5

Standing, I observe him dressing, overwhelmed with guilt for what I've subjected him to. Yet, my mind incessantly returns to thoughts of Steve, and I can't shake the worry about his well-being. The idea of him being hurt torments me, causing my own distress to intensify.

The anguish seems to engulf my entire being, resisting any attempt to escape. No matter how hard I try to evade it, the pain persists, leaving me with no reprieve.

"Hey, he'll be fine. I don't mind if you want to talk to him," Sean reassures me, offering a supportive smile. Although touched by his kindness, I find it challenging to accept.

"I'm okay. Now, let's go get the girls," I declare, moving toward the door. Sean catches my hands before I can slip away, his expression a mix of concern and confusion.

"I mean it. I'm not saying it to appease you. I'll still talk to Steve, and I'd gladly let him stay here. I have no issue with you talking to him," he asserts sincerely. While I know he means it, a part of me feels that limiting interactions with Steve might be best for everyone.

Nodding, I walk past him, avoiding delving into the matter at the moment. I need to focus on getting the girls and planning the joint party for their upcoming birthdays. Beatrice, being a fantastic friend, deserves a celebration.

"Their birthdays are in two days, Christmas in seven. Let's be honest, we don't have time for all this. My priority is sorting out the party, then Christmas," I state, determined to keep my mind occupied.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, I grab my coat, and Sean steps in front of me.

"Leave it. You stay here, plan the party, and send out invites. If you need to use Lustful Surrender, I'll go get the girls. My mom wants to go shopping anyway, so we'll go together. I can pick up something for you while I'm there."

He presents it as a simple solution, but shopping with kids is anything but easy. I suggest leaving the girls here for me to watch, making it simpler for him. Sean looks at me like I'm crazy for suggesting such a thing.

"No, we're taking them. You plan the party, and if you finish in time, go do some shopping. Honestly, Lisa, there are two of us; we can cope," Sean insisted, kissing my forehead before walking out. He left no room for argument. I knew he could handle looking after the girls, but I had hoped that having them around would distract my mind. Right now, though, it's noisy in my head, filled with thoughts and memories I'm desperately trying to hide from.

Heading upstairs, I entered the office and grabbed the laptop. Seated at the desk, I spent the next hour searching for a club I could hire on short notice. It seemed the club where I celebrated my birthday was the only viable option; others deemed it too short notice.

Living with Beatrice had its perks, including her consistently simple and unchanged password. Despite my insistence that she should update it, I opened a secret conversation on Messenger. I added all her contacts and messaged them the date and time, labelling it as a surprise. The beauty of the secret conversation was that it could only be viewed on my laptop, ensuring that even if she were logged in, she wouldn't know.

The sound of the downstairs door opening made me glance up. Sean couldn't be back so soon; it had only been an hour. Yet, he must be, as the door was locked. Finishing my tasks quickly, I heard footsteps approaching upstairs. Though not paying much attention, I continued working. Next on my agenda was inviting Steve, a task I anticipated would be challenging.

The door swung open, and my eyes flickered up, expecting to see a surprised Sean. Instead, Steve stood there, beaten and bleeding. What on earth had happened now? The immediate instinct to cry, comfort him, and assure him everything would be okay welled up within me. However, I resisted; I needed to treat him as I would any friend.

Standing up, I walked past him, heading downstairs with him following in silence. No doubt he had been in a fight, though the reason remained unknown. Grabbing the first aid kit, I placed it on the table. Steve sat quietly, looking at me.

"I was looking for Sean. He isn't answering," he muttered quietly, his eyes avoiding mine as if trying not to get too entangled, trying to behave.

"No, he's either driving or shopping. He went out with his mom," I replied, maintaining a sense of composure in the midst of the unexpected encounter.

My reply was almost a whisper; the situation was agonising, far from what it should be. My hands worked to wipe the blood off his face as his arm moved, retrieving a piece of paper from his pocket.

"I guess you'll find out anyway. Someone hit me with a car—not hard enough for serious damage. It seemed like they wanted to make it look like they were going to run me over and stop. But they didn't swerve in time, and they threw this out the window as well."

