Pretty Lies

For the first time in a long time I feel happy. Not only am I having a child, but Daniel has made an incredible change since I became pregnant.

At first I got incredibly scared because his reaction was horrible. His face broke down and his scent started to reek like horror, like it was the worst thing he ever heard in his entire life.

He had to excuse himself for a couple of minutes, but when he came back, he took me by the hand and assured me that no matter what happened, he was always going to be there for me, to take responsibility for our pup and a lot other things that left me completely confident on the fact that things will be okay.

From that day on, I can feel how something changes between us. It’s the first time I can say that we start to be a normal couple, as husband and wife, alpha and omega, as we said in our vows when we got married. Daniel cares about me, he touches me all the time even though it's not in a sëxual way and suddenly it doesn't feel like I'm forcing him to spend time with me. Suddenly, he feels comfortable and we can talk at night, lying down without Daniel looking like he wants to get up and run.

Life is wonderful... until it's not.

Five months into my pregnancy when my stomach is finally out and obvious and my beautiful pup is starting to look like a full baby... I start having horrendous pains. Pains that won't even let me walk and fill me with immense worry. When the doctor checks me out, she calls my situation a high risk pregnancy and my heart stops.

Daniel holds my hand when we hear those words, while I’m trying not to lose my mind and not to be pessimistic. The doctor leaves to give us a few moments alone and that's when I start to cry.

I can't lose my pup, I just can't.

I don't know what I will do with myself if that happens.

Daniel lets go of my hand to wrap his arms around me completely and pull me in until he is holding me tightly. He buries my face in his neck and starts stroking my back, telling me everything I need to hear right now and more. I hear him start to cry too and I can smell that he’s feeling guilty. I have no idea why he might feel this way, but I can't ask him right now, I can only cry and hug him, praying to Mother Nature.

I don't tell anyone that I have problems with my pregnancy, only Deborah and my family know. I post pictures on my social media as if everything is fine, but nothing is fine. I am not getting better. I have no idea what is wrong and my doctor doesn't know either, we just know my pup is not doing well. He's not making it.

I try to talk to him and pass my strength to him, but I lose all hope when my wolf falls into depression. She knows for sure now that he won't make it. Although she was always worried because we both know that couples who are not compatible don't always manage to conceive. I thought our pup would be a miracle, but....

I try to ignore my wolf, of course. I try to reassure myself, but one day I wake up and I know something is wrong. Daniel knows it too, although we both try not to say anything about it so as not to make it a reality, but Daniel decides not to go to work. He stays in bed with me caressing my belly and scenting my hair, trying his best to make me feel better.

Daniel may not want me or love me like an alpha should love his omega, but one thing I am sure of is that he is a good man. He loves me... I don't know in what way, but he loves me. And that's enough right now.

"No matter what, Clara," Daniel begins, his voice trembling and eyes wet, pressing a kiss to my forehead, "I'm going to be here for you always. Always."

I can't even answer him because my tears start to flow. I know he knows something I don't, his alpha instinct is telling him something, but I can't listen to him right now. I need to be alone.

I move to get out of bed for the first time all day, but as soon as I'm on my feet, I feel the sharpest pain I've ever felt and I let out a sob. Daniel gets out of bed at that very second and manages to grab me before I fall to my knees on the floor.

"We're going to the hospital, honey. It's going to be okay," he says in a strong voice and settles in to carry me in his arms as if I weigh nothing. I don't understand his conviction to go to the hospital until I manage to look at the bed and see a large bloodstain where I was lying.

I know what it means and Daniel knows it too.

➿➿➿➿

I don't even need to get to the hospital because I already know what's going on. As soon as I get into Daniel's truck I can feel that... there is no life inside me anymore.

I can't cry and I can't even register the words Daniel is saying to me. I feel nothing.

As soon as I arrive at the hospital they put me on a gurney and Daniel walks beside me until they force him to stop. The doctor tells me what I already knew and when they inject me with anesthesia to remove my dead son, I fall asleep without having said anything or even cried once.

When I wake up for the first time without being pregnant, there are a lot of people around me. My parents, my sisters, Daniel and Deborah. Even Robbie is here. They all ask me how I'm doing, but I can't say anything without losing my shït completely, so I just shrug it off. I feel incredibly horrible, but it's nice to know that all the people I love are here to support me.

My dad's presence and his words of comfort are the only thing that make me react a little, but when visiting time is over and my parents try to push to stay here, I realize I don't want that.

"Can I... can I be alone for a while?" I ask, my voice raspy and low. My mother tries to retort that I shouldn't be alone right now, but I only have to connect eyes with Daniel for a second and he knows that's exactly what I need. He gives me a silent nod and arranges for everyone to leave my room. He comes over to give me a kiss on the lips before leaving, too.

