Hiraeth of Beauty

 “Who are you?”

My eyes blinked open in a familiar yet unfamiliar place. It was a room I had never been in before but it felt as if I had been here a hundred times. I must be dreaming.

“Who are you?” The voice that woke me asked again so I looked around the familiar-unfamiliar room to find the owner but there was no one with me in the luxuriously decorated room.

Also, the voice seemed to come from my head, making me panic.

Is this a dream or did I die? Did this room with white walls decorated with abstract paintings, white sheets and a cloud-like bed represent heaven? Did my surgeon fail? The room was unlike the operating room which was the last place I remembered seeing so it was either a dream or the afterlife.

“This is not the afterlife and what do you mean by operating room?” The same voice that woke me up asked. It was a beautiful voice that filled my head but the way it echoed like the voice of my subconscious freaked me out.

Really, I was in a strange dream. 

 “Who the hell are you!?” The voice filling my head screamed this time and I winced.

“You too, who are you?” I screamed back but then I paused.

Wait a minute, did my voice always sound like this? The voice that came out of my mouth was the same voice that filled my head and it sounded nothing near my grating voice.

“I am your wolf,” the voice said. “Or at least, I am the wolf of the owner of this body. Who the hell are you?”

Wolf?

Oh, so it was that kind of dream. As an avid reader of werewolf romances, I had a lot of dreams about wolves and Alphas coming to sweep me off my feet. This one must be like that.

“What is your name, wolf?” I asked, getting out of the cloud-like bed.

“I asked first. Who are you!” The voice grumbled.

It was such a vivid dream that it appeared real. My feet touched the ground and I put them in the bunny slippers in front of me but first, I paused because the legs I had in this dream, rather than my pale, dried-up feet that could barely support my body, were strong and healthy to the point it made my eyes water. I had suffered so much that I was now dreaming of healthy feet!

This dream was a pleasant dream, a glorious dream even, if I ignored the freaky wolf voice, and as I walked around the large room, breathing in the faint scent of lavender, I felt even more convinced. There was no ache in my body as I moved around the room, no bitter taste on my tongue from medications and no bone-deep fatigue. Then I walked past a mirror, making me pause and retraced my steps.

“Is this wishful thinking?” I asked as I gazed at the girl in the mirror.

I was looking into a mirror but the person that stared back at me, rather than being pale and sickly, was a healthy girl with shiny blonde hair and sharp blue eyes. Rather than my thin and lifeless brown hair and tired, sunken eyes, I was looking at a supermodel.

“Did I ever want to be blonde?” I raised my hand to the shiny hair just as the door to the room opened and a strange guy walked in.

My mouth fell as the boy who looked like a celebrity entered. He had sun-kissed blonde hair almost as glorious as the one I just saw in the mirror coupled with mismatched eyes of grey and green. It was my first time seeing someone with heterochromia even in my dream so I stared until he gave me a nasty look.

“What are you looking at?” He asked with a sneer but gave me no time to respond. “Are you awake?” He asked. Even his voice was ethereal, like rich velvet but his tone made me frown. An unexplainable urge to whack him with a pillow filled me.

 “Am I awake?” I asked back, ignoring the urge to do anything to this Adonis. “No, I am not,” I responded since I was in a dream.

“What? Who are you getting sarcastic with?” His thick brows furrowed and made him look even more handsome. “Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked just as the voice in my head exclaimed.

“Are you really admiring your older brother? This brat!?” The voice of the wolf filled my head.

“L - Looking at you like what?” I stuttered from surprise at the loud voice in my head.

“Weirdo,” he muttered and walked out without closing the door. “Mum wants to see you,” he exclaimed as he left.

My gaze went back to the mirror as he left. I could not believe I would have such a face even in my dreams. I only dreamt of being healthy but the person I became in my dream was the exact opposite of me with a face that could never be ignored. The face literally screamed 'Look at me!’

One time, I was on a medication that caused mild hallucinations but even then, I never dreamt of looking so good. I only saw zombies chasing me but now – this was even more vivid that my past hallucinations!

When I got tired of admiring the face I saw in the mirror, I remembered the guy from earlier mentioned a mother so I went out to see her. Soon, I would wake up to reality with my legs filled with needle holes and my hair falling out so I wanted to enjoy this dream.

It was an unfamiliar house but I knew the way around it because of dream power. I met a woman as I descended the stairs.

“Oh, honey, you are awake.” The woman looked just like me but with grey eyes.

“Are you my mother?” I asked and she paused to stare blankly at me but then she sighed.

“Honey, I know you are angry to be grounded but you totaled your dad’s car even though –“ I did not wait for her to finish her explanations as I launched myself into her arms and hugged her as tightly as I could.

She had a comforting scent like roses so I burrowed my face into her neck and hugged her tighter. I did not notice her freeze but when she raised her hand and stroked my hair, my throat tightened.

This was a wonderful dream. In most of my dreams, my mother was a woman with lifeless eyes who threw me away while murmuring about me not being worthy of love. Never had I had a warm hug from my mother.  

“I want to stay like this forever,” I expressed my heartfelt desire without shame. “This is wonderful.” I did not want it to end but I pulled away from her and kissed her cheeks. Her eyes widened to the size of saucers.

“S - Selene, are you – are you okay?” The woman asked and I nodded with a big grin. Was my name Selene in this dream?

“As expected, having a mother is the best,” I said, beaming at the worry and care in her tone. It may be my imagination but her eyes watered.

The guy from earlier rounded the corner, pausing at the foot of the stairs when he saw us in an embrace.

“What are you two doing?” Incredulity leaked from his words.

He was holding the juiciest burger I had ever seen. It was beautiful to the point of being mouthwatering so I asked for some of it.

“Can I have a bite?” A pleasant dream would not be complete without eating delicious food but the boy shattered my expectations.

“No,” he said, shifting the burger to his side as if he wanted to hide it behind him.

“Ethan, don’t be selfish. Share with your sister.” The woman, our mother, said.

“No,” the annoying boy named Ethan opened his mouth like a whale and started to shove the burger in.

The woman with me sighed. I watched in shock as he devoured the burger in five bites but before I could even comment on that, my eyes shifted and my dream transformed into a nightmare.

“Oh my god!” I screamed, startling Ethan who started to choke on a mouthful of burger. “A beast!”

There was a wolf – if this huge thing be considered a wolf. No, there was a beast that looked like a wolf casually strolling into the house but this beast was at least twice the size of a normal wolf.

“What’s wrong with you?” I heard Ethan say but a cold sweat spread through my back and my lips trembled.

“There is a beast!” I continued to scream. The others were not the least bit fazed but my heart was in my throat and the beast was approaching with its devilish eyes fixated on me. “There is a beast, I say!” I pointed to the approaching wolf in case they could not see it.

 “Selene, don’t point fingers at your father,” the woman said in a dry tone and then the wolf-like beast started to run towards us.

My weak heart could not handle it. My blood pressure spiked through the roof and my vision grew spotted right before I blacked out.