On Her Terms, At His Cost

Ellie's POV

If you asked me when I fell in love with Asher Thorne- I wouldnt know what to tell you․

Maybe when I was 8 years old or‚ maybe‚ when I was 17․

Or maybe I had loved him so quietly for so long that by the time I realized I was in love with him-‚ the feeling was already there․

So I dont remember the exact moment-․

But I remember everything else.

The rain in London.

The sound of his laugh.

He always used to walk on the side of the pavement which was closest to the road․

His hand is warm around mine․

He looked at me the way he used to‚ like there was nothing wrong with me at all․

Like I am the perfect girl out there

I was a chubby little girl with a round face‚ big legs and a penchant for hiding behind big jumpers․ I hated being photographed․ I hated school uniforms․ I hated swimming lessons. 

Mostly‚ I hated mirrors․

But these were insecurities that Asher never seemed to notice․

Or maybe he just didn't care to notice them․

I met Asher Throne when I was eight years old․

We went to the same school in London and lived a few streets apart but somehow‚ even before either of us had the sense to realize what that meant‚ we became inseparable․

He was my best friend․

My protector.

My secret keeper.

My person.

When I was little I used to think everyone had someone like Asher-.

Someone who would wait outside the classroom when you were scared,.

Someone who would save you the seat beside them at lunch.

Someone who would give you half their sandwich even after you had already eaten yours.

Someone who would stand between you and the world whenever the world became too loud.

I didn't understand how rare that was.

I only knew I had him.

And that was enough

I remember the first time someone made fun of my weight.

We were eleven.

A girl in my class looked at me during lunch and laughed-.

"Do you ever stop eating?-" She asked with a smirk

Everyone around her laughed,.

I didn't.

I just stared down at my lunch-.

I remember trying very hard not to cry,.

Then Asher dropped his fork.

"What did you say?" Asher shouted.

The table went quiet.

"I was joking." The girl rolled her eyes.

"Then you're not funny." Asher replied.

"Asher—" I said

"Apologize." Asher said with an angry face

She didn't.

So he got up and walked away with me.

I didnt speak until we were outside.

"I didnt need you to do that-." I said

"Yes, you did." He replied

"No." I replied

He stopped walking.

"Ellie."

I looked at him.

"You don't have to defend me all the time-." I spoke

"I know." He spoke

"Then why do you?" I asked

"Because I want to-" He shrugged

It was such a simple answer-

I smiled.

He smiled back.

And then he handed me the chocolate bar he had been saving-.

"You need this." He said

I laughed.

"I'm already fat." I told him

His smile disappeared.

"Don't say that." He said

"But—"

"You are Ellie." He said

"What does that mean?" I frowned.

"It means you are Ellie." He said

As though that explained everything.

Maybe to him, it did.

As I got older, I became more aware of myself-

Or maybe I became more aware of how other people saw me-.

There were girls who were effortlessly beautiful.

Tiny waists, Perfect hair, Pretty dresses.

Boys noticed them.

I noticed them too.

Sometimes I wondered what it would be like to look like that-.

To walk into a room and never wonder if someone was looking at my stomach-.

To wear something fitted without immediately pulling the fabric away from my body.

To feel beautiful without needing someone else to tell me I was.

Asher always told me.

Sometimes too often.

"You look pretty just like that." He spoke

"I'm wearing a hoodie." I replied

"Still pretty." He said

"My hair is horrible." I added

"I like it." He said

"I look fat." I told him

His expression would immediately change.

"Don't." He said

"What?" I asked

"Don't talk about yourself like that."  He said

I would smile.

"Okay." I said

And then I'd forget about it.

Because Asher was always there.

He made everything feel smaller.

My insecurities.

My fears.

My doubts.

When I was with him I didnt feel like the girl who was too much

I finally felt good about myself․

By the time we were seventeen‚ everyone knew we were best friends

Everyone except us․

Somewhere between school dances and midnight phone calls‚ something had changed․

And I noticed the way he looked at me․

And he saw how I was looking away․

Neither of us said anything․

Until graduation week․

He took me to a little cafe in Covent Garden․

It was raining outside․

It always rained in London when something momentous happened to me․

We sat in a corner with two cups of hot chocolate between us․

Asher was unusually quiet․

We had sat in the little café in Covent Garden for nearly twenty minutes‚ and he had hardly touched his coffee․

I watched him for a while before I finally asked, “What’s wrong?-”

“Nothing.”

