I Closed My Eyes Forever

Inside the dark casket, I held my hands up and looked at them.

They should be clean by now.

Maybe the medicine I'd taken from Evan was finally working, because his face started coming back to me, black as a thundercloud. He'd slammed the big gate shut.

"Maisie Callahan, you're nine years old. Why can't you behave?

"How many times have I told you to leave Molly alone? Why did you have to lie about it?

"I didn't raise you all this way so you could turn out bad."

Curled up in the casket, I whispered that I hadn't lied. I hadn't meant to get Molly's dress dirty either.

I didn't know why Evan was so angry. Molly had already said it was fine.

Well, fine. When I got to heaven I was going to ask the angels to let me come back as Evan's big sister, and then I could twist his ear whenever I wanted.

The more I thought about it, the happier I got, and my eyelids sank.

There was only one problem. I'd used this casket. Grandma had bought it for herself years ago and made Evan keep it out back, and now he'd have to order her another one. I knew those cost a lot, and I didn't know if the money I'd saved up in secret would be enough.

Grandma always said money was hard to come by. On the days her mind was clear, she'd have me help with her craft work to earn a little. My hands were clumsy, though. I couldn't even do a small thing like that right.

Once, when I bawled because I'd made trouble for her again, Evan pushed a piece of candy into my mouth and the crying stopped on the spot. He didn't know whether to laugh or scold me, so he bumped his nose against mine.

"Still a baby. One piece of candy and she's fine.

"Go play, Maisie. I'll do it."

He took the paper out of my hands, and his fingers turned it over and over until it was a butterfly.

"A present for Maisie."

I squealed and ran around the house holding it over my head while Evan and Grandma sat there and watched me carry on.

Grandma had sighed. "Evan, Maisie has to learn to grow up.

"You can't look after her for the rest of her life."

I heard the sigh, and then I heard Evan not answer.

The rest of her life? How long was the rest of a life? Maisie didn't know.

It was a long time before he spoke, and it sounded like he was talking to himself.

"I can.

"I can look after her that long."

The memory let go of me. I dug a piece of candy out of my pocket and put it slowly in my mouth.

It tasted bitter. I made a face.

Evan was a liar. He promised he'd stay with Maisie for the rest of her life, and then Molly showed up and nothing he said counted anymore.

Big fat liar.

But it was better this way. Without me hanging off him, Evan could be happy with Molly.

My head got dizzier and my eyelids got heavier. I pulled the lid over my head.

Evan. Grandma. Maisie's going to sleep now.