Chapter 4

Mag-iisang oras na simula ng magsimula ang meeting namin. I looked around the small meeting room. Nasa harap namin si Migs, our clubhouse manager, going over the maintenance report for the week.

“Okay na ang fairways pero may problem pa rin sa irrigation sa back nine.” he said, pointing at the papers in front of him.

Tumango ako. "How much?”

He gave me the estimate.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Can we have it fixed this week?”

“Yeah. I’ll coordinate with the maintenance guys.”

“Alright.”

Migs flipped to the next page. “For next weekend’s tournament, we still need to finalize the staff schedule. Medyo marami ang expected guests.”

“Make sure we have enough people sa registration and clubhouse.”

“Got it.”

By the time we finished, my brain was already somewhere else. Nagpaalam na ako agad, sinabi ko sa mga staff na sila muna ang bahala habang wala ako. Thursday naman, so hindi rin ganon karami ang tao compared sa weekends. I grabbed my keys and headed straight to my car.

I didn't drive off immediately. There was a delivery truck blocking the driveway, kaya wala akong choice kundi maghintay for the security guard to clear the way.

I leaned back and closed my eyes. Big mistake, because the second I did, I was reminded of last night. Tiniim ko ang bagang ko, already feeling my face heat up in embarrassment.

As funny as it sounds, I met up with a woman I found on a site last night who was actually willing to finger me. You know, one of those sites where people are pretty open about their kinks. Well, fucking sue me. It’s been weeks, and those weeks have been torture. I keep wanting something in my ass, which is honestly starting to get disturbing.

Ni hindi na ako makapagtrabaho nang maayos. I’m always lost in my thoughts, to the point na pati mga staff ko napapansin na rin. I thought I’d eventually get over it, but no. If anything, mas lalo atang lumalala. I feel like I’m losing my damn mind. And I have Fiona to thank for that.

I mean, it felt good doing it myself. Every time I hit that spot in my ass, it felt fucking amazing, but it still wasn’t enough. I wanted thrusting, gusto kong may ibang taong gumagawa nun para sakin who would willingly do it. I wanted to stop having to do it myself and actually feel someone else taking care of that need.

Sa lahat ng babaeng interesado, I picked Chloe. She was 29, two years older than me, and she's exactly my type. Siya agad ang nakapukaw ng atensyon ko. She was fucking gorgeous, pretty face, and had curves in all the right places.

She smells good too, her skin was ridiculously soft, and she knew exactly how to kiss. We made out for a while, then we moved on to the part na parehas naming iniintay.

Nakahiga ako sa ilalim niya with my legs spread, parehas kaming n*******d, I watched her boobs wiggle evertime she moved. I was aroused, sure, but the embarrassment hit just as hard. A nasty little voice kept insisting that this wasn’t what a normal man would do, that I should be the one fucking her instead of having my ass get finger by her. What if tinatawanan niya ako sa utak niya? The more I thought about it, the more self conscious I got.

"You okay?" Chloe asked, napansin niya atang tense ako.

"Sure." I said so she continue working my ass with her fingers.

The moment she thrust one and then two fingers up, I forget about everthing. It felt so good, and her rhythm was completely different from when Fiona did it. Chloe seemed like she actually knew what she was doing.

I could feel my arousal building, and the nerve endings in my ass were starting to tingle in a way that felt annoyingly good. I was trying not to moan when Chloe decided to slammed her fingers inside me, stabbing my prostate.

I cried out, arching off the bed. And before I could think, my orgasm hit like a truck. Fuck me.

Nang magmulat ako, I saw Chloe looking at me. She looked just as surprised as I was. Napamura ako sa isip ko.

"Well... that was fast."

Hindi ko na maalala kung paano kami natapos to be honest. Everything happened so quickly, and the whole thing was just so damn embarrassing.

A loud honk behind me snapped me out of it. Tumingin ako sa rearview mirror. Naghihintay na pala yung delivery truck sa likod ko.

“Okay, okay. Jesus.”

Bumuntong hininga ako bago tuluyang umabante at humanap ng ibang mapaparadahan. My hand went straight to my phone. There was only one person I could talk to about this.

Kael.

I dialed his number. Apat na ring lang bago niya tuluyang sinagot ang tawag ko. May narinig akong pagbukas at sara ng p***o sa kabilang linya bago ko narinig ang boses ni Kael.