Asher had been staring at his coffee for at least 5- minutes.

I frowned. “You’ve been staring at that coffee forever.”

“I’m thinking.” He replied

“That’s dangerous.” I chuckled

He laughed under his breath.

Then he looked at me.

Not casually. Not the way he usually did when I was talking. He actually stared at me, without looking away.

Suddenly, I became anxiously aware of everything. My hair. My sweater. The way it sat around my waist. The fact that I had probably eaten too much at lunch.

I shifted in my chair.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You keep saying that.”

A small smile tugged at his mouth.

“I want to ask you something.” He said

“Okay.”

He took a breath.

“Will you go out with me?” He asked

I blinked.

“Where?” I asked

“No, Ellie.” He laughed.

“Oh.”

Heat rushed straight to my face.

He reached across the table and took my hand.

“I mean properly,” he said. “With me.”

“You mean... a date?” I stared at him.

“Yes.”

“But we are best friends.” I spoke in a low tone

“I know.” he said

“What if it ruins everything?” I asked

“It won't.”

“How do you know?” I asked again

He smiled at me.

“Because, I.. I love you.”

For a second, I forgot how to breathe-.

He said it so simply. There were, no nervous attempt to explain himself. Just four words, spoken as though they had been waiting there for years.

Maybe they had.

I stared at him for a few seconds before I managed a smile a bit.

“I.. I love you too,” I whispered.

His expression changed immediately. Something in his face softened.

“Really?”

I laughed nervously. “Really.”

He squeezed my hand.

And that was how it started.

---

Ever since then, we kept our relationship secret.

At first, I hated the idea.

Then, somehow, I convinced myself it was best for the situation.

A little world that belonged only to us. No opinions from other people. No questions. No family interference. Just Asher and me, tucked away from everyone else.

One evening, we were walking through Hyde Park when I finally asked the question that had been bothering me-.

“Why do we have to keep this a secret?-”

Asher didn't answer immediately.

He kept walking for another few steps before saying, “My family wouldn't understand.”

I looked at him. “Why wouldn't they?”

“My father has plans for me.”

“What kind of plans?”

He sighed.

“The usual. He wants me to get settled with managing the company and stuff”

I laughed softly. “Asher, your usual isn't exactly usual.”

That earned me a smile, but it disappeared almost as quickly as it came.

“He expects me to take over the company eventually,” he said.

“I know.”

“And there are certain expectations that come with that.”

I looked down at our hands. Our fingers were intertwined.

“What kind of expectations?”

He was quiet.

Then he said, “People like us.”

I looked up at him.

“You mean people like you.”

“No,” he said quickly. “People like us.”

I smiled, though there wasn't much humour in it.

“I'm not exactly what your family would choose.”

He stopped walking.

“That's not your problem.”

“It might become yours.”

He shook his head.

“I don't care what they think.”

I studied his face.

“But you do.”

He didn't answer.

He didn't have to.

I knew his family mattered to him-.

His father's approval mattered more than he liked to admit and I didnt want to become the reason Asher had to choose between them and me,.

So I smiled.

“Okay.”

He looked at me. “Okay?”

I nodded.

“Okay.”

The relief on his face was almost immediate-.

He squeezed my hand,.

“You are not upset?-”

“No,” I said. “I'm not.”

He pulled me closer.

“If keeping us secret means protecting what we have, then I'm okay with it.”

He kissed the top of my head.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

Asher told me he loved me.

At the time, I thought that was enough.

---

University was harder.

We went to different universities and suddenly the distance between us felt much bigger than it actually was..

There were missed calls. Cancelled plans. Messages answered hours later.

Sometimes there were long silences that neither of us knew how to fill-.

Sometimes I cried after hanging up-.

But I never blamed him.

Asher was busy. He had always been ambitious, and his father's expectations seemed to follow him everywhere.

I knew what he was carrying.

So when he couldn't visit, I told him it was okay.

One Friday evening, he called.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “I promised I would come this weekend.”

“It's okay.”

“I really wanted to see you.” he said

“I know.”

“Are you upset?” he asked me

“No. Of course not.” I replied

There was a pause.

“Ellie...”

“I'm serious,” I said. “You have a lot going on.”

