Chapter 4

Ellie's POV

By the time I got home- it was almost midnight-.

I closed the door behind me-.

And then I broke.

I don't remember taking off my shoes-.

I don't remember putting my bag down-.

I just remember standing in the middle of the living room- still wearing the dress I had chosen so carefully this evening- and feeling like something inside me had finally given up-.

I covered my mouth with my hand to stop myself from making a sound but it didnt work- .

A sob escaped anyway.

Then another.

I sank onto the sofa and pulled my knees toward my chest-

I had spent the entire evening holding everything in-

The smiles.

The polite conversations.

The dinner.

Asher looking at me like I was someone from his childhood.

Asher saying he'd never thought about marrying me.

Asher announcing his engagement.

I pressed my palms against my eyes.

My mother.

I needed my mother.

My hand reached for my phone.

Margaret.

Her name was right there.

I could call her.

She was five hours away living in the countryside- far enough that I couldn't simply show up at her house in the middle of the night-.

What would I even say?

Mum, my husband just announced his engagement to another woman.

No.

I couldn't. She doesn't even know that I am even married

How would I explain the rest?

That we had been secretly married for years?

That I had never told her?

That the man she had always trusted had just told his parents he'd never considered marrying me?

And then there was the baby.

I touched my stomach.

How could I tell her that too?

I couldnt put all of that into one phone call.

It would change everything.

The thought of my mother's voice almost made me cry harder.

So I put the phone down.

Maybe tomorrow.

I'd call her tomorrow.

I had figure out what to say,.

I wiped my face with the back of my hand,.

Then the doorbell rang.

I froze.

Nobody came here this late.

I stood slowly.

The bell rang again.

My heart dropped.

I already knew.

I walked to the door and looked through the peephole.

Asher.

For a moment-, I simply stared at him,.

Then I opened the door,.

He stood there in the same suit he had worn to the party-.

His tie was loosened slightly-.

His expression was tired.

Not guilty.

Not heartbroken.

Just tired.

He looked at me.

"Can I come in?" Asher said

I stepped aside.

He walked in.

I closed the door behind him-.

For a few seconds, neither of us said anything.

Then I turned toward him-.

"Why did you do that?" I asked-

"Do what?" he replied while his face remained unreadable.

I stared at him.

"You know exactly what."

He sighed.

"Ellie—"

"You announced your engagement." I shouted

"I know." He replied calmly, as if this was normal

"In front of everyone." I continued

"I know." He spoke

"Your parents were sitting there." I said between my tears

He looked away.

"Then why?" I said as my voice broke.

He didn't answer immediately.

That silence hurt more than anything.

Finally, he looked at me.

"Because it was time." He said

"Time for what?" I asked

"For me to move forward." Asher answered

I felt something twist inside my chest.

"Move forward?" I asked

He nodded.

"Ellie, things have changed," he said

"Things have changed?" I asked with pure shock

I laughed.

"We're married, Asher," I said as my voice came out broken.

"I know," he said

"Then how can you stand on a stage and announce that you're going to marry someone else?" I asked

His jaw tightened.

"Because I can't keep living like this." He shouted

"Like what?" I asked

He looked at me-.

And then he said the words that would stay with me for years-.

"Like I am still the boy I was when I married you-," he said

I stared at him-.

"You're a good person Ellie-." He continued-

I almost smiled.

It was the kind of sentence people said before hurting you.

"But?" He stopped in between and his eyes moved over me.

Not lovingly.

Not the way they once had.

Assessing.

"I'm going to be CEO of one of the biggest fashion companies in the country. My life is going to be public. Every person I meet is going to matter."

"And?" I asked 

"And you don't fit into that life." he rpelied

The room went silent.

I felt my face go cold.

"What does that mean?" I asked

"You know what it means." He replied

"No." I shook my head.

"I want you to say it."

He exhaled.

"Your family isn't influential. You don't have the connections I need. You don't come from that world."

I stared at him.

He kept going.

"And, Ellie..."

He paused.

"You aren't exactly presentable enough to be introduced as the wife of a CEO. I don't want to be mean but have you even looked at yourself? You don't have dressing sense; you're not fit, either. See yourself, you are always eating"

I couldn't breathe.

For a second, I genuinely thought I'd heard him wrong.

"What?" I aske in pure shock

"You heard me." he spoke while his expression didn't change.

I looked down at myself.

At the dress I had chosen because it hid my stomach-.

Because it didnt cling to my body-.

Because I had spent two hours trying to make myself look like someone who belonged in his world-.

My voice came out barely above a whisper-.

"You used to tell me I was beautiful." I spoke and now I could feel the tears on my cheeks

"You said that you love you." I added

He looked away.

"I did." He replied

"So you don't now?" I asked  as my eyes filled with tears.

