I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING but how much I always loved her. Even if she always was the one with the credits and everything, I loved her! I still do. Then why did she do all of this to me? Why...?
Maybe I did something bad to her and she made me forget about it by controlling my mind."You were so naive, Natasha," yeah, you've already stated that. "To the point that you didn't use the magic jewel which could avoid your mind from being washed and manipulated," that's because I didn't know about its existence before it was too late!If at least, I could go back in time, the first thing I would do would be to get some jewels that were imbued with magic that could protect me against any kind of mind magic.That could protect me from her!"Oh, Natasha," she touched my hair, "poor child... It was obvious that you would never be favored by others like I was, as well as obvious that I would have a good marriage with one of the Imperial or Royal Princes, not you," lies!Why doesn't she stop lying at this point? What would she gain by lying to me when I'm in death's bed?Besides, if it was obvious like she's saying, which it wasn't, I wouldn't have had so much trouble while working on a way to make her that son of a bitch's fiancee. And she wouldn't have to make me do so either.There's no forgetting about the war caused by using me to murder all the possible matches of her beloved 3rd Imperial Prince. She made me kill all the available Princess from the other Empires and Kingdoms, even the ones that weren't of marriable age yet, just so she could be the only possible person to be chosen to marry him. It's ridiculous.And cruel. Especially because that ended in a very bloody war."But for me, these strings I had on you still wasn't enough," oh, I can see that! "I hated to see you happy, to see you laugh, to see you well even if I was being treated better than you were. So even if I had brainwashed you and had control over your mind, I wanted to see you genuinely broken and not just because I told you to be, not a fake feeling. No, no, no, I wanted it to be real," she said everything with a sweet smile that didn't reach her actions nor her eyes. "I dreamed with the day I would be able to see you falling deep into despair."How can she act so naturally while saying those vicious things to me? Or is she telling me the shitty truth in a naive attempt to confess herself and to take the weight off of her shoulders? If that's it, it's stupid and it won't work.I won't let it work."I hated the fact that you could be mad or sad, but you never demonstrated to anyone, and I wanted to see you cry, to see you in pain... I craved to see you showing your hatred and how hurt you were under the surface," so, she lost her mind and then destroyed my life because her mind is... wicked?The worst part is that even tho she did all of that, I'm not one hundred percent hating her because of it, once I can't remember the past. A part of me is just... completely shattered and full of emptiness, lost in a dark void. And with that, I mean, a really big part of myself is broken and I don't think I can recover from all this. Ever.But it's not like I have time for that either.My heart aches so much. I feel like it's about to burst. And the pain is almost unbearable, it hurts more than being dismembered, which already happened to me while I was being restlessly tortured in my brother-in-law's dungeon.Dalilah manipulated my actions, my thoughts, and my feelings. The only thing that was real was my love for her when she didn't even deserve it. What have I done to her to deserve all of this?And why does my chest hurts like this?I lived a trash life and acted like a truly vicious person. Yet, seeing me like this makes her happy? What the fuck is wrong with her?"Do you understand that I've waited thirteen years for this moment, Natasha?" Well, her tone really shows how much she hates me. She pronounced my name as if it was a freakin' curse. "How many years I waited just to see this hideous expression on your face? And you know what? It was worthy. It couldn't have been better. I dare to say that it's the most satisfying feeling I've ever felt in my life. This sorrow, sadness, deception, and hatred on your face Natasha... oh, my dear, It's what I'd wished to see my whole life. Thank you, for this last gift," Goddess, I want to punch her face so bad. "And for you to see how good I am, I'll even give you something in return," what the hell is she saying?What does she mean by giving me something in return? How am I supposed to react to that? What am I supposed to expect from it? Especially coming from a rotten person like her. And why would she do