“Jace?” His voice sounded a little tired, like I caught him in the middle of something.

“Sa condo ka now?” bungad ko.

“Yes. I’m off-duty. Why?” nakarinig ulit ako ng kaluskos.

“You alone?”

“Yeah. Kauuwi ko lang, actually. Hinatid ko lang si Kaia sa bahay. Nagpatulong sa case study niya.”

His little sister was in college, taking medicine too. Hindi naman nakakapagtaka. Doctors ran in their family, his parents were both doctors, and now both Kael and Kaia were following the same path.

“Oh. Anyway, I was thinking of coming over, okay lang ba?” I asked.

There was a brief pause. "Now?"

"Yup."

“Sure." he said.

"Great." sabi ko.

Ibababa ko na sana ang tawag nang magsalita ulit si Kael. “You're not going to tell me why you're coming?”

I chuckled. “I'll tell you when I get there.”

"Okay."

Tahimik lang ang biyahe papunta sa condo ni Kael. Maya-maya, nakarating din ako sa parking lot sa harap ng building at nakahanap ng spot malapit sa entrance. Ni-lock ko ang kotse bago ako naglakad at itinulak ang glass doors.

Halos iilan lang ang tao sa lobby. Dumiretso ako sa elevators at pinindot ang button habang chine-check ang phone ko.

Pagbukas ng elevator doors agad akong dumiretso sa unit ni Kael. Nang nasa harap na ako, kumatok ako ng dalawang beses. A few seconds passed, may narinig akong mga yabag mula sa loob ng unit. Bumukas ang p***o, bumungad si Kael, naka-plain shirt at gray sweatpants. His hair slightly messy.

He looked at me for a second before raising an eyebrow.

"You look like hell.”

I frowned. “Not as bad as those eyebags of yours."

Kael snickered. “I’m serious.” He stepped aside to let me in. "Mukhang kailangan mo ng medical attention.”

I gave him a look. “Fuck you.”

He laughed and shut the door behind him. “I'm guessing this is important.”

I glanced at him. “Pwede bang maupo muna ako?” sarkastiko kong tanong.

He gave me a suspicious look pero hindi na nagtanong. Tinuro niya ang papuntang living room. “Make yourself comfortable. Want anything? Water? Coffee?”

“Actually…” I reached into the small bag I was carrying and pulled out a bottle of scotch. Kael stared at it.

“Just so you know, may duty ako bukas” Kael said. “So I'm not drinking.”

I snorted. “That's rich coming from you. Ako lang naman lagi ang umiinom sa ating dalawa.”

"I'll keep you company.” he said, walking toward the kitchen.

Sinundan ko siya sa living room at sumalampak sa couch. He opened a cabinet and pulled out one glass. He placed it on the coffee table and sat across from me. I opened the bottle and poured myself a drink. Kael watched me carefully.

“You really look like shit, you know that?" he said.

“Thanks.”

“I'm just saying. May dinadamdam ka ba?"

I snorted "Jeez, no. I'm perfectly fine."

I took a sip and leaned back against the couch. Ilang segundong walang nagsasalita sa amin.

Then Kael finally spoke. “So.”

Bumaling ako sa kanya.

“May nangyari ba?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit, Jace. You always do this. Just say it."

Huminga ako ng malalim at tinignan ang baso sa kamay ko, then I started telling him everything that happened last night. Matapos kong magkwento, sumulyap ako kay Kael na tahimik na nakikinig sa akin. I expected him to make fun of me and tell me how a freak I am. Instead,

“But you liked it?” he asked.

I hesitated. “I… yeah.”

“Yun naman pala e. If you like it, then that's what matters.”

“Hindi ko alam, dude. It just makes me feel kind of… self-conscious, I guess.”

Nagbago ang ekpresyon ni Kael at maging malumanay.

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Jace. The idea that men always need to be dominant or in control is old fashion. Some women like taking the lead, and some men enjoy letting them. It doesn't take away you masculinity. Ang importante it’s consensual at komportable kang gawin yon.”

Sumimangot ako. "Alam ko naman yon but It’s still humiliating to ask a woman to stick her fingers in my ass you know. Malay mo nagkukunwari lang siyang okay lang, pero deep down she finds me strange or disgusting? Baka habang nakangiti siya, pinagtatawanan na pala niya ako sa isip niya.”