He was quiet for a moment.

Then he said, “You're too understanding.”

I smiled, even though he couldn't see me.

“Someone has to be.”

When he forgot something important- I told him it was okay.

When he didn't call back- I told myself he'd probably fallen asleep.

When he became quieter- I told myself he was stressed.

I got very good at understanding Asher.

Maybe I got too good at it.

---

And then 

He surprised me during my final semester-.

I opened the door to my flat and found him standing there-.

For a second, I just stared-.

“Asher?”

“Hi.” He smiled.

“What are you doing here?” I asked

“I came to see you.” He replied

“You didn't tell me.”

“That's why it's called a surprise.” He chuckled

I didn't bother answering. I just threw my arms around him.

“I missed you.” I said

I hugged him tighter.

He laughed. “You're crushing me.”

“Good.” I laughed

He kissed my forehead.

“Come with me.” He said

“Where?” I asked 

“You'll see.” He said and continued walking

“Asher...”

“Trust me.” He said

I smiled.

“I always do.”

He took my hand.

He drove me to Hyde Park,.

We walked beneath the trees as the evening light slipped between the branches. I remember thinking how strange it was that everything looked so ordinary-.

People were walking their dogs- Couples sat on the grass- Someone was jogging past us with headphones on.,

Meanwhile, my entire life seemed to be sitting beside me- holding my hand.

Then Asher stopped.

I turned around.

“What?”

He didn't answer.

Instead, he reached into his pocket.

My stomach flipped.

“Asher...”

He got down on one knee.

For a moment, I genuinely couldn't understand what I was looking at.

Then I saw the ring.

“Asher,” I whispered.

He looked up at me.

“Ellie.” His voice shook slightly.

“I don't know what the future looks like.” continued

I laughed through the tears already gathering in my eyes.

“That's a terrible start to a proposal.”

He laughed too.

“I know.”

He took my hand.

“But I know I want you in it.”

My smile disappeared as my eyes filled.

“Every version of my future has you in it,” he continued. “So I don't care how difficult it gets. I don't care what my family thinks. I don't care what anyone else says.”

“Will you marry me?” He looked up at me.

I didn't even let him finish properly.

“Yes.” I answered with tears in my eyes

“That was fast.” He laughed.

“Ask me again.” I chuckled

His smile widened.

“Ellie Clarke, will you marry me?”

I nodded.

“Yes.”

He stood and slipped the ring onto my finger.

Then he kissed me.

For a few minutes, Hyde Park disappeared.

There was only him.

And me.

And the future I was certain we'd have.

And then 

We got married quietly. Just the two of us, we didn't tell our family about it

It was just a registry office.

Two strangers as witnesses.

No flowers. No family. No celebration.

Just us.

Afterward, we stood outside the registry office holding hands. I kept looking at the ring because I couldn't seem to stop myself.

“We're actually married,” I said.

“We are.”

I laughed.

“That's crazy.”

“You regret it already?” Asher teased.

I looked at him in horror.

“No!”

“I'm joking.” He laughed.

I hit his arm.

“Don't joke about that.”

“Sorry.”

He leaned closer and kissed my forehead.

“I'm not going anywhere.”

I looked at him.

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

I believed him.

Of course I did.

He was Asher.

He'd never given me a reason not to.

---

I moved into a tiny flat in Notting Hill, it wasnt perfect but I was happy.

The kitchen was barely big enough for one person to turn around in,. The bedroom had just enough space for the bed and a narrow wardrobe-and the view from the window was a brick wall so close I could have counted the cracks in it.

I loved it anyway.

Every little thing felt like ours.

One evening, Asher stood in the middle of the living room holding a cardboard box.

“Where does this go?” He asked

“Kitchen.”

“Which kitchen?”  He looked around the flat.

I laughed. “Very funny.”

“I'm serious.” He said

“You have to learn where things go.” 

He put the box down.

“I'm a husband, not a housekeeper.”

I rolled my eyes.

“You're useless.” I said

“You married me anyway.” He walked over and wrapped his arms around me from behind.

“I must have been confused.” I replied

He kissed my cheek.

“Too late now.”

I smiled against his chest.

I thought one day he'd come home to me.

Maybe not every night. Maybe not immediately.

But eventually.

That was the plan.

At least, that's what I believed.

________________________________________