He didn't answer.

That was answer enough.

I stepped closer.

"Then why did you marry me?" I asked

His expression tightened.

"Because I loved you."he replied

"And?" I asked

"We were young."he replied

I stared at him.

"That's it?" I asked

"We were eighteen, Ellie." he spoke as if this situation is normal, like we weren't together and married for 2 years.

"We were twenty-two when we got married." I said

"We were still young." he said

"You proposed to me." I said

"I know." he replied

"You promised me." I said

"You told me you'd never leave me." I continued

He rubbed his forehead.

"People change." he replied

I shook my head.

"No. That's not an answer." I spoke

"It is." He spoke

"No, it isn't." I shouted as my voice grew louder.

"You don't get to erase years of my life by saying we were young." I said pointing my finger at his chest

"I'm not erasing anything." He replied

"You're acting like it never happened!" I said

"I remember what happened," he said

"Then how can you stand there and tell me it was a mistake?" I asked

His eyes finally met mine.

"Because it was." He confessed

I went completely still.

He looked almost uncomfortable saying it.

But he said it anyway.

"Our marriage was a mistake." He continued

I felt something inside me crack.

 "Was I a mistake?" I whispered,

His expression changed for the first time.

"Don't do this." he said

"Answer me."I replied

"Ellie—"

"Was I?" I cutted him

He looked down.

"I don't think we should have married." He replied

Tears slipped down my face. 

"I was your best friend."

"I was the person you said you loved."

"You came to me."

"You chose me." I reminded him of everything

He was silent.

"And now I am not good enough because you are a CEO-?" I replied as I wiped my cheeks angrily-.

"It's not that simple." he said

"It is exactly that simple." I said

I laughed bitterly.

"You got what you wanted." I said

He frowned.

"What?"

"The company. The title. The money. The people. The perfect woman." I reminded him

"Olivia has nothing to do with this." he shouted

"She's standing beside you." I replied

"Because she's suitable for my life." he replied

I stared at him.

There it was.

The word.

Suitable.

I nodded slowly.

"So that's what I wasn't." I said

He didn't answer.

I looked toward the window because I couldn't look at him anymore.

After a few seconds, I heard something being placed on the table.

I turned.

There was an envelope.

Asher pushed it toward me.

"What is that?" I asked

"Divorce papers," he replied

I stared at him.

"No." I said

His voice was quiet.

"Ellie."

"No." I sobbed horribly now

"You came here with divorce papers?" I asked

"I think we should end this quietly." he said

I looked at the envelope.

Then at him.

"You want me to sign this and pretend none of it happened?" I said

"I want us to move on." he replied

"Us?" I asked

He swallowed.

"There doesn't have to be a war." he said

I laughed through my tears.

"A war?" 

He didn't answer.

I pushed the envelope back toward him.

"I can't sign this," I said

"Think about it." He replied

"I don't need to think." I said

He looked at me..

"I said I can't sign it."

He stood there for another moment.

Then he picked up his coat.

At the door, he stopped.

"Ellie."

I didn't look at him.

"Don't make this difficult for me, please sign the papers."

My eyes closed.

Once, those words would have meant everything.

Tonight-, they meant nothing,.

The door closed behind him-.

And I stood there alone-.

I stared at the divorce papers-.

Then my eyes fell on my handbag.

The tiny white socks were still inside.

I took them out.

They sat in the palm of my hand.

So small.

So innocent.

And suddenly-, everything he had said came rushing back-.

Your family isnt influential-.

You arent presentable enough-.

Our marriage was a mistake-.

I placed my hand over my stomach.

The baby.

Our baby.

My breath caught.

I hadn't told him.

And I suddenly knew I couldn't.

Not tonight.

Maybe not tomorrow.

Because if I told him now I didnt know whether he would stay-

And I couldnt let my child grow up wondering whether their father had stayed out of love or duty-

I knew what it felt like to grow up without a father-.

My father had died when I was four-.

I remembered very little about him-.

A photograph.

His voice in an old recording-.

The smell of his shirts when my mother kept them for years-.

I remembered other children talking about their fathers-.

I remembered wondering what it would have been like to have mine there-.

At school.

At birthdays.

At important moments.

I had spent my childhood carrying that absence quietly.

I couldn't choose that life for my baby.

My fingers closed around the tiny socks-.

"No-," I whispered-.

A tear fell onto them-.

"I wont let you grow up without a father-."

I looked toward the door Asher had walked through-

He didn't know-

He did not know that he had left his wife sitting alone in the living room․

What he didn't know was that he was asking the mother of his child to renounce their marriage․

And he definitely didnt know that for the first time I wasn't thinking about how to save us

I was thinking about how to protect my baby․

Even if that meant protecting my child from him