Chapter 14

I know life is filled with a different spice of emotions. That is how it works. I also know that rationally if you want to feel alive the first you have to get is feelings. But in times like these, I question rationality sometimes. I felt like I was a stupid to even think like that because the only thing I felt since I was born is betrayal, hurt, broken, anger, hatred, vulnerable. And pain. I hoped. As in the past. But as the time went by, my hope died. Just like a candle that dies after giving light to everyone. 

I never questioned why my life is like this. I feel that I deserved it. Pain is the only thing I continue to feel every second. And I welcomed it with my open arms because maybe. Just maybe that I would know that I am at least alive. 

Life is playing with me. Fire enveloped me. Burning me into ashes and I am not Phoenix to rebirth again myself from my ashes. I just need some water to stop the fire and engulf