want to be my friend. The boys would point at me and snicker. I would become a loner who finds dead rats in her locker and stabs pictures of herself as a Valentine's gift.

I've tasted it before.

That sting of loneliness, the bite of being an outcast. I knew what it felt like to be alone and lonely, to go to High School every day knowing that it was nothing more than a war zone.

College was my clean slate, and I was determined to prove myself, start over, and have a girls’ group that would like and revere me.

This was just a necessary evil.

Except that it wasn't easy. My tongue remained glued to the roof of my mouth as I stared at the man. He was still looking at me, his face impassive, and with a face like that, it felt like I couldn't do anything.

“I… I’m sorry, but my… My friends asked me… It was a dare to grind a stranger for a couple of minutes. I know it's stupid, and you don't have to agree. I'm just sorry to… I’m sorry to disturb you like this.”

I rasped out till it felt like I was out of breath, and I was practically gasping. He didn't say anything, and I expected him to laugh at my face, call me a stupid, fat girl, and throw me out.

But he didn't do that. Instead, he pushed the small table out of the way and leaned further back against the cushioned chair.

It took seconds to understand that he was inviting me to climb onto his lap.

“Go ahead,” his voice sounded like a command, one that propelled my legs forward before I could even think. I glanced briefly at my friends again and their expectant and admirative look fuelled me.

They were going to like me.

I climbed onto his lap, and my problems took a completely different turn. His scent took over my senses, and it was something ancient and woody, along with the firmness of his body, with its tight muscles and strong biceps.

And him… I mean, him, down there, beneath my core. I could feel it because I was sitting on him, and it felt… It felt like I was sitting on him without anything on.

“Are you not going to move?” his voice has turned deeper, huskier that it felt like it was full of sin and filthy things.

I started to move, slowly by rotating my hips back and forth, then moving them back and slamming them against him.

He didn't look away from me for once, and I couldn't close my eyes. I expected it to be embarrassing, but instead, it felt liberating, and the more I moved, the more emboldened I felt. I let loose and moved faster, slamming myself against him, bouncing on him, rocking him till it hardened into a thickness that I could feel, and rocking against him like that made a moan slip out of my mouth.

His eyes darkened and dropped to my lips as if he wanted to capture the sound and hear it forever, and also as if he wanted to wreck my lips. There was a feral hunger in his eyes as he stared at my lips, and the intensity scared me so much I bolted off his lap.

I didn't look back. I walked with wobbly feet to my friends, and I ignored how hot and bothered I felt. Ignored the fact that my panties were sticking to my pussy, and I ignored the fact that I was thinking of riding him like that without any clothes on.

I closed my eyes. The best part was that I would never see him again. I couldn't handle ever seeing him again.

When I arrived at our table, I expected to see my friends cheering and hyping him, but Tami and Jessica handed $20 notes to Davina instead, and they did not pay me any attention.

“Well, that was surprising,” Tami said as she sipped from her drink. I made a bet that you wouldn't even go ahead with it at all.”

What? My legs turned into half jelly.

“And I made a bet that the man you pick would turn you away because I mean,” Jessica paused to eye me up and down, and the disgust in her eyes was clear: " Who would want a girl like you?”

My legs gave way beneath me, and I dissolved into the chair like a house of cards. I couldn't believe this. They were my friends. They possibly couldn't have done this to me.

“And I bet that you'd go ahead with it,” Davina said casually, “I mean, we've heard about the kind of prude and loser that you are in Zenith High, but I assumed you should have gotten some kind of character growth. Thank you for not disappointing me and earning me a week’s matcha money.”

She held the bills up triumphantly while my head spun. I couldn't believe what they were saying. I couldn't believe anything. I couldn't believe they stood up and left me like that. The girls I thought were my new friends, the girls I threw my morals away to please.