CHAPTER#40

Her wild swings had placed her in the center of the room, fifteen feet from the Rat King. She twisted the handle of the club and the metal pieces sprung outward, unfolding to reveal a thick hole in the top of the club. Several lenses flicked across her field of view, her goggles glowing from within. She fell onto her back, using her feet to aim the club at the Rat King.

She yanked on a metal latch and a harpoon, roughly half the length of the club, launched out of the opening, piercing the Rat King through the chest and pinning him to his chair. His eyes were frozen wide in surprise, the chamber now completely silent.

Tink grabbed the small cord attached to her spear and gave it a hard yank. The chair tipped forward, the rats scattering out of the way. When the Rat King fell to the ground, his scepter clattered across the floor where Beth quickly grabbed it. His tiny crown rolled across the floor and bounced off of Tink's bare feet. She picked up the crown and put it on her head.

"Goblin law. Tink kill king. Now Tink king." She picked her club back up, giving it another twist. The mechanism pulled the metal pieces back into place, and she hefted the club onto her shoulder. "Fight all challengers, smash into jam."

There were several moments of silence. The speaker of the rats finally broke it.

"You... you killed our king."

"Your king killed himself the moment he threatened me." Mike pointed at Tink, who bared her teeth at the rats. "You thought the doll was my champion, but you were wrong. Tink is my champion. And unless you're hiding an even bigger suit of armor or a sofa with chainsaw arms tied to it, I'm guessing that my champion smashed yours."

"That... that..." The speaker's mouth opened and closed several times. "I don't know what to say."

"Tink say give creepy doll back or Tink smash whole kingdom." She leered at the rats surrounding her. "Make rat paste, feed to snake face, order of new Rat King."

"She can't be king. She isn't even a rat!" The speaker shook his head. "They will never listen to you, only one of our own."

"But they might listen to you." Beth walked up behind Tink and took the crown off her head. "Maybe we can arrange a truce between your new kingdom and our own? You seem like a reasonable rodent, and a truce with the Radley House is preferable to what we could do next. I know a minotaur who is ten times scarier who would love to level this place just for the fun of it."

"This is... that is..." The speaker flinched away from her when Beth crouched down in front of him, but she gently placed the crown on his head. The rats in the room chittered amongst themselves.

"What do you think, Your Majesty?"

"I... I..." His whiskers twitched, and he turned to face the congregation. They all stared blankly back. Clearly this was a turn of events none of them had expected. He took off his glasses and pretended to polish the non-existent lenses. "Does anyone else lay claim to the throne?"

The rats in the room looked to each other and then at the fierce goblin in the center of the room. Perhaps there were some among them that had aspirations of royal grandeur, but Mike sincerely doubted that any of them wished to face Tink and her murderous club. A ripple started in the mass of fur as a small group of rats bowed, starting a chain reaction through the chamber. Eventually, the congregation had become perfectly silent, their tails lifted in the air and curling through that of their neighbor. Mike hadn't realized just how long their tails were.

The speaker rat stood just a little higher, his nose sniffing at the air.

"Very well then. I accept."

-

"You had a spear gun hidden inside your club?" Beth asked Tink. They were being led down a long hall surrounded by dirt, insulation, and drywall. The rats that were taking them threw cautionary glances at the group, clearly still afraid.

"Secret weapon for bad king." Tink smiled, all her teeth showing. "Rope in case of big fall, but work here too."

"You really are something." Mike patted her on the head, making her beam happily. He felt supremely bad about the whole encounter; he had been next to useless. Even Beth had been able to negotiate with them afterward while he just stood and watched.

Guess I can't fuck away all of my problems, can I? The stray thought made him snort out loud, and he ignored the look he got from Beth.

They finally arrived at a small hole in the wall. He could tell it used to be larger by the discolored material around it. The rats around the hole were chewing on a strange material and sticking it into place to plug the hole.

"By order of the king, cease!" The speaker had come with them, the crown perched magically atop his head. He now wore the red cloak of the old king, whom the other rats had promptly devoured. The new king had informed them that this was how they preserved their magic upon seeing their looks of disgust.

The rats stopped, gazing at the new king in amazement.

"Widen the portal for our guests. By Royal Decree." Gone was the nervousness in his voice. He held the meter stick scepter in one hand, the emerald gone. Beth had removed the gem upon Mike's suggestion and convinced the rats that it was now considered a token of their allegiance. It had promptly vanished in her pocket.

The rats looked at each other and shrugged, then spit out what they had been chewing. They went to work, gnawing on the surface of the wall until it could be comfortably walked through. Looking through the hole, Mike saw that he was staring down at the floor of an old church. The pews were broken apart beneath them, tossed around the room as if an earthquake had hit.