Home for Horny Monsters (Book 03)

Mike, Beth, and the goblin Tink stood at the foot of the stairs, looking upward in awe. Only moments ago, the earth had trembled when Beth had brought in her luggage, the house outwardly expanding. However, it wasn't as simple as that-looking up the stairs, the new second floor started at the landing where the stairs changed direction. In his mind, Mike now had memories of passing by that hall without a second thought. It wasn't only the house that had grown, but his memories as well.

"This is amazing." Beth's voice was just above a whisper. She had set her luggage on the floor.

"You're telling me. Do you remember this at all?"

Beth nodded. "I can't tell you how many times I dropped by to check on the place after your great aunt Emily died. Thinking back on it now, I vividly remember walking past that hallway and never actually checking it out, but I also remember never noticing it." Beth had been the estate agent who had first walked him through the home almost a week ago. Had it really only been that long? "It's so hard to explain."

"It's like the Mandela Effect. People with a collective memory of an event find out they've all been wrong somehow. The big difference here is that we now remember ignoring something we never saw in the first place." Mike walked up the stairs, his left hand on the railing. At the top of the railing was a smooth metal ball. To the left was the new hallway. "I know that I have never seen this ball before, but I have a memory of grabbing onto it every time I come down the stairs. There's a smudge on the other side." He stepped into the hall and looked at the ball. Sure enough, the smudge was there.

"What could cause something like that?" Beth asked.

"There's a spell on the house, a geas. It's a type of powerful enchantment. Until you are invited in, you can't actually see the creatures who live here. It's why you never spotted anything out of the ordinary."

"Then how did I come in? Or the maids to clean it?"

"You were working for my aunt, technically. Logically, you were acting as a temporary Caretaker, so you were allowed entry." He shrugged. "That's my best guess, to be perfectly honest."

"Could we ask Naia about it?"

"Maybe. The geas can alter memories. When I first moved in, Naia had forgotten about the others. They only seem to remember things when I discover them."

"Tink in deep sleep," the goblin said from behind them. She already had a rag in her hand, and had started polishing the smudge off the railing. "When house sleep, everyone sleep. No wake until husband finds."

"That's about right." Mike stepped into the hall. The wooden floor looked like it had been recently waxed, and the hallway made a sharp, ninety-degree turn. Windows along the hall let in plenty of light, and Mike walked up to the first door, grabbing the knob tightly in his hand.

"Ready?" He looked over his shoulder. Beth and Tink nodded, though Mike saw that Tink was holding her wrench tightly in one hand. He held back a laugh and twisted the knob.

It didn't budge.

"Huh." He rattled the knob, then tried to give the door a push. When nothing else happened, he tried knocking.

"So... that was anti-climactic." Beth moved next to him to help. He was suddenly aware of how close she was, and how the curve of her ass pushed into him when she pressed her shoulder into the door. "Is it locked?"

"Must be." Mike crouched down, noticing the keyhole under the knob. Or rather, where the keyhole should have been. A dark grey substance was just past the tiny portal. "Hey Tink, is that what I think it is?"

"Husband move." She swatted Mike on the butt and took his place. She put her magical goggles on, the tiny lenses flicking down to give her a better look. Tink jerked her head back, a look of horror on her face.

"Nasty!" She retched dramatically. "Disgusting shit!"

"What is it?" Mike asked. Beth had pulled a key out of her pocket and was scraping at the substance blocking the keyhole with it. "It's clay or something like it, right?"

"Shit. Poop. Doody." Tink's whole face wrinkled in disgust. "Stupid fuck shit in the keyhole!"

Beth dropped her key.

Mike's jaw dropped. "How do you shit in a keyhole?"

"Very carefully." Beth said, an odd smirk on her face. Mike could tell she was trying not to laugh. "Or not. We haven't seen the other side of the door."

"Can you get it out?" Mike asked Tink. He really didn't want to break down the door or damage the lock too badly. God forbid he piss off whoever lived inside, and with the amount of repairs they had been doing lately, he knew that finding a door that would look right was going to be extremely difficult.

"Maybe, but take long time. Poop like concrete. Super hard." Tink pulled a screwdriver out of her toolbox and shoved it in the keyhole. Using her hammer, she hit the back of the screwdriver, making the whole door shake. She gave it another whack, and the screwdriver snapped in the middle.

The colorful string of expletives from the goblin had Beth red in the face, her lips pressed tightly together.

"You're loving this," Mike said.

Beth nodded, her eyes on Tink. The goblin had thrown the handle of the screwdriver at the door. The handle had bounced off, rolling across the hall and coming to a rest along the baseboards. "Maybe we should go check out the other rooms?"

"Certainly. C'mon Tink, we'll deal with that door later." They turned the corner and Mike let out an appreciative whistle. The series of windows all looked north into the backyard and into the woods behind his house. The wrought iron gate behind the fountain looked even larger from here, and the light illuminated the two wooden doors on his right. At the end of the hallway was another door.