Chapter Forty-one

Alina’s POV

There were two things on my mind when I returned home. The first was how I could convince Sebastian to take me to the French men. The same offer I had once declined. And the second was shameful, I was horny. I needed something to take my mind off everything.

I needed Sebastian to fuck me.

Something was wrong with me, believe me when I say it had to be some sort of sorcery. It had to be. I had never lusted over anyone like I was lusting over Sebastian.

Not even Victor.

I couldn't tell what I felt for Victor, maybe it was love or some twisted sick kind of feeling that didn't have a tag but nothing happened whenever he touched me or kissed me as it did with Sebastian.

Nothing, no sparks, no fire, no tingles, no desires, not even a slight burning sensation on my skin whenever he would brush my hands while we were walking down the street together- when he was in a good mood and not pimping me to men. Nothing at all.

But with Sebastian Wolfe, it was different, very different.

I had lost the number of times I had screamed into my pillow today because the image of me kissing him had refused to leave my head.

It kept popping up when I tried sleeping and if I closed my eyes too long before drifting off again the thought would start replaying in my brain, over and over and over, until I eventually snapped awake.

I could hear his laughter echoing around in my head. I wanted to kiss him more than anything, to hold him close, kiss him hard and rough, to feel his mouth against mine.

God, I wanted to. I wasn’t supposed to want this badly, but it felt like that woke up a side of me I couldn't remember being part of, the part of me that craved the touch of a man she was not supposed to and for the first time in a long time, I was horny.

With Sebastian, it was a new revelation, he made me feel as if I could do something about it, make my own choices, and change my sexuality if I ever wanted to. He made me feel like I belonged somewhere, like I was finally myself, a woman that loved herself enough to be able to pursue pleasure without any restrictions and no one would ever see me as less than who I really was.

Like I wasn't just a shell that other people would use.

It made me wonder if this was how the other women saw him, and it was pathetic I wasn't different from the other women that were at his feet, no matter how I tried to deny it.

In the midst of these storms of thoughts, it didn't change the fact that my nipples were hardened and that my core was dripping as my clit throbbed, begging for attention .

I needed someone to take control of me, to make my body obey my wishes. I knew I shouldn’t let the feelings go, the need for him was too strong, and I should resist it, but my body wanted what my mind wasn't willing to let it have. And I was so desperate for him, my entire body screaming at me to get him, I wouldn't hesitate to bend over and lick myself clean in front of the entire world to prove it.

Even in the midst of my confusion, the words, "You're going to get yourself in trouble, you dumbass," echoed through my head.

Of course, I knew that but I did what I hadn't done in a long time.

I let my fingers dance through the silk flimsy excuse of the nightgown I was wearing, messaging my hardened nipples delicately while pretending that it was Sebastian Wolfe’s hands that were working their magic on me, stroking the hardened peaks, teasing them and leaving them swollen and sensitive in minutes. After all, he wasn't home yet.

When it became clear that the fantasy was only going to drive me crazy if I held onto it any longer, I slowly removed my hand from underneath the thin material and slid my fingers under my thighs where I pushed aside my panties, allowing my clit to be exposed to the cool air and the light breeze from the window, caressing it lovingly.

My pussy ached, desperate to feel the slick of something- of Sebastian’s cock sliding between its folds.

Was I losing my mind?

Maybe I was just fantasizing and my subconscious mind was trying to fill in some gaps from before. That could explain why my mind was playing tricks on me. It had to. It couldn't be real.

My pussy twitched as my mind played with the thought of Sebastian’s cock sliding inside of me, filling me up with his cum. It begged me to let it happen. To let his cock slide into me again and again and again and again. To feel his breath against my ear as he murmured endearments as he pleasured my body. He looked like the kind of man that would do that.

What were all of these? Where was Alina ? The new Alina

Did I need to be dipped in a bucket of holy water? or an ocean of it?

Was there any way of getting rid of these urges that were slowly consuming me from the inside out?

My fingers massaged my clit gently as I felt its wetness soaking up my fingers greedily and it took every inch of strength I had left to keep from crying out. I couldn't help but moan softly into my pillow, imagining the sounds escaping from my lips, the way his name would sound on my lips, the way I would smell as he buried himself in me.

Two fingers didn't seem to be doing enough tricks, it didn't seem to feel me up so I added one to my already busy fingers. My body trembled as I moaned louder, imagining how hot he would taste, the way his tongue would glide along my sensitive flesh, my pussy would clench and convulse as his cock entered deeper and deeper, the way he would thrust his hips forward, pulling me closer to climax.

My whole body vibrated with excitement as images flooded my mind, making it harder to focus. I groaned once again as I imagined that feeling of his dick pushing past my walls, entering me deeper each day, driving deep enough into me to leave me breathless each night.

Suddenly the door opened and a voice cut through the fog in my head, "Alina?”

Startled, I jolted up quickly and pulled my panties back up. I turned toward the door and blinked rapidly in surprise as the person stared back in surprise.