16/04/2021

I throw my head back , my short black hair whips through the air – not as elegant as the models do on television , but just sexy enough to make bite his lip and groan at the sight. I lean back into soft fabric , my back arching. The back seat of his white Toyota Tazz , a place I have become very familiar with over the last 3 weeks – is scattered with clothes , shoes and , of course – cum.

 My head falls back and are comforted with the cotton fabric that covers his seats. I swear I hear a car go by but I cannot be to sure as I am trying to catch my breath. I suck in air , trying to make up for all the air that I had missed out on. My breathing is hoarse but nevertheless , it seems to be going back to normal. I am so concentrated on getting my breathing in order that I do not realize that my eyes are leaking due to having a bad gag reflex and my mouth…is a mess. Spit and the mixture of his cum slowly drips and drags down the side of my mouth – slowly making its way down to my chin. I hear him suddenly groan , my head turn to face him. His eyes darken with lust – his eyes focused on my current state. My leggings lays on the floor , tangled with my underwear. This means my entire lower  body is naked to his eyes, his hands makes their way slowly to my thighs.

“Baby girl , tell me something…” he speaks to me , lowering his husky voice.

“Were you a good girl for me this week?” he gently pulls me to him. I am cradled ; his hands wraps me in a hug , as my legs are thrown over his own. My legs are dangling , but its oddly comfortable. I am gently pressed against him – and for a second , I feel love and affection radiate from his gentleness. For a moment , I felt like I was special to someone.

My face fits comfortably in the crook of his neck – my lips grazing his tattoo , which makes him hold onto me tighter. I take a deep breath in – my nostrils are filled with the many wonderful scents – him. There was always something about his scent that attracted me – was it the musky manly scent or was it his manliness that complimented it.  My senses help me to take in all this information about him – about us. The information is stored in my brain , readily available for me to revisit when this is all over.

Touch…His hands – rough , calloused but gentle as it runs all along my body from my thighs , to my chest. The way they leave a trails of affection and love as they move all over my body , as they cup my face. The feel of his body pressed against my own – our body fit together perfectly like we were matching puzzle pieces.

Sight… I look into his eyes , I see so many emotions. Lust , want , need , desire -however , I see a glint of love and care but I know that it is impossible for him to feel that way.

Sound…My ears tingle from the sweet things he whispers to me. They flow from my ears , and reside in my heart. Though , I try to prevent that from happening – I try closing my hearts doors to it. I feel his sweet notes pry those steel doors open , and comfortably make my heart it’s home.

Taste… When our lips touch , an indescribable taste is what I taste. I taste the lips of a man who does not want me , but he cannot keep his hands off me. I taste the passion and need on his lips , the need he has for me.

“Answer me!” he says in a harsh whisper. His hand moves towards my wetness , but it never meets it – not yet at least. His thumb and pinky finger puts pressure on either sides of my both thighs – prying them apart. It is never hard for him to part them , my legs were jello for him – always going weak for him.

“I was…good” I say in my small voice. My breath hitching in my throat as I feel the crisp cold air rush and meets my wetness in between my legs. My face still buried deep in his neck , I love this position. I feel safe here , cocooned in the lion’s mouth.

“Hmmm…Did you speak to any guys?” he questions me. A question that he had never asked me before. My heart swells with hope – hope that he actually did care about me.

“Yes..” I say , experimenting. I try to see his reaction but his other hand keeps my face in place at his neck.

All at once , I feel his thick fingers penetrate my wet opening. I gasp at the unexpected action and at the unexpected pleasure that has just hit me. I feel his passion and possessiveness , as his fingers mercilessly pound into me. The pain – the pleasure is immense. I scream into his neck , my nails dig into his forearm – which just fuels him even more.

“Will you ever talk to another guy again?!” he coldly threatens me.  My heart accepting and flatters at this threat.

“No... I promise!” I scream out to him without much thought.

“You promise?! You are mine , you belong to me!” he says harshly into my ears. I feel a sudden wave of pleasure run along my body as he delivers 3 slaps to my sex – they were not painful , more like sweet pleasure. My heart latched onto those words , it latched onto his anger and interrupted as he cared. His exotic torture does not stop even as I continually scream out those same words. He does not stop until I reach my climax and crash into him from exhaustion.  His arms wraps around me , holding me close. I can hear his heartbeat , as my head finds it’s way to his chest. He cocoons me in a hug as I ride out my climax. I feel an emotion fill my heart up to it’s brim – I feel the care and love in which he radiates from this hug. It feels different – it feels like he never wants to let go. My heart does backflips as butterflies circle in my tummy – giving me a giddy love sensation. We stay like this for what seems like hours – in my head. However…there is some dark feeling that clouds my mind. Something feels off…

“This stupid leggings!” I huff and puff trying to get the skin tight leggings on me. I hear him chuckle from the seat next to me. I do not need to face a mirror to know that I look a total mess. My forehead drips with scorching sweat – its safe to say that the inside of this car was a burning furnace. I feel the sweat from my neck drip all the way down to my chest , creating a pool in my sports bra. Struggling and flopping like a fish out of water , I successfully put on my leggings. Time for my socks.

