Mating The Half She-Wolf

My fingers reached out, gripping the hem of the sheets. My manicured fingers dug into the satin, squeezing the fabric until I could feel my palm go numb. My boyfriend, Shawn, had his head buried between my thighs. His tongue flicked the tip of my clit, and my lips parted with ecstasy.

I kept my eyes closed, feeling every touch, every motion.

“Keep going,” I whispered, moving my hand so I could place it on his head.

He went deeper, going faster, making me gasp loudly. This was always the moment he’d caution me to keep it down, reminding me to stay quiet because my mum was in the room right next to mine. But tonight, he said nothing, he let me moan out my desires.

His hands started to move away from my legs, past my belly button to my breast. I used my free hand to follow his, intertwining our fingers to keep us connected.

But then I felt something strange, something unusual. His hands were hairier, rougher. His fingers were longer, sharper.

I pushed my eyes open in alarm, trying to remember if I could recall how this whole scene started in the first place.

He stopped, but didn’t move.

I took a deep breath before lifting my head slowly to get a better look at him. First, I saw black hair, just like Shawn’s.

“Shawn?” I called out softly, except my voice betrayed me, cracking as I spoke.

He grunted, but still made no attempt to look up.

“Babe?” I tried again.

“It’s your birthday,” he simply said.

I gasped, throwing his hands away from mine to move backwards. It wasn’t Shawn. It wasn’t his voice, but it wasn’t unrecognizable. It was the same voice that had haunted me since I was twelve.

“Who are you?” I asked the same question I always did whenever he was around. “Why are you here? Why can’t you leave me alone?”

A smile formed around his lips, his front hair blocking half his face from view. “If you really wanted me gone, I wouldn’t be here right now. Besides, you just turned eighteen. I’m here to celebrate.”

“Astra!”

My eyes snapped open. I blinked severally, trying to adjust to the darkness. I reached for the lamp on my side table and flicked it on. I was still unhinged, drenched in sweat and riling from the dream I had just woken up from.

“Ugh,” I sighed when I noticed there was no one else in the room with me. “Every fucking time.”

Dragging myself out of bed, I stumbled over to my vanity and turned on the light. My skin was flawless, my heatless curlers still intact. Nothing seemed out of place.

So why was I still having that damn dream?

I’ve had it almost every night since I was twelve. Not in the same exact settings, but always about the same boy. A boy whose face I can never make out, and whose voice I never seemed to remember once I was awake.

It was driving me crazy.

I couldn’t do anything about it though. Couldn’t tell my mum, and most especially not my friends. What if they thought I had a problem? What if they thought I was going mad? Or I was hunted? God forbid anyone ever finds out I’m not perfect.

As the most popular girl in school, I had an image to protect.

“Astra?”

I paused. “Mum?”

“Astra.”

I groaned in frustration, pushing myself up to walk to the door. “Mum, it’s past one, you’re supposed to be asleep. I know it’s my birthday but you really should have just waited.”

I flung the door open, ready to scold her some more, but she wasn’t outside. The hallway was empty and quiet.

I shook my head in confusion, closing the door. “What’s wrong with me? I know I heard my name.” I returned to sit in front of the mirror and started to examine my face once more.

But the longer I stared into the mirror, the more it looked like my eyes had begun to change color. I squinted, leaning forward, using my fingers to feel around my eye bags.

“What the hell?” I gasped, panicking. My voice now sounding slightly higher and cracked. My blue eyes were now glowing a golden yellow. “What is this?”

“Astra!”

I let out a shriek, falling to the ground, my fingers sinking into the fluffy rug beneath me. “Who said that?”

“Don’t be afraid, Astra.” The voice said again. “I’m not going to harm you.”

Not convinced, I leapt to my feet as quickly as I could and grabbed a hairbrush from the table. “Show yourself.” I said firmly.

“Great choice of weapon, Astra.” The voice said sarcastically. “We can give our enemies a new hairdo.”

“What…..enemies? What are you talking about?

The voice had an edge of sass that almost matched mine.

I lowered the brush. Despite everything, I didn’t feel threatened. The voice wasn’t coming from around me.

It was coming from inside me.

“Why can’t I see you?” I asked softly, turning around to look into every corner in my room.

“Because I’m inside of you. We’re technically one.” She explained.

I let out a breath. “I don’t understand. Who are you really?”

 “I’m Lola. Your wolf.”

“My... my what?” I whispered, even more confused.

“Your wolf,” she repeated.

I stood still, then shut my eyes, shaking my head. “No. This isn’t real. It’s just a dream.”

“Astra—”

“I’m dreaming. This isn’t real!” I repeated, pacing now, hands in my hair. “I’m losing my mind.”

“Stop it, Astra!” Lola’s voice rang through my skull, sharp and commanding. “You’re not dreaming. You’re not going mad. The Moon Goddess herself assigned me to you.”

“Well, you can tell this mood goddess person she made a mistake,” I snapped. “I don’t need a…voice in my head. I don’t need any of this!”

“Do not disrespect the Moon Goddess,” Lola warned. “You should be grateful I came early. Some get their wolves late. Some never do.”

“Can’t you just… go live in someone else’s head?” I asked, my voice trembling. “This isn’t working for me.”

“It doesn’t work that way,” she said gently. “We’re bonded now. For life. And we’ve got a lot to learn.”

“What do you mean?”

“Astra, you’re a werewolf. We should be part of a pack, we should have started training for this moment a long time ago. We need to find our bloodline, learn about our heritage.”

My forehead creased. I stared at my reflection, my eyes still shimmering with gold.

A werewolf?

Me?

I laughed under my breath, disbelieving. I always knew something was wrong with me, always felt different. Strange.

But I never imagined I’d be making up things in my head. Lola wasn’t real, she was all in my head. And werewolves do not exist.