I know what you taste like

10 YEARS AGO

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It happened like a dream, because it was my dream come true.

It was 7 pm that day , rain was pouring heavily, it was my graduation night, everyone was out parting, mom even begged me to go out with my friends and party.

"You've done so well Charlie, we're proud of you, go and have fun you deserve it".

But I didn't go, I didn't want to, I sat on my bed looking at all the awards I had bagged earlier that day.

My entire life has been so planned and predictable, best grades, top in class, get all the awards and graduate as valedictorian.

I got all that, so why do I not feel fulfilled?

They said they were going out for dinner, they invited me to come with them but I declined.

I just wanted to stay back home and reflect on my life. I got a bottle of alcohol, I started consuming it.

An hour later there was a knock on the door, I wasn't expecting any visitors, honestly I never even had visitors.

I managed to stagger downstairs.

I went to the door and opened it, I swallowed hard.

It was Mason.

Everytime I saw him, I felt this type of way, like I'm a different person, like I'm not me.

"Hey", he said, he looked damp.

"Hey what's up?", I asked, trying my best to sound normal.

"You didn't go for the party?".

"Naa, I just wanna stay home and eat popcorn and shit", Iied.

"Bro we're done with highschool man, loosen up a bit".

"Naa I'll pass, maybe another time", I said.

"What's up, why are you here?", I asked immediately changing the conversation.

"Uhhm, the car broke down a few blocks away and I was like, let me see if your Dad's home, to help me fix it up", he said.

His family is best friends with my family, we literally grew up together, that's why I don't like the way I feel when I'm around him these days.

It all started in senior year, everything has changed this year, I don't see him as a brother like I use to before, I see him like something different, something I shouldn't see him as.

"My Dad's not home, they went for a dinner, won't be back till midnight".

He groaned and walked in

"It's okay I'll just crash here till morning", he mumbled getting inside and taking off his shirt.

I held my breath as he threw it off his body.

"Got something I could wear?", he asked.

I swallowed hard looking at his damp body. I blinded.

"Yeah upstairs", I said and we walked upstairs to my room.

He stated at my awards and smirked.

"You took make mama proud a little too serious", he teased.

We were complete opposite, I was the smart one he was the sporty one, he won all the athletic medals.

"I still feel unfulfilled", I mumbled sitting on my bed.

"Why? what else could you want in the world again? you've literally got everything, perfect house, perfect grade, perfect family", he said grabbing my shirt from my closet.

"I just feel like I'm living their life, I don't know what I want, like, I can't be what I want to be"..

I don't know how to have this conversation with him, especially when he's the reason I'm having all these thoughts.

"What do you mean?".

I exhaled, avoiding contact with him.

"I don't know if you get it but, my life Is literally planned, like, my mom literally picked my girlfriends all through school, she picked the college im going to, I'm taking over my dad's company

I mean you're lucky you're a rebel, you can do whatever you want and I'm... I'm... I don't even want to know if it's what I want, I'm so... so sick of everything and Right now, I don't even know if I want to do any of this I'm just.. I'm just -"

"Hey, Relax ", he said placing his hands on my shoulder, suddenly making me relax.

"What do you want Charlie?".

The way he calls my name, it makes me weak.

The way he looks at me, I'd almost say he feels the same way I feel about him but he doesn't, I know him so well he doesn't.

This is the most vulnerable I've been with him, I don't know if it's the fact that I've been feeling like a complete failure all day or the fact that I'm going to be shipped to another country next month for college and start life all over and might not see him again for years or the fact that he just looked so good without a shirt, or that I feel drunk , I don't know what it was but I don't know where I got the courage.

"You", I mumbled and then tiptoed and pulled him to myself, crashing my lips on his.

I paused, realizing I finally let my intrusive thoughts win and I did it and now I regret it, cuz he's going to hate me, I've fucked up.

I tried to pull away but something very unexpected happened.

He pulled me back and kissed me back, I wasn't hallucinating, he actually did it.

At first I was shocked, Did Mason just kiss me?

I broke the kiss and looked at him, the alcohol was flooding my head.

I shook my head.

"I'm... I'm sorry I -"

He placed his index finger on my lips, "Don't be", he whispered and then claimed my lips back.

It took at least 5 seconds for me to process what just happened.

I've spent the past 10 months discovering about my sexuality, hating myself for feeling this way towards him knowing I can never be this person, afraid to tell my parents because they'll be disappointed in me, and all this while, you mean to tell me... he was... he was this person?

I decided to let the alcohol cloud my mind and stop thinking.

I felt my body descend on my bed slowly.

He broke the kiss and stared at me, no look of regret on his face.

"What time are they coming back?", he asked.

"Before midnight", I said.

He nodded, "Good, we have time", he said, his hands reaching for my shorts and pulling them down.