Tumawa si Kael. “Jace, I sleep with men. If I let every outdated idea about masculinity control my life, I would be miserable."

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Hindi naman tayo pareho.”

Humalakhak si Kael. "But you get what I mean, right?"

"I-yes, thanks, I guess."

There's that amusement in his eyes again. "You're welcome."

Ilang minuto rin kaming hindi nagsasalita pagkatapos non. Kael was just watching me gulp down the alcohol.

Tumingin ako sa kanya, unknowinly, bumaba ang tingin ko sa kamay niyang tinatapik ang hita niya.

I don't know why, but I kept staring. Maybe it was the way his fingers moved. Or maybe it was because I couldn't stop myself from thinking what those fingers would feel like if they were in my ass.

What the hell?

Agad akong umiwas ng tingin at muling uminom, hoping the alcohol would somehow make that thought disappear.

It didn't.

"What is it?" biglang tanong niya.

"What?"

"You have something to say since you keep glancing at me. Tell me, what is it?"

Would it really be a big deal kung si Kael ang tanungin ko? Technically yes, I'm not even gay. Asking another man to do it for me is kind of... humiliating. But Kael was different though, he wasn’t just some randoms, we're best friends. He knew I wasn’t gay, and I knew he wouldn’t suddenly think differently of me just because I ask. It should be fine, right? Fuck it.

"Use your words. Ano ba yon?" he asked impatiently and looking at me attentively.

"Look, I've been thinking about it." I nibbled my lips. "What if… you—" tinuro ko siya. "could help me. With, um… with my problem. I mean–your fingers...in my ass." ngumiwi ako.

I just realized that I can't t keep doing this with different people. I needed someone, someone that would willingly scratch the itch every time I wanted to.

There was a long pause, tumitig lang si Kael sa akin, like he was trying to make sense of what he's hearing. Then he pointed at my glass.

"Gaano na ba karami ang nainom mo?"

"Look, I'm not drunk, dude. I know exactly what I’m saying.”

Kael rubbed his face and let out a tired groan “No, Jace.” Umiling si Kael. “You need to ask someone else. Go back to that site and find someone who’s actually willing to do it for you."

“That’s the problem. It’s such a hassle. I want someone I’m comfortable with.”

Tinuro niya ang sarili niya. "Oh yeah, you looked at me and thought, 'Yeah, my gay best friend should do."

"Exactly."

"No."

"Come on."

"Ayoko. Absolutely not."

"Why not?"

"Because I enjoy having a normal friendship with you."

"We'd still be normal I swear. It's not that deep. Please?" I leaned forward, putting extra emphasis on the last word.

"No."

"Just think about it."

"My answer would still be a no."

Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na buntong hininga at sumandal sa couch. Kael glance at me.

"Find somebody else."

"Ayoko nga, ang hussle."

"That's unfortunate then." He said dryly.

Nagtama ang mata namin.

"You're really not going to help your best friend?"

“What kind of friend does that?” tanong niya at tumawa ng sarkastiko. “Naririnig mo ba sarili mo? You sound like a dog begging for food." Bumuntong hininga siya, halatang nauubusan na ng pasensya. “And why am I even having this conversation with you, anyway?” Pumikit nang mariin si Kael. “Maaga pa ako bukas, and you’re pestering me with this, for Christ’s sake.”

Kumalatak ako at huminga ng malalim, staring down at my empty glass. I can feel feel Kael watching me before he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"What's in it for me?"

"What?" tanong ko, nalilito.

Kael raised an eyebrow, looking almost amused. “Exactly, Jace. Ikaw tong may hinihinging pabor sa akin, so what exactly am I getting out of it?”

Tumitig ako kay Kael, my brain scrambling for an answer. Right. Fair.

Tinungga ko yung natitirang scotch sa baso ko.

"I'll blow you."

The words came out of my mouth before I can even stop myself. Ngumiwi ako, already wishing I could take them back.

Tumingin ako kay Kael. His face remained completely neutral. Of course. Considering all the weird shit I've said to him over the years, this probably wouldn't even surprise him in the slightest.

Nanaig ang katahimikan ng ilang segundo before Kael snorted.

“Sure, you would.” iling niya.

