If Only

The mere thought of losing someone so dear was once an absurd concept to me, something I couldn't quite fathom. But now, now that I have experienced it, I understand the depth of the pain that comes with it.

It was the day my grandfather passed away that my world was turned upside down. He was my confidante, my mentor, my friend. He was the only one who ever truly understood me, who always knew how to make me feel better. His death was like a dagger to my heart, and the wound never truly healed.

Every day is a struggle, a constant battle to keep myself together. I can't even begin to imagine the person I would be if I lost someone else. The mere thought of it makes me shudder.

I rarely leave my room, and when I do, it's only to go through the motions of life. I barely speak to anyone, and the laughter that once came so easily is now a distant memory. I can't even bring myself to visit my grandparents' house, the place that held so many happy memories.

I am different now, a shadow of the person I used to be. The light that once shone so brightly within me has dimmed, and I don't know how to get it back. The only person who knew how to make it shine was my grandfather, and he's gone.

The pain is real, and it never truly goes away. It's a constant reminder of what I've lost, and the thought of facing that reality is almost too much to bear. But I have to keep going, for him.