CHAPTER EIGHT; NO MORE LIES DOCTOR.

I am really trying to listen to what my patient is saying but he has been telling me the same thing for an hour. Scratch that, he tells me the same thing every session since he started seeing me. I like him because no matter how hard he fails to implement the tools we come up with together, he never gives up and always wants to try again or come up with new tools. But this morning I just can't help but be distracted. We had talked with Laura for almost an hour yesterday. I was the one doing all the talking once I manage to find my voice. That was before Sandra told me she had lost all her memories before the accident just as I was about to go home. You know that feeling when you loose something you thought you had just found. That was the feeling I had the rest of the evening. But the look on her face when she first saw me. It was like she recognized me, like she was almost happy to see me.

My next appointment is at two pm, which means I have a free mid morning until after lunch. I decide to call Jade. It was her mother, she deserved to know no matter what was going on with her life. "Hello sweetheart, how are you?" "I'm good babe just at work thinking if I should actually work or watch a  movie," "One day your father is going to catch you watching a movie at work." "He's just glad I show up this days, he wouldn't wanna risk that by scolding me." I want to tell her, I really do but that's not the kind of news you say over the phone. "How about we meet later at Rochelle's, there's something I want to talk to you about." "You know how curious I get. How am I supossed to work now?" "You just said you wanted to watch a movie."  "Hey, baby just tell me. Have you taken a lover or are you pregnant?" "Lover, ew. Who says that?" I laugh slightly excited over how curious she is. "So that means you're pregnant with your lover's child." "Let me give you a clue, there's no lover and there's definitely no baby," she is silent for a while. "Does that mean that there is  a maybe lover," "No lover, period." "Damn, fine. I'll meet you later at Rochelle's." 

Avan is my two pm. I don't know what to tell him or what not to. It's almost two and I start getting nervous. Should I ask him about Doctor John or should I act normal. What even is normal with us? There's knocking on the door and I'm still spiralling. I decide not to tell him. I can't go wrong with not saying anything but I can with saying too much or the wrong thing. "Hey doc, sorry I couldn't come sooner." He sits on the couch like any other patient. "You did the best you could," I say trying to keep myself calm. "How have you been since the last time we talked?" He laughs coldly. "Which time, the phone call or in your office?" He knows, I'm sure he knows that I know. "Either, both?" He looks up at me. "A lot hapenned but not as much as what hapenned around." "What do you mean Avan?" He looks so serious than I have ever seen him before. "You tell me doctor, how have you been since the last time we talked," I can feel my hands getting colder.

"The phone call or when you were here last?" He is still seated, calmly looking at me with no emotion in his grey eyes. "Either,both." At that moment I want so badly to get up from my chair and run out of the office. His eyes do not look else where. Not even for a moment to allow me a minute to breathe. "I have uh.. been good," I answer trying to hold it in. "Isn't that a bit bland doctor. Just what do you mean by good?" I wish I had told Kerrick the truth. What if he did kill Dr.John and I'm next. My hands begin to get clammy, I have to say something. "I got two huskies from the shelter," the coldness in his eyes disappear for a second but just for a second. "What else?"  He asks not even blinking. "That was really the biggest thing that hapenned since we last talked."

He sits back and averts his eye to the painting behind me. "I don't know whether you're just cold or lying to me doctor," the tone of his voice is even colder than the look in his eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about," I try my best to sound confident. He stands and starts walking towards me. He stands behind me touching the painting he was looking at before. I don't turn, I remain staring at the now empty couch. "I'm talking about the death of the good doctor," my lips start trembling. "I uh..mmmh..uh," I try but cannot piece a sentence together. "I guess what I'm asking is, are you cold that the death of the doctor, a supossed friend of yours is so below your radar or are you trying to lie to me?"

After a while he turns towards me. I can feel him run his fingers through my leather chair. "I didn't mention it because it doesn't concern you," he laughs and moves his hand to the back of my head. "Doesn't it though? And if I may ask how do your dogs concern me then?" He is playing with my hair and all I can think is how quick he can snap my neck. "I didn't want to ruin the mood." "So you're still lying to me. That feels safe to you?" His hand has moved to the nape of my neck. "Okay, fine. The police suspect you had something to do with it and honestly so do I. Please don't kill me," he removes his hand from my neck and bursts out laughing. 

"Kill you, why would I do that? I need you alive." "For what?" I ask trembling. "To be my doctor obviously." I still don't know if I should ask him any other question. "You can ask," I shake my head slightly. "I know you want to," he sit at the end of my office desk looking at me eagerly waiting for the next question. "Did  you have anything to do with the death of Dr John?" He smiles at me. "I don't know but what I can tell you for sure is I did not know who he was until some detectives came to see me about his death," he looks at me this time with mischief in his eyes. "I heard the message he had left me. You were planning on referring me to him," I try to look at his expression to see if he is mad. 

He is smiling, "You're not pisssed?" He shakes his head, "you've never referred a patient before. Which means I make you uncomfortable, which means things are personal with me." I feel heat rise to my cheeks. He moves closer and touches my cheek and runs the tips of his fingers to my lips. "Are you scared you'll fall for your patient doctor?" I shake my head. "Use words," his voice echoes to the depth of my soul. "No, I'm not scared I'll fall for my patient," he smiles and moves his fingers down slowly to my chin. "No more lies, remember doc we've just talked about it." I need space, I can't think. I stand and try to walk away. He holds my waist and stop me. "What?" He asks like him holding me like that is no big deal.

"Okay, I'm scared." "Scared of what Vee?" "I'm scared you'll die on me." He moves his hands from my waist to my neck. His fingers run circles behind my ears. He gets up from my office desk. Every inch of our bodies is touching but I feel myself aching for more. He moves his face and allows his cheek to brush up against mine. "I won't," he whispers and start to nibble on my ear. He manages to tear down my rules, my principles, my boundaries with just that. When our lips finally collide I have no control. My mind shuts off, my soul burns up and my heart lights up.