Chapter 29

My Cheating Mate

Emma pov

Dr. Sarah Chen's office was nothing like I'd expected. Instead of sterile and clinical, it was warm—soft lighting, comfortable chairs, plants in every corner, and a diffuser releasing something that smelled like lavender and cedar.

It should have been calming. Instead, my stomach was in knots.

Jeremy sat beside me on the couch, careful to leave space between us. He'd been discharged from the hospital two days ago, and while he was healing physically, he still moved slowly, still winced when he shifted wrong.

Dr. Chen settled into her chair across from us, a notepad in her lap but her attention fully on us. She was maybe fifty, with kind eyes and silver streaking through her dark hair. She radiated a calm competence that should have been reassuring.

Instead, I wanted to bolt.

"Thank you both for coming," she said, her voice gentle. "I know starting therapy can be intimidating, especially for wolves. We're taught to handle everything ourselves, to be strong, to not need help. But seeking help is actually the strongest thing you can do."

Jeremy nodded, his hands clasped tightly in his lap. I could feel the tension radiating off him.

"I'd like to start by establishing some ground rules," Dr. Chen continued. "This is a safe space. Whatever is said here stays here. You're both allowed to feel whatever you feel without judgment. And most importantly—we're here to heal, not to assign blame."

"But there is blame," I said before I could stop myself. "This isn't a situation where we're both equally at fault. Jeremy had an affair. Jeremy planned to use me. Jeremy—"

"Emma." Dr. Chen's voice was still gentle but firm. "You're absolutely right. Jeremy's actions caused significant harm. But if we spend our sessions focused only on blame and punishment, we can't move forward toward healing. That doesn't mean minimizing what happened. It means acknowledging it fully so we can work through it."

I nodded, swallowing hard against the anger rising in my throat.

"Jeremy," Dr. Chen turned to him. "Why don't you tell me, in your own words, why you're here?"

He took a deep breath. "Because I betrayed my mate in the worst way possible. I had an affair, I lied, I gaslit her into doubting her own instincts. And I—" His voice cracked. "I planned to use her to produce an heir and then reject her. Emma walked in on me with Vanessa and heard everything."

Hearing him say it out loud, to a stranger, made it real in a way it hadn't been even during the trial. I felt tears pricking my eyes.

"And how do you feel about those actions now?" Dr. Chen asked.

"Disgusted. Ashamed. Like I destroyed the best thing in my life through selfishness and cruelty." Jeremy's hands were shaking. "I hate who I was. Hate what I did to her. And I'm terrified I can't fix it."

"Emma, what's it like hearing Jeremy say this?"

I looked at Dr. Chen, then at Jeremy, then down at my own hands. "I don't know. Part of me wants to believe him. Wants to think he's really changed, really understands how much he hurt me. But another part—" My voice broke. "Another part remembers him saying he never loved me. Remembers him with her. Remembers being made to feel crazy for not being okay with their 'friendship.'"

"Tell him," Dr. Chen said gently. "Tell Jeremy how it felt. What it did to you."

I turned to face Jeremy fully, tears already streaming down my face. "You made me doubt everything. Every time I brought up Vanessa, you made me feel like the problem. Like I was insecure, jealous, immature. You gaslit me into thinking my instincts were wrong when they were screaming that something was off."

"I know," Jeremy whispered, his own eyes wet. "Emma, I'm so—"

"Don't apologize yet," Dr. Chen interrupted. "Just listen. Let her speak."

I nodded, grateful. "I tried so hard to be the perfect mate. I baked your favorite foods. I asked about your day. I swallowed my discomfort with Vanessa because you told me to. I made myself smaller, quieter, less demanding because I thought that's what you needed." The tears were coming faster now. "And the whole time, you were sleeping with her. Planning to throw me away. I wasn't a person to you. I was just an inconvenient obligation."

"That's not true," Jeremy said, his voice breaking. "Emma, you were never—"

"It felt true!" I shouted, the anger finally breaking free. "It felt like I didn't matter! Like I was just a means to an end, a broodmare with the right bloodline!"

The words hung in the air between us, raw and painful.

"Jeremy," Dr. Chen said quietly. "What Emma is describing—making her feel small, dismissing her concerns, planning to use her—those aren't the actions of someone who valued her. Can you acknowledge that?"

He was crying now, tears running down his face unchecked. "Yes. I treated her like she was disposable. Like the mate bond was an obligation instead of a gift. And Emma—" He turned to me, his expression devastated. "You're right. I didn't see you as a person. I saw you as an obstacle to what I thought I wanted. And I hate myself for it. I will hate myself for it for the rest of my life."

"Hating yourself doesn't help me," I said, my voice raw. "It doesn't undo what you did. Doesn't give me back the six months I spent thinking I was crazy."

"I know. You're right." Jeremy wiped at his face. "What do you need from me? What can I do?"

"I don't know!" The words came out as almost a wail. "I don't know what I need. I don't know how to trust you again. I don't know how to stop seeing you with her every time I close my eyes."

"That's what we're here to work on," Dr. Chen said gently. "Emma, what you're describing is traumatic betrayal. It's not something that heals quickly or easily. Jeremy, what you're describing is deep-seated guilt and self-loathing that's manifesting in self-destructive behavior."

"How do we fix it?" Jeremy asked desperately. "How do I fix what I broke?"