“So what did you want to tell me?” he breaks my huffing and puffy moments with his manly voice. My heart just melts at the sound of it.

“Hmmm okay…so…hmmm” I try to find the right words to tell him. He chuckles again , causing my face to turn red with embarrassment.

“Just tell me” he says watching me intently.

“Hmmm so…I am kind of getting attached to you…” I say , thinking that telling the truth will help this pain in my chest.

“And that is why we should stop…” I finish , looking down at my fingers.

“I thought about that to. Yes , we should stop” he responds as if it is the easiest thing he could of done. My heart shatters as I hear this – though I knew this was coming , I did not realize it would hurt this much. He jumps out off the back seat of the car and takes a seat in the driver’s seat. The comfortable heat that I had felt is now gone – and I am left alone back here. Trying not to break in front of him , I look around trying to gather my things. He turns around and puts a fist out. I look at him confused.

“We stop this now…We will not avoid eachother , we will continue to be friends – who knows I might even help you find a boyfriend” he says jerking his fist closer to me. A fist pump is what he wants – like a friendly hand shake to agree on a deal , this fist bump will destroy every good memory we had. Our fists collide – at the touch of his hand , my heart shatters to a million pieces. I will not give him the privilege to watch me cry , so I smile at him with that smile that he said he always loved. We sat there in awkward silence  - I did not want to leave him , but I knew deep down he wanted me gone. He did not know how to tell him to get out of his car. If I leave this car now, every good memory here will die for him – but for me , it will live on , replaying itself in my head.

“Yeah...so bye” I say awkwardly , leaving his car – trying to escape the rejection that suffocated me. I walk around the car , placing my bag upon the small platform. With one swift movement , I jump onto it and sit while holding onto the wall next to it for support. I am facing him but from outside. He starts his car , and before he leaves he sticks his head out off the window and says…

“Do not think about me too much” and with that , he speeds off. I see his car starting to disappear into the distance.

I cry out in pain , as soon as his car disappears. A stinging sensation erupts from my knuckles and flows it’s way all over my body – stopping at my heart ; the pain linking up. My fist stays against the wall – my punch did little to no damage to the wall. The wall was attacked but it was my knuckles that suffered the blow. Pulling my fist away from the wall , I stare at the blood that leaks from my knuckles. Red is pretty.

I stare at it – feeling my heart tear from it’s seams. I lower my head , taking a hold of my vest so that I could wipe my hand. I see my training vest has already been tainted with my blood. I see his finger prints made of my blood –  his finger game was so strong that he had tore me apart , his bloody fingerprints are proof of that. My tears begin to fall , drop by drop – tear by tear.

To be quite honest , I did not expect to get this attached to him….since he is married.

Yeah I said it…

I know some people would come to all kinds of conclusion as to what type of girl I am. Being a home wrecker is someone I am not , that is why I had to tell him we should stop. But why start having hook ups with him in the first place?

Well…It’s complicated. Nothing I ever do is simple.

I have a bad case of people pleasing , and I can not say no – even if I want too. However , the worst one from all is that I men please as well. I feel some kind of happiness when I make men happy – sexually or not. It is not something I can control – I do this without even realizing it.  I see myself as this doll – this play thing. Men play with this doll , use her as much as they want – even if they hurt her , she does not worry nor does she stand up for herself. When they are tired of the doll , they throw her away.

It was not always like this…

The doll was once a truly beautiful one – the ones that were kept sealed so it was untouched by dirty hands. She loved that feeling of being sealed away – she knew that the right hands will unseal her oneday , and the right hands will look after her the way she was supposed to be treated. One day , the wrong guy saw her. He claimed he loved her and when she let her guard down – he ripped through her seal , shocking her. He had stole her dreams away , he treated her like a rag doll – tossing her around , using her in ways she was not supposed to be used. He got tired of her eventually , and left her on the ground. There was a hole in her – she forgot what it felt to be treated right. She lost sight of her price , she lost sight of her worth. So she goes around , looking for a man to treat her the way she feels inside – dirty.

What used to scare her and frighten her , now takes her high on cloud 9. When she is illtreated by men , she smiles. They are doing exactly what she wants them to do. That feeling of being used , is her punishment – that’s her self-inflicted pain.