Every man I am looking at in any match, I involuntarily look for Erede first in that man.
It is sick, I know, but my preference is Erede as a starting point to search for Erede first in every love interest I encounter.Every match I have let through to me had something like him, whether physically or in how he addressed anything.It hurts to see me destroyed like that, even with just a thought passing through my head. I feel broken.My mother’s words ring a bell through me. ‘Why can't you stop liking him?’That is a million-dollar question. If I had an answer or way through. I think I would never see the world with the same eyes.Large wounds I am carrying because of him are heavy.I can’t run away from him forever, I can't run to him, nor can I hide from him for long enough.Because now he is my brother-in-law. He is an immediate family member. Erede’s wound is the largest wound I will carry around all my life.I think this is the biggest reason my love life went sideways from that incident five years ago.I honestly believe there is no punishment I have received more than loving deeply a married man who has been hurting me for so many years knowingly that he can never love me back the way I deserve.Of all the men I have used to bury him, some did trigger emotions in me and got too close to me to the point when we broke up.It hurt so much, but not as much as what I went through with Erede.He is still the man I am searching for, in all the men that come to my head.My forever obsession. I hate myself for that.Before I am done accepting the first request, five more men are already on the request line, and I am smiling heavily at my first accomplishment.At least I have a good startup.I had planned to start with five men in the first round, but at this speed. I would have to double them to ten men to make the pool bigger for easy selection.Then the hard part is waiting for their certificates and seeing who would be serious enough to go all the way and provide their medical record just to be with me.I have given my plan a timeframe of at least a month, but if we continue with this speed. I wouldn't need all that time.The problem will be my availability and my fertility window.From tracking my fertile days, and results from Doctor Fabian, tomorrow would be my first window.It is a profoundly serious bargain, but I pray and hope it works all well in my favor.It is time to shut down the mouths of the mamas from my small town.Most still doubt whether I have gotten over my first love, which in all senses is true. I still love that man so much, but I am going to love this baby more.I am another person outside my house. I live a lie to make my community happy.In front of everyone, I fake and act to fit in.I act as if I have a boyfriend who is in the military and never comes home and now, I will give them a reason to leave me alone.By getting pregnant and lying to everyone that it is my imaginary boyfriend who will be the father of my incoming baby.If I don't tell the lie, the rumors about who my baby's father is will destroy me.I plan to do everything a thousand miles from my hometown.I want to be so untraceable that every step I plan to take; I have run through my mind a thousand times.After accepting all five requests, my first notification comes from the guy who has just matched with me the last.Expecting the sixty-year-old named Don Mauro to come through first, but I was half disappointed when it was another guy coming through. His name is Luciano.My calculations went well with Don Mauro. He was old enough for the age group I wanted and he looked like a grown-up Erede.And I pray he is real and not someone from the internet playing jokes on my plan. We begin anyway.‘Hello'‘Hi'‘How are you, Keirah?'‘I am good and how are you, Luciano?''I am good.''Are you in Casablanca?''Yes.'I have gotten so good at lying even now when I am not chatting with my small-town people.I am telling a ridiculously huge lie without feeling guilty.I am currently a thousand miles away from Casablanca and I am lying to this guy.'I can get you the certificates in two hours. How long until I can meet you in person?'I hate that he is in a rush.I am the only one supposed to be in a rush because I am the only one who may tell lies in this situation.This is a red flag; he might tell lies too. But I am still fishing.It’s not a big deal.'Not long. Let's get the certificates first.'I am intrigued that I got one fool first. Going all the way to get a certificate.I click back to his profile picture, and he has set up a picture of him in his teen-ages.And I know why I accepted his request. He is a copycat with almost all the features like Erede.His profile says he was the same age as me. He is thirty-two years old.And I don't like this one bit.These kinds of men in my community are already in serious relationships and most of them come to dating sites to cheat on their spouses.I am so picky in my choices, and it scares me.At the beginning of the whole planning, my biggest worry was not having someone who would measure up to everything I wanted for this plan.In a few minutes, another match comes through.'Hello, there''Hi''How are you doing, Keirah?'‘Great.''Good, can I at least see you naked before all this?'If it was in my early days, I would feel bothered, but it no longer bothers me.It has been so hard for me to not feel anything anymore for the last few years.I expected someone like this in my matches, and he had unfortunately eliminated himself from the competition.I clicked on the safety button on the app and chose to unmatch with the guy; I was almost tempted to report his page.But that would not be fair, so I just closed the conversation and opened a new conversation from another match.Luciano is one hell of a narcist. In between all this, he still knows where to get me. He pulls me, then brings his lips to mine. Kissing me tenderly and eagerly that I almost forget everything, but I am reminded it is my body reacting to a lie. It’s all a lie. We found the feelings in lies.