"There's no quick fix," Dr. Chen said. "Healing from betrayal trauma takes time. It requires Jeremy to consistently demonstrate through actions, not words, that he's changed. It requires Emma to process her anger and hurt in healthy ways, not suppress it. And it requires both of you to learn new patterns of communication and trust-building."

"How long?" I asked. "How long until I can trust him again?"

"There's no timeline. For some people, it's months. For others, years. And for some, trust can never be fully rebuilt." Dr. Chen's voice was compassionate but honest. "But Emma, healing isn't about going back to how things were. It's about building something new. Something stronger and more honest."

"I don't know if I can do that," I admitted, the words feeling like failure. "I don't know if I'm strong enough."

"You took a silver blade for him," Dr. Chen pointed out. "You stayed by his bedside for weeks. You came here today even though it terrifies you. You're stronger than you think."

"But what if it's not enough?" The question came out small, lost. "What if I do all the work, process all the trauma, and I still can't trust him?"

"Then we'll deal with that when we come to it," Dr. Chen said. "But right now, let's focus on today. On this session. On taking the first step."

She turned to Jeremy. "I want you to tell Emma, specifically and honestly, why you had the affair. Not excuses. Not justifications. The real reasons."

Jeremy looked like he wanted to run. But he took a deep breath and met my eyes.

"I had the affair because I was selfish," he said slowly. "Because I'd spent my whole life planning a future with Vanessa, and when the mate bond chose you instead, I felt robbed of my choice. I resented you for being chosen when I wanted someone else."

Each word was a knife, but I forced myself to listen.

"I convinced myself that the mate bond was wrong, that the Moon Goddess made a mistake, that I knew better." His voice was thick with shame. "So I took what I thought I was owed—Vanessa—while keeping you as the politically convenient mate. I compartmentalized. Told myself it wasn't really cheating because I'd never wanted you in the first place."

"Did you ever want me?" I asked, the question barely a whisper. "At any point during those six months, did you ever actually want me?"

Jeremy was quiet for a long moment. "I don't know," he admitted finally, and the honesty hurt worse than a lie would have. "I think I wanted to want you. Wanted to make the bond work because it was what I was supposed to do. But I never gave us a real chance. Never let myself see you as anything other than the obligation standing between me and what I thought I wanted."

"And now?" My voice was shaking. "What do you see now?"

"Now I see everything I threw away," he said, tears streaming down his face. "I see a woman who's strong, compassionate, brave. Who saved me even after I destroyed her. Who's sitting here doing the hardest work imaginable because she's willing to try. And I see that I'm the luckiest man alive if you give me even a fraction of another chance."

"But how do I know that's real?" I demanded. "How do I know you're not just saying what I want to hear because you're scared to be alone?"

"You don't," Dr. Chen interjected gently. "Not yet. That's what rebuilding trust means, Emma. It means Jeremy has to prove through consistent actions over time that his words match his behavior. And it means you have to be willing to observe those actions without immediately assuming the worst."

"That sounds exhausting," I said.

"It is," Dr. Chen agreed. "Healing is exhausting. But it's also necessary if you want to move forward—together or separately."

The session continued for another thirty minutes—Dr. Chen asking probing questions, me crying through answers, Jeremy looking like each word I spoke physically hurt him.

By the end, we were both emotionally wrung out. Exhausted. Raw.

Dr. Chen scheduled us for individual sessions—me on Tuesdays, Jeremy on Thursdays—and another couples session in two weeks.

"This was hard," she said as we prepared to leave. "But you both showed up. You both engaged honestly even when it hurt. That's the foundation we build on."

In the car on the way home, Jeremy and I sat in silence. He'd offered to drive me since I was still shaking, my eyes swollen from crying.

"That was brutal," he finally said.

"Yeah."

"But necessary."

"Yeah."

More silence. Then: "Emma? Thank you. For being honest. For telling me how much I hurt you. I needed to hear it, even though it killed me."

"I needed to say it," I admitted. "I've been carrying it for so long. The anger, the hurt, the feeling of not mattering. Getting it out felt—" I paused. "It didn't feel good. But it felt necessary."

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"No. But I think that's normal." I looked at him. "Are you?"

"No. But like you said—I think that's normal."

We pulled up to my father's house where I'd been staying. Jeremy put the car in park but didn't move to get out.

"I meant what I said in there," he said. "About seeing what I threw away. About being lucky if you give me another chance. Emma, I—"

"Don't," I stopped him. "Don't make promises right now. We're both too raw. Just—" I paused. "Just keep showing up. To therapy. To the work. That's all I need right now."

"I can do that."

"Good." I opened the door, then paused. "Jeremy? This was hard. But I'm glad we did it."

"Me too."

I went inside, closed the door, and immediately collapsed on the couch. My father appeared from the kitchen, took one look at me, and pulled me into a hug.

"How was it?" he asked.

"Brutal," I said into his shoulder. "Exhausting. Painful."

"But?"

"But I think we needed it. I think we need a lot more of it."

"You're brave, baby girl."

"I don't feel brave. I feel tired."

"Brave people usually do."

I fell asleep there on the couch, emotionally spent, but for the first time in months, I felt like maybe—just maybe—we were on the right path.

It was going to be a long road.

But at least we'd taken the first step.