He slid the paper across to me. Did I really want to look? Our eyes met for the first time since earlier, when I told him I would never leave Sean for him. His pain flooded back through me as my hand grasped the letter and opened it. The contents revealed a note, or rather an ultimatum.

"We may be quiet, but we have not stopped. When the greedy get too much, it all falls down. Lisa, it will fall down very soon."

At least we knew they didn't like me and thought I was greedy, though the reason eluded me. Regardless, it didn't matter.

"20th December, you will go to the club to celebrate Beatrice's birthday and your own!"

My words cut to the point. I had dealt with so much already; what was a death letter, or whatever it was, when there were more important things in life? He looked at me as if I were crazy; whether it was because I shrugged off the letter or insisted he celebrate his birthday, I had no idea. His eyes, however, conveyed the belief that I was seriously losing it.

"No arguing; you're going. Just for once, do as you are told, Steve."

Shaking my head, I finished cleaning his face, burdened with guilt, feeling even more so than before.

"No arguing. I should go. Please tell Sean about what happened, please."

As I went to stand up, my hand reached out, stopping him.

"No, you will tell him. I am going shopping, so you stay here and wait for him to get back."

Getting up, I grabbed my coat and walked out the door. Climbing into the car, I sat quietly, listening to the silence. My head fell forward, resting on the steering wheel. Walking away after seeing him was so difficult.

The car door opened; looking up, Steve climbed into the passenger seat.

"I know Sean well enough that he wouldn't want you going alone after that letter. I am coming with you. I won't talk; I won't even look at you, Christ, Lisa."

His eyes were fixed forward. I didn't think I could handle it—the car was too small, all those emotions flooded back, and I could feel the tears building in my eyes. Concentrate, Lisa, drive, and concentrate.

Maybe I should just give up and postpone shopping for another day, but the reality is Christmas is only seven days away, and I can't avoid it. I need to go shopping. Pulling out of the driveway, he remains silent, and the entire drive feels uncomfortably quiet. I can't stand the silence.

"So, what's your plan now?" My question is almost a whisper. As hard as it is to talk to him, I can't ignore that he's in the car with me.

"Well, after Christmas, I'm going out on missions with the team; I'm just going to get away for a bit."

I want to argue, tell him no, and insist he isn't allowed to go on missions. Sean's last mission didn't end well, and the thought of something happening to Steve is frightening. With Ophelia gone, there is only the team around for Steve. The idea that he has no one to fight for at home makes me wonder if he'll do something reckless. But I can't. I told myself and him that nothing could happen. I have to let him do what he wants. At the same time, I can't agree or listen to him talking about going away. Sitting in silence, I park the car. The shops surround us. Now what?

I can feel his eyes on me, and as I turn, I confirm that he's watching. This was not a good idea. I know I won't sleep with him again, but the pain this is causing is going to break me.

"I'll come in with you; don't worry. I'll stay a far distance behind, like a bodyguard. I just know Sean won't be happy with either of us if you come alone and get hurt."

Nodding, I climb out, and sure enough, he walks behind me, not saying anything, just following. What am I going to buy Sean for Christmas? What can I buy him? I have no idea. Walking through shop after shop, I feel like I'm drowning. Sitting down, I give up; I can't think of anything.

"You're thinking too much, Lisa. Sean is simple to think about – his wants and needs. Honestly, think about it. What would Sean really like?"

My mind is trying to figure it out. "I can't exactly give him something like that in front of family and the girls, can I?" I laugh, realising Sean would love something for the playroom, but that's not something I can hand over in front of family.

"You're really bad at this present thing, aren't you? Buy something that you give him away from everyone else. Buy something like a watch, a keyring, a belt—I don't know—for him to open in front of everyone else."

He makes sense. Okay, so what do I buy then? Thinking back to the playroom, I know the one thing, but I don't even know if I can find it. The whip Kyle stole, his favourite whip. He didn't even try to find a replacement; he just accepted it was gone. But it was his favourite. I don't even know how to find that. I know Steve would, though, but that just feels too awkward. Looking at him, he seems to know what I am thinking.