this?In the instant that followed, literally, like magic, I felt as if a lock had been broken in the confines of my mind, releasing all my lost memories at once. Flooding my subconscious with my, until now, forgotten feelings. I felt sicker than ever when our eyes met and I saw the hideous psychotic smile on her lips.I vomit, but once I've been starving for days and tortured for just as long, only my blood came out. And that made a lot of the bastards that were waiting anxiously for my execution curse disgusted. But Dalilah didn't even blink at that.Her vicious smile only got wider."Ha, how delightful. It seems like my love tortured you really well, uh," she held my chin, "I gave your memories back now, sis, just so I can see you feel bad with all the things I'd made you do and you did. I hope you are terrified by it," I felt the tears in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. "Pfft... I'll take this expression on your face as your gift for me. So thank you, dear sister, I'll make sure to treasure it forever in my mind.""...."If they hadn't cut off my arms in punishment for killing and stealing, I would fucking strangle her right in the spot. I would separate her spine from her body. Not only that, I would whip her existence from Padaman so bad that not even the Goddess would be able to save her.My heart hurts.My body hurts.My mind hurts.Why does everything hurt so damn much?I STILL CAN NOT BELIEVE this is happening.Yeah, it's obvious that she betrayed my trust, used and abused me, and manipulated and brainwashed me as well. But my mind's still trying to get the meaning of this. My heart and mind are conflicted.I'm her sister, her twin after all!I'm not lying when I say that I love her. It's not like there's a [stop loving] button I can push and whip the feeling I have for her. That's why it hurts so bad.That doesn't mean I'm not angry. That doesn't make me stop wanting to kill her. Cuz I am furious. I want to scream and beat the shit out of her. But my love for her is still here.She always had people's attention and love, while I didn't. She was loved by our parents in a way I never was, but I was happy to see her being loved, especially because I knew how much it hurts to not have my parents' affection. I was already bad when I was a kid, but she wanted to see it? What's wrong with her?Did she hit her head when she was born or something like
I DON'T HAVE MORE TIME, so, please, I know I shouldn't ask this after every life my hands ended... but I can't help it. So, I'm asking for a second chance. One more chance and I'll do it differently. I swear I will.Let me do it right, just give me another chance. I'm begging you, Mikla! Or whoever has the power to grant me this last wish-I'm so scared of death... And I know I shouldn't be when I became so familiar with her, but I fucking am. I don't find my death attractive at all. It scares me more than anything.As I saw Dalilah going back to Christopher's side, I finally let the tears fall, falling them and getting mixed with the blood on my face.When I turned to meet the cold and shining ruby-red eyes of the executioner under his pitch-black helmet, I saw the ax dangerously close to my precious neck. He held it higher. And when he was about to behead me, I swear that I sensed him smiling at me.Not only that, but by the look in his eyes, he seemed amused by what he was goi
AS EXPECTED, NO ONE CAME IN. I thought someone would come, once I screamed when I woke up here, but I was wrong. Although it's not a surprise, because there were just a handful amount of people on my side. Valerian, of course, is who cares the most for me. After him, there's Asher and Sir Thorin Meelany, my disciple-brother and my swordsmanship master, respectively. Then comes Katherine, my nanny, and personal maid, who takes care of me as if she was my mother. Lastly, the head butler Leon and the kitchen's head chef, Yoostaf.Oh, there's also my naive father, Grand Duke Gilbert, though he's a complicated matter. He does care for me, but not as much as he does for my siblings, besides, he's always manipulated by my mother, Grand Duchess Cleo, because she keeps using his love for her to let her do anything she wants to. And even knowing that I'm not his favorite neither close to that, just the fact that he loved me at least a little bit was always enough for me.Stupid, isn't it? But
WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO OPEN THE DOORS I stopped and took a few steps back, waiting. And when I recognized the aura of the person coming in, I hugged her the moment she set her foot inside. Catching her by surprise."Are you alright, Your Royal Highness?" Damn, why is she still using those honorifics with me at this point? "Did you have a nightmare?""Ah, Kate, I did… The worst and longest nightmare of my whole existence," and living like that was indeed a damn nightmare. "I thought I would never wake up," and that almost happened, seeing how I died back there.For Mikla's sake, it gives me goosebumps just thinking about what I felt when the ruby-red-eyed executioner was beheading me. I took three steps away from Kate and passed my hands on my neck, swallowing hard.Fuck… I don't want to go through that again! Not again. And for me not to have my beautiful head separated from my precious neck, I can't let myself get caught when I kill the important people who did that to me. Because I
I RESTED MY HANDS ON HER SHOULDERS, "Come on, I'm not pranking you, Kate. I mean every word I've said."It's embarrassing that she thought I was joking about this, about not believing in my twin anymore. Damn, I can't even imagine how Val will react, especially after we fought so many times because of it. Although I am, honestly, looking forward to his reaction.Will he get happy?Or won't he believe in me like Kate doesn't?"What?" She touched my forehead with both of her hands, twice. "But you don't have a fever!""Ha ha ha, you are so funny, oh my Goddess," I exclaimed sarcastically, and Kate rolled her eyes. "Believe in me, Kate! I'm telling the truth."Sigh. "It's just that you've protected her so many times to the point where you've even quarreled with Prince Valerian when he tried bringing that up… Even I tried talking to you about it before," I was dumb to not listen to any of them.If I had trusted their words back there, maybe things wouldn't have turned upside down a
WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO GO DOWN THE STAIRS, I met Sir Leon, the head butler, who to my luck is also on my side. Realizing that he seemed to want to say something to me, I stopped midway and waited for him to reach me. When he did, he bowed respectfully and kissed the back of my gloved hand."Your Royal Highness," then his dark-green eyes met my golden eyes again. It's been so long since I last saw him because after my parents' death he went to the Mage's Tower and never came back. So I had forgotten how grateful he looked with those eyes, olive skin, and his shoulder-length wavy black hair. "Did you have a good night of sleep, Princess?" Oh, and his kind voice too.I greeted him back. "Yes, Sir Leon," it was a lie, of course. But he doesn't need to know that. And I don't want to start explaining any of that again. "You seem to want to speak with me about something," he nodded. "What's the matter?""Her Ladyship, Viscountess Chelsea Meelany," Sir Thorin's older sister, who's me and my s
"WHAT? DID THEY STARVE YOU FOR A WHOLE MONTH? How dare they do this to my daughter?" Dad yelled, shocked, and got up.Fuck. Look at what I have done. I need to control my mouth or I'm going to get in trouble."No, dad. Don't worry. No one dared to starve me. None of them have such an obvious death wish," he sat down again, still confused. "I was just thinking out loud. I didn't starve, I just felt like that because I woke up so hungry." He sighed.Val stared at me as if he didn't believe a word I said and knew I was lying. "For Mikla's sake, Tasha, don't scare me like that! I can't even imagine what I would do if anyone dared to harm or starve any of my children," I sided-looked at my mother, and she gazed back at me arrogantly, but I could see how she gulped at my father's words.And again, Val noticed that too. Although he didn't say a word about it. "What kind of dream did you have that made you wake up so hungry, Tasha?" Ha, you don't want to know that."I starved for about a
ANOTHER GOAL I NEED TO ACCOMPLISH is to make my dad choose an archery tutor for me as fast as possible, because back in my previous life he only had this idea about four months from now, claiming that once I had already mastered swordsmanship, I should try mastering the bow and arrow. And although I was outstanding in fighting with literally all weapons before I died, I am not sure if I can perform just as well in this body as I could in my twenty-seven-year-old one. And especially if that's possible, I will need an excuse for my archery skills. Because I don't think they would believe in me if I said that I learned that in a dream.Moreover, the reason for me to 'learn' archery, is because I always had the desire to kill the 3rd Imperial Prince using his weapon, and once I couldn't do that in the 1st timeline, I'll do the impossible to kill that fucker if needed. And he will pay for having tortured me.I still remember vividly the sensation of him taking my eyes out, the pain. How