Rental

Hindi ko alam kung ilang beses na ang buntong hininga na pinakawalan ko habang nakatingin sa bouquet na hawak ko, this are my favorite flower—tulips. I’m always happy when I see one, but not tonight.

Tomorrow is our wedding, pero hindi pa rin siya tumatawag sa akin, I’m expecting him to cancel the wedding prior to the wedding, pero hindi ko alam kung bakit hanggang ngayon, ganito pa rin ang estado, na umaakto siya na akala mo, gusto niya talaga mag pakasal sa akin at wala siyang ginawang katarantaduhan.

I was still holding the business card that Yana gave to me, I told her what happen, and she actually gave me this new business card containing the contact information of the company—obviously. Pero, sino ba naman ang tanga na gagamit nito.

Napatigil ako sa pag iisip nang may kumatok sa pinto ko, narinig ko ang boses ni manag Salemn, “Nak, galing po dito si Aiden,” hindi ko alam, kahit nakakagago pakinggan, pero may kung anong tuwa sa dibdib ang naramdaman ko, bahagya akong napangiti dahil don.

“Okay po, nang, so where is he now? Paki sabi pumanik na lang dito sa kwarto—”

“Umalis din agad, mukhang nagmamadali, baka marami pa gagawin, hinabilin na lang niya na ibigay sayo ang mga ito,” sagot niya at inabot sakin ang bouquet of Blue Hyacinths, “Maiwan muna kita at nag luluto ako don,” sabi ni manang, tumango ako at lumabas na siya, narinig ko na isinara niya nang marahan ang pinto ko.

Para akong pinagbagsakan nang langit at lupa habang natitig sa bulaklak na hawak ko, nanlalamig ang kamay ko at nagbabadya ang mga luha sa mata ko, nanginginig ang kamay ko nang kinuha ko ang papel na nakaipit sa pagitan nang mga bulaklak.

Astrea,

I’m sorry, my conscience won’t let me sleep at night, knowing that this time, I have to hurt you, I love you, that I have to leave for good.

I know, you’re aware why, I’m sorry.

Aiden

So, he is aware that I knew it. Then, why would he do this on the night before the wedding? Why the fuck would he go to this extent, just to end up giving me this fucking letter? Huh, kusa nang nagsilaglagan ang mga luha sa mata ko, hindi ako makahinga sa sakit nang nararamdaman ko.

All these years, I loved him with all my heart, I treated our relationship as a dating for marriage, I never intended to play with him, I never cheated on him, I always make healthy and strict boundaries with other guys.

So, why?

Why would he fuck other woman, when I can be here? Is it because I can’t give it to him? Can’t he wait until we got married, I’ll be more than willing to give him everything, I was raised with the thought of valuing my purity. Am I not enough for him, am I not worth the wait?

Inabot ko ang cellphone ko na nakapatong sa night table ko at sinimulang tipahin ang mga numero na nasa maliit na papel na hawak ko.

Wala pang ilang segundo ay may sumagot agad—“Hello, this is Cain Johnson, how may I help you?” his voice sounds both mischievous and professional, “Oh—you called this special number, I assume you are in a fucked up situation?”

Ilang beses akong kumurap bago tuluyang sumagot, “Yeah, I need someone to save my face tomorrow, my groom runaway, leaving me in this embarrassment, my family is well-known, so yeah,”

“Hmm, I understand, so let me get this clear, Ms—”

“Astrea,” I muffled.

“Ms Astrea, you needed a rental groom for you wedding tomorrow, and what else? Do you need last minute changes?”

I nodded, even though he can’t see it, “Yeah, the invitations, it should be replaced with new ones, I can pay any amount, just please, let me breath tomorrow, let that whoever the man is, save my face on that fucking wedding day,”

I know, I sounded so desperate right now, but I don’t care, I fucking don’t care. I couldn’t careless, I just need to get through this wedding.

“Well, you called the right number, Ms. Astrea, all you have to do is to send the details of the wedding through the email on that business card, and then have a good night sleep, para hindi ka mukhang mangkukulam bukas,”

Napakunot ang noo ko, “Okay?”

“Okay, have a good night!”

Ilang minuto akong nakatulala sa kawalan, at doon ko ko lang din napagtanto na tapos na ang tawag.

I gritted my teeth, as I send the details of the wedding tomorrow, I never imagined that I must to go through like this, this is fucking absurd.

Tinignan ko ang kaisa isang litrato na natitira na magkasama kami ni Aiden, that’s my 18th birthday, walang pakundangan ko iyong kinuha at tinago sa drawer.

I’ll make sure, I’ll make sure that he will pay for it. You can’t embarrassed me and my family, you can’t do that.

I’ll bring this until in my grave.