Chapter 4: Drunk in Pain

"Where are you right now? Are you in our condo? I love you."

One message arrived on my phone.

It was from Edward.

I stared at the screen, reading his words over and over again. I couldn't understand how he could bring himself to tell me he loved me just before betraying me.

How could he?

Sa lahat ng tao sa mundo, yung taong binigyan mo ng buong tiwala ang siya pang dudurog sa puso mo sa isang bagsakan.

I couldn't explain the pain he had caused me. It was so overwhelming that even my eyes seemed exhausted from crying. My cheeks were still damp, my eyelids swollen, and my head throbbed from the hours I'd spent breaking down.

Lately, my eyes seemed to have grown accustomed to being puffy and messy.

I reached for my phone again and called Melissa.

She answered after a few rings.

"Hello? Athira?"

"Mel, are you busy?" I asked quietly, trying to keep my voice steady.

There was a brief pause on the other end. "No. Why? What's wrong?"

I swallowed hard, struggling to keep the lump in my throat from choking me.

"Can you come with me for a drink?"

Another pause followed, this time shorter than the first.

"Girl, what happened?" she asked, her voice laced with concern.

I pressed my lips together, but the moment I heard the worry in her voice, my eyes began to sting again.

"Please, Mel." My voice cracked as I squeezed my eyes shut. "I just need someone to talk to."

Her tone softened immediately.

"Okay. Where are you? I'll meet you there."

I told Melissa we'd meet at a bar not far from the hotel where we worked.

I arrived first and took a seat at the counter. Within minutes, I'd emptied an entire bottle of hard liquor.

Mataas naman ang alcohol tolerance ko, and I knew my limits. Nalalasing pa rin naman ako, pero hindi ganoon kadali.

But right now, I didn't care.

Wala akong pakialam kung gaano karaming alak ang pumasok sa sistema ko. Gusto ko lang patahimikin ang isip ko kahit sandali.

But apparently, I wasn't the only one who noticed my pathetic attempt to drown my sorrows in alcohol.

"ATHIRA, STOP THAT!" Melissa shouted as she hurried toward me from the entrance of the bar.

I turned toward her just in time for her to snatch the bottle from my hand. She placed it on the counter before facing me and cupping my cheeks, gently but firmly making me meet her gaze.

"Are you out of your mind?" she demanded, her brows furrowing in disbelief. "You can't just chug an entire bottle like it's water!"

I stared at her, blinking slowly as I tried to process her words.

"Why not?" I mumbled with a weak shrug.

Her expression softened as she took in my tear-stained face. She slowly lowered her hands from my cheeks, then pulled out the stool beside me and sat down.

"Tell me everything," she said gently, resting a hand on my arm. "What happened? I'm listening."

I stared at her for a moment, my lips parting as I tried to find the right words.

I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to let it all out, to finally share the pain I'd been carrying alone since I discovered Edward's betrayal.

But somehow, finding the courage to speak felt harder than I had expected.

I lowered my gaze and fiddled with my fingers, picking at my nails to distract myself from the ache in my chest.

"Mel, he cheated on me," I finally whispered.

Melissa went still.

She slowly withdrew her hand from my arm, staring at me as though she'd misheard what I'd just said.

"What?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Edward," I repeated, my voice breaking as I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Nahuli ko siya. May kasama siyang babae sa clinic niya."

"Oh, my God, Athira." She brought a hand to her mouth, her eyes widening in disbelief. "You're serious?"

I nodded weakly, pressing my lips together as another wave of pain washed over me.

"And it wasn't just a one-time thing." I let out a bitter laugh, wiping away the tears that had begun to gather in my eyes again. "Five years, Mel. Limang taon niya akong niloloko. And he's doing it in exchange for a sponsor for his dream clinic."

Melissa fell silent.

Her lips parted, but no words came out as she struggled to process what I'd told her. She looked at me as though she desperately wanted to say something, anything, that could make the situation less painful.

But there was nothing she could say to undo what Edward had done.

After a moment, she pulled me into a tight embrace, wrapping her arms around me as she gently rubbed my back.

I clung to her like a child, my tears soaking the fabric of her blouse.

"I don't understand, Mel," I sobbed against her shoulder, clutching the back of her blouse. "Bakit niya nagawa sa akin 'to? I loved him. I supported him. I thought we were building our future together."

"Shh. It's okay," she whispered, holding me tighter. "Ilabas mo lang."

"Hindi okay!" I cried, abruptly pulling away and shaking my head.

I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand, but the tears kept falling. My chest tightened as I struggled to catch my breath, every memory of Edward suddenly feeling like another knife twisting in my heart.

"Nothing about this is okay!" I continued, my voice trembling with anger and hurt. "He told me he loved me, Mel. He literally told me he loved me, and all this time, he was sleeping with another woman!"

My voice rose with every word, drawing a few curious glances from the people nearby. I barely noticed them. All I could think about was the betrayal that had shattered everything I'd believed in.

"I feel so stupid," I choked out, pressing a trembling hand against my chest. "Ang tanga-tanga ko! How could I not know? How could I let him fool me for five fucking years?"

"Hey." Melissa firmly gripped my shoulders and turned me toward her. "Don't you dare blame yourself for what he did."

“But—” I started, only for her to cut me off.

“No. Listen to me, Athira,” she insisted, holding my gaze. “You trusted him because you loved him. That's not something you should be ashamed of. Ang dapat mahiya ay siya dahil siya ang nanloko. Hindi ikaw.”

I pressed my lips together, fighting to keep another wave of tears from spilling over. Her words made sense, but the guilt still clung to me, refusing to let go.

“Bukas, end everything with him,” Melissa continued firmly, giving my shoulders a reassuring squeeze. “Sa sobrang hayop ng ginawa niya sa'yo, hindi niya deserve ang pagmamahal mo. You deserve so much better, honey.”

“Thank you,” I murmured, managing a small smile despite the heaviness in my chest.

Melissa studied my face for a moment before a mischievous grin slowly crept across hers.

“Mas mabuti pa, mag-fuck and go ka this night!” she declared, throwing one hand into the air as if she'd just come up with the most brilliant idea in the world. “Hayaan mo lahat! Hook up with someone you find attractive. Kalimutan mo yung pangit mong boyfriend, okay?”

I blinked at her, momentarily stunned by how quickly she'd gone from comforting me to encouraging me to ruin my own life in an entirely different way.

“Advice ba talaga 'yan?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at her. “Ba't parang ipapahamak mo ako?”

Melissa let out a loud laugh and waved off my concern.

“Girl, single ka na ulit, okay?” she exclaimed, leaning closer and nudging my arm. “Make some funnnn! Dance to the disco right there!”

Natawa na lang ako sa kanya, and miraculously, parang nawala lahat ng luha ko. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but for some reason, I suddenly thought Melissa's advice wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Why should I spend the entire night crying over a man who had spent five years making a fool out of me?

With that thought in mind, I pushed myself off the stool and began walking unsteadily toward the dance floor.