"No, dude. Seryoso. Stop looking at me like that. I know it's weird asking you this since I'm straight, pero think about it. Hindi naman natin kailangang gawing komplikado to. You'll finger me," umasim ang mukha ko nang sabihin ko yon. "and I'll blow you off. It's a perfect arrangement, we'll both get off from it."

“Do you even know how to give a proper blowjob?”sarkastikong tanong ni Kael. "You would have to suck another man's dick–" He stopped when he caught the look on my face. “Ano? Bakit ganyan ka makatingin? Is it weirding you out? Yun ang gusto mong gawin natin, so?"

Ngumiwi ako. I knew what I was getting into, but hearing him say it so bluntly actually gave me chills. But I'm not backing out now. Hell no.

Umiling ako “No. I mean, there’s always a first time for everything, right? So you will have to teach me.” I shrugged. “At ikaw naman yan, wala naman akong dapat ikabahala.”

Umiling si Kael habang nakatingin sa akin. "I told you. It will not end good."

"Bakit?"

"It will make things awkward for us, I don't want that."

"Dude, we've been friends for fourteen years. I promise it wouldn't make a difference."

Huminga ng malalim si Kael. “Hindi yon ganon kadali, Jace. I'm telling you."

I scoffed. "Oh please. We've seen each other at our worst. Hindi naman biglang masisira mga pinagsamahan natin dahil dito. Come on."

Kael gave me a doubtful look. “Tingin mo ba kaya mong umakto na parang walang nangyari pagkatapos? I know you. You'd be weirded out."

"I won't. I can tell you that."

Tumitig siya sa akin ng ilang segundo before the corner of his mouth lifted, like he was trying not to laugh. Kumunot ang noo ko. The hell's his problem?

"What?

“I don't know, man. You're not exactly my type.” Kael said, this fucker.

Sarkastiko akong tumawa. “Wow. You really love bringing that up, huh?”

Lumaki ang ngisi ni Kael. “Just being honest.”

Suminghal ako. “And for the record, just because I'm not your type doesn't mean I'm not attractive.”

“I didn't say you weren't.”

“Exactly." Umayos ako ng upo, feeling slightly offended. "I'm everyone's type. You’re the only one who isn’t apparently."

Humalakhak si Kael at hindi sumagot.

“I'm just saying, if I walked into a room full of gay men, statistically speaking, at least half of them would be into me." dagdag ko.

Kael raised his eyebrows and look at me with amusement in his eyes. "Uh-huh."

I leaned back, pinagkrus ang dalawang braso. “Anyway. My point is, I’m not gonna make it awkward, I promise. We’ll probably just laugh about it afterward and move on.” nagkibit balikat ako. “See? It’s not a big deal.”

Damn. I sound so convincing I almost laugh.

Pinagmasdan lang ako ni Kael nang ilang segundo, something oddly gentle in the way he looked at me, though there was still a hint of concern in his eyes. It was that same look he usually gave me when he was trying to figure out what the hell was going on in my head. Pinagtaasan ko siya ng kilay.

“You know, for a straight guy, you really put a lot of thought into this.”

"You know I am." sabi ko habang nakataas pa rin ang kilay. “So, still no?"

I gave him the look I've been using on him when I wanted a favor from him. It always worked, hanggang ngayon actually. Honestly, Kael was usually pretty easy to read.

"This is really a terrible idea, Jace." Hinagod ni Kael ang mukha niya gamit ang isang kamay. “Fine.”

Kumurap ako, that was fast. “Seriously?”

“Yes for christ’s sake, bago pa magbago ang isip ko. Ikaw ang nag-suggest nito, so don’t ever make things awkward for us after this."

Unti-unting lumaki ang ngisi ko. “Holy shit.”

“Don't look so happy. I don't even know how we're still friends at this point.” Kael sighed in exasperation.

“You know you’d be bored without me. Don’t even lie.”

"Uh-huh. Unfortunately."

Humalakhak ako at dali-daling tumayo. Nagtataka akong tinignan ni Kael.

"Where the hell are you going?" he frowned.

"Dude, sa kwarto mo. Where else?" I said with a laugh.

"Wait–hold on." He looked at me weirdly. "We're doing it now?"

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "Uh–yes?"

Hinilamos ni Kael ang mukha niya.