Maybe if he was my real alpha I could share these moments with him, but he's not. And only when I'm alone do I get to open up. Only then do I allow myself to feel the absolute fucking misery and let myself cry.

For my pup and for me.

For how shitty my life is and how little I'm liking it. I even think: what the fuck am I still doing here? Why do I still live?

I know I shouldn't think like this, but I can't help it as I cry with a pillow on my face to drown out my sobs.

I don't want this. My life sucks. I hate everything I am and now I will have to deal with this shit life knowing that I had a son and he is no longer with me.

I don't know how long I spend crying and crying, but when my door bursts open, my face is completely wet and I have to blink several times to recognize the person.

"What happened? Where's Daniel?" Declan, Daniel's father, asks. I have no idea what he's doing here or how he found out about this. Daniel and I have had minimal contact with his family for months.

"I don't know where he went, maybe he's eating," I answer, uncomfortable. When he stares at me waiting for me to tell him what's going on, I let it out in a whisper, "I lost the baby."

"What? you lost his baby?" he repeats in a horrible voice, his face disfiguring with anger and his scent stinking up my room. His reaction scares me, "How could you let that happen? How the fück could you kill your son?"

I’m completely shocked by his outburst, I have no idea what to say, "It was an accid..."

"I don't give a shït! You had one job, Omega. One fücking job," he yells, starting to approach me in an intimidating manner. This isn't normal, what's wrong with him? "How fücking useless can you be? What good is an omega for if not to deliver a baby?! How fücking hard can that be for you?"

I'm so scared that I can't do anything except grab the sheet with my two hands as if it were a shield. Declan starts to move closer to me with crazy eyes, "You killed my grandson, you useless bïtch!"

"Stop, please," I cry and squeeze my eyes shut as his words stab my heart in the worst way and I don't even register that someone is getting in the room until Daniel crashes into his father to stop him from getting closer to me.

"WHAT THE FÜCK ARE YOU SAYING TO HER?!"

"Let go of me, Daniel," Declan complains, trying to push Daniel away uselessly, "Why the fück didn't you warn me that this useless bïtch killed your son? I'm not important enough for you now, huh?"

"Shut the fück up and leave right now," Daniel blurts out without falling for his father's provocations. Over time I've seen his dad talk to him like that and I've seen how Daniel just breathes and accepts his stupidity, but he doesn't do it this time. This time he stands tall and exerts his alpha power over him, "Get out of here right now or I swear I'm going to hurt you. I don't want to hear another word."

Daniel's father agrees to leave, but he keeps spitting curses all the way out and Daniel follows him, threatening him and leaving me alone again. This time when I start crying it's because of another even worse feeling that I don't even know what to call.

This is the worst day of my life.

Or it is, until the day of my baby's burial comes and Daniel's stupid family arrives again and they start causing such an scandal that even my father has to get involved. A lot of people are here and the fact that they are watching all this causes me sort of an emotional shock.

If they all stop thinking my life is perfect, what the hell am I going to do?

Daniel's father yells that I'm a murderous bïtch, a useless omega and keeps saying this was all my fault. Amelia just stands next to him, agreeing. And Daniel’s brothers are just standing there.

Every word Declan yell hurts more and more and even though I can feel how everyone feels collective pity towards me instead of agreeing with his words, I can't stop feeling ashamed.

I am a useless bïtch, he’s not wrong. And something inside my body did kill my pup. He is right.

But all that's an issue I'll deal with later when I'm locked up alone. Right now the biggest thing I feel is embarrassment.

And even though my father shuts him up and tells them they have to go, Declan goes on and on as he leaves.

But I just close my eyes as if that can cover me from him and his horrible words. I need to calm down. I'm not alone yet, I have hundreds of eyes on me, I can't lose my posture.

"I'm so sorry, Clara," Daniel blurts out coming to me with horror in his eyes, his whole body is shaking and when he hugs me, he squeezes me tighter than ever, "I can't believe he keeps saying that and my mom and brothers just stand there. They’re all fücking crazy. I hate them so much!"

"It's okay," I reply, but only because there are people everywhere and I can't do anything besides force a smile.

"No, it's not okay," he whispers in my ear, still not letting go, "I'll never let them near you again, I swear. I would have kicked them out of the fücking clan if it wasn't for your father stepping in. I'm officially done with them and their shït. You're my only family now."

"Okay," I blurt out, still unable to react.

"Look at me," Daniel orders and forces me to lift my face to meet his, "You're the only one I have, Clara.”

And what do I have? I definitely don't have him. And now I don't have a child. So what do I have?