CHAPTER 5

-Sarah’s Pov-

After it was all over, letting go of one of my babies that I'd lost to myself, I tried to brace myself until I started preparing to go home.

Yeah, I was going home for a while to pack my things. However, I couldn’t leave my things at Xavier' house, I mean some of my things. Because I was only going to bring a few of them, just the essentials.

I walked slowly with the aching pain I felt, but I persisted to finish all this. I think the sooner the better. I was also sure that they wanted me to leave as soon as possible.

I would try to bury my love for Xavier as deeply as I let go of one of my lost children. 

I realized that in life—not just human life—that it is necessary to lose in order to become something good. Maybe this way I could know and learn to be stronger.

When I was ready and about to walk out of the room, Doctor Richard suddenly walked in, looking at me with a frown on his forehead.

"Hey, are you leaving?" he asked me.

I nodded with a weak smile. "I've improved enough. I have to go take care of something."

"But it hasn't been twenty-four hours, Sarah. You still need to recover."

I knew all doctors would say that when their patients have just gone through something serious, and have to be on bedrest. But I couldn’t do that in an unfinished situation.

"I'll be fine. But can you give me some painkillers?" I asked when I started to think that there must be some medicine I needed to buy.

He then handed me a piece of paper and said, "I will indeed give you a prescription. The painkillers are in there too. But you have to take the right dose, don't overdo it. And if you're sure you'll be fine, this hospital is open to you if you come back weak again."

I smiled and swallowed, feeling some kindness from the one person I had met ... at last.

"Thank you, Doctor."

I then walked out of the room. It was so slow that it might have been a spectacle for some of the visitors there. But I made it to the car park, getting into my car with a long sigh.

I still needed to take my breath slowly until I really felt strong enough to return home. 

"It's just to get some stuff, there's no need to linger," I told myself.

I immediately started the car and started driving slowly. My mind was still completely muddled with all the incidents that happened so quickly but I couldn't forget. 

The pain in my heart was still there, my loss even more so. But I had to be strong for the sake of my one child who was still in my womb. I couldn’t be weak and make it sad. I had to make it come into the world and see for myself how its mother was so strong in facing problems all this time.

When I finally arrived at the courtyard of the house, my heart shook again even though I felt I had tried to strengthen myself. I could still smell his scent, my mate’s scent that felt so good to me yet he always did bad things to my feelings.

I got out of the car, walked into the house, and was no longer surprised to see my husband with my twin sister. 

I, who was still in a state of grief and they still seemed to be making out, really didn't think about myself at all. Not even a feeling of guilt or asking what happened to me.

"I will make you my new Luna," Xavier said when I heard him start talking like that.

Was I surprised? I guess not anymore. I was getting numb even though I was hurt. But, what could I do? 

"Are you going to announce it?"Mariya asked.

"Of course. You have to be announced. Anything about you must be felt."

I was sick and tired of seeing them. Losing one of my fetuses was also because of them, but no one knows except me and the doctor. Even if I told them, I didn't think they would believe me.

At that moment, Xavier looked at me. He sensed my presence and his expression was exactly the same, flat and full of anger. I guess it was also because he still thought I stoleMariya’s precious thing. He really blindedMariya.

"Why are you here?" he asked in a slightly high tone.

"I'm still your wife, Xavier. I just needed to get something," I replied equally coldly.

He was silent andMariya didn't even look at me as if I didn't exist. 

Damn it, they kissed even though I was still there. Stupidly, I was still standing watching their intimacy as if I was also laughing at myself at my situation this time.

Then because I wasn't strong enough to watch their intimacy, I chose to go to my room and cry alone. 

My tears burst out silently, so painfully that my chest felt crushed by something suffocating. 

I even half-laughed and half-smiled, thinking it might be very funny if my love would eventually be reciprocated by him. But when I looked at everything, I didn't think my husband and my mate would love me back. 

I guess I should really give it up for my twin sister. Even if it hurts, a lifetime with someone who doesn't love me would hurt a lot more. Because to me, the right relationship is when both of them love each other, not when one of them struggles alone.

And yes ... I'm done with this.

Crying, I took the divorce papers that Xavier always kept in the drawer because he did intend to divorce me but maybe it wasn't time yet. 

And today I was going to make his wish come true. I signed it with the emphasis of the pen I scratched on the paper before I left here forever.

“Goodbye, Xavier. You got what you wanted all this time.”