“Please stop this…. please…”I push him away from me and continue to sob loudly. It hurts so much. It hurts more to think he could be capable of hurting me like this.“Look at me… Tell me you do not feel this connection I am feeling. Please tell me I am not making this up. I have fallen madly in love with you, Keirah. Talk to me. I want to know Keirah. What does all this mean to you?” “If I tell you. Will that change anything.?” “Talk to me. Make it make sense. I do not understand.” “I do not have any feelings for you. I never did. All I have felt for you is pity.” “Do you accept me to believe that?” “It is fine by me. Whatever you believe sounds okay.” He tries to walk to me, and I halt his
Tears are flying down my face. Hurt, pain, and disappointment are all eating me up. The Mafia wants to get hold of these biochips. I was sacred of the doctors getting hold of them. What about the Mafia? This is very bad. It was all the plan since day one to give them the prototype for the biochips. But how naïve of me. I gave them more. I gave them my heart. What did I do so wrong? That I am always falling deeply in love with the men who don’t just break me. But kill me inside. Destroy every hope of my heart getting better.I cry out loud and I shiver as I sob. It feels too cold in the jacuzzi. I stand up, out of the jacuzzi and pick up a towel and wrap it around my body. My head still trying to wrap out why he would do this to me. “Was this all part of your deal with your uncle? Sleep with me and trick me to make me do what you want? “He trusted his nephew. A murderer…. and you are doing great. Have you told him I almost escaped? I almost succeeded that day. “You should thank th
In the wee hours of the morning. When I try to stand up, my legs feel jelly and I give up on standing. I lie still on the bed rewinding the day and what the hell just happened now? My mind is all back. Whatever happened yesterday was an in-the-moment thing, but the reality of all of it is back. I should not have slept with Luciano with all this going on. My plan to get someone in my pants worked. But it has gone sideways because I am in love again and this time around with this man lying beside me in bed. I have brought another heartbreak and pain to my heart once again. Maybe I should have been honest from the start and we would not have been in the state. I am also blaming myself for having sex without telling Luciano the whole truth that made me come to Casablanca. That I came all the way to get myself pregnant by deceit. And by the way, I have fallen for him. I want to assure him the plan was no longer what I wanted if I had him by my side.I now know what I have wanted all
And his voice drives me crazy in a good way. “I will take the clothes off. Just go on and close the door.” I throw off the clothes. My body is burning with heat for him. I want it. I have wanted him to fuck me forever. I throw myself on the bed. He closes the curtains and makes sure the door is closed. His gaze is down at me and now, after a few seconds, his eyes look completely different. He stands up and sheds his clothes before picking me out of the bed. His lips lock on mine and kiss me tenderly. He places my back onto the bed gently with his thumb on my lips, pressing his gaping mouth on mine while his hands work down to my breasts. He then locks our tongues together again and we both moan more. Making love to me makes my mind go blank. Moaning softly. My juices are dripping down my thighs. I put one hand on my clitoris, simulating it while another hand works with him up my breast. Playing around our body with foreplay for sometimes teasing our body. Wanting to build the pre
The thought of me wanting to save him and not kill me. Makes fear travel to my spine. I still let him hold on to me tight, helping him keep his head above water as I swim towards the riverbank. I did not believe him when he said he did not know how to swim. I help him out of the water and plead for him to forgive me. “I am so sorry. I should have listened when you told me you could not swim.” “Is that even a sincere apology? You almost killed me.” “Yes, I am sorry.”James walks up to us and hands Luciano a towel. Leaving us behind as if he did not want to intervene, Luciano takes the towel and walks away from me. Cursing as he dries his hair in a towel. I feel hurt. He did not need to curse me. I was wrong and did not know he could not swim. He is the one who said I don’t forgive easily. What is he doing to me now, after I sincerely apologized? He is human, Keirah... He is human. I would fume too if I was in his situation. I join Zia and James, who have invested their eyes on u
“I hated the world for taking away the only person who meant everything to me. She had no dreams except to get us out. It was so unfair, and I felt lost. That's what led me to choose wrong. “That's when it all started for me, turning into the dark. Turning into what I should not have turned into. I killed many people who handled her death, thinking it would take away some of this feeling of hurt. “But I still feel it every day. I thought If I revenged her. It would go away. But it never did. However, many people were killed. I still felt the pain of her loss grow every day.” Who is the woman? Is she the woman he is still in love with? Does he have an Erede in his life too? I haven’t heard him speak of a woman with so much love like this. He still loves her. He is madly in love with a dead woman.“I did that for a few years. I do not do it anymore, Keirah. I do not kill people for revenge except to protect myself. This gun here is to protect us. “When I reached the bottom. I felt m