Prologue

"It is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to find life worth living, and be against rape, if it has led to your existence."

The cold breeze of December has always been memorable to me. The lights of the busy city is almost the reflection of the bright stars at the sky above. And even with all the noise and the traffic and the bustle around, I would still look forward to Christmas. A Christmas with my mother, with only the two of us. A Christmas that won't ever happen to me anymore.

Even without my father, I lived with happiness and abundance because of my beautiful and loving mother. Ipinagtabuyan man siya at halos isumpa ng mga tao dahil sa pagiging kabit, kailan man ay hindi niya ako itinuring na masamang karanasan sa buhay niya. She treated me like I was her only reason for living. And I treated her the same way, my only reason for living.

Kaya ngayong nag-iisa ako at walang kakampi, pakiramdam ko ay ganoon din siya. Pakiramdam ko ay nag-iisa rin siya at umiiyak tulad ko, nagluluksa sa kababuyang natamo ko.

My tears won't stop falling as I look up at the dark late night sky. It's cold, it's noisy, yet it's lonely. My Christmas eve is so lonely.

Is it a sin to just want to die? Because I think there's no other choice for me but to just die.

I feel so dirty. I feel so unwanted. I feel so useless, my life is pointless. My mom was the only one who ever loved me and now that she's gone, who's gonna be there for me?

The wind blew and I realized I just need to die to end this nightmare, this nightmare that I've been going through for years. If I die I will be free of this nightmare.

Dinungaw ko ang madilim at malalim na tubig sa ilalim ng tulay. In normal days, I would tell myself, who would want to drown in dirty waters? But right now, I'm surprised I don't have any hesitations at all. Ganoon ba talaga? Is it because I am dirty that I don't mind dying on dirt too?

Muling pumatak ang aking mga luha.

I climbed the railings of the bridge just to get to the other side. My hands are trembling, I feel so cold, so lonely and so eager.

Alam kong isa itong malaking kasalanan. But people have wronged me too and no one felt sorry. So maybe I can commit a sin and don't feel sorry at all. I don't care if the devil welcomes me to hell, I just don't care anymore.

Isa-isa kong kinalas ang mga daliri sa malamig na railings. I closed my eyes and anticipated the cold dirty waters to drown me.

I was so sure I wanted to die, I was so sure I wanted to end this nightmare and leave this world when suddenly, in the middle of the cold night, I felt something warm, pulling me so I won't fall. My eyes widened when I saw a guy holding both my hands firmly.

"W-What are you doing?"

He didn't answer, instead, he looked at me with his dark domineering eyes. Natahimik ako at bahagyang natakot, pakiramdam ko ay nahuli ako sa isang kasalanan. Bago pa ako muling nakapagsalita ay naiangat niya na ako at naibalik sa loob ng railings. Doon pa lamang ako natauhan.

"I..I.." My tears are falling miserably, "Why did you do that? I want to die!" I tried to hold on to the railings but he held me strongly this time.

"You don't even know me! Just let me die!" I cried.

He held me in place by putting his hands on both my shoulders. His dark hooded eyes look so vicious and mysterious. He looks so annoyed.

"Listen woman, I normally don't care about what people do with their lives. But I happen to pass by and I saw you, and I had the feeling to want to stop you. If that alone is not a reason for you not to die tonight then go just die."

And just like that he left me.

**