Chapter 40

Baylen stood between them both. “It’s not going down like that in my house guys. You both need to cool down,” Baylen said, pointing to opposite sides of the room.

Jeff walked over by the front door and Keegan went into the kitchen. I followed Jeff. He seemed really irritated with me.

“Brees, I like you much more than I should. I know this is supposed to be casual, but man if I haven’t fallen in love with you over the last four months,” he said, shyly hiding his face from my view.

I turned him around towards me and hugged him.

“Jeff, I can’t give you all of myself right now and I don’t want to break your heart,” I said, cupping his face with one hand.

He pressed his hand gently over mine. He grimaced a bit as if he knew exactly what I was going to say.

“I did this. I messed up and now I have to deal with that Brees. If you can ever truly forgive me and let me into your heart, let me know,” he said, gently kissing my lips.

I tried to kiss him back, but he pulled away. He grabbed his jacket and walked out of the front door. I felt a slight bit of sadness. I had also grown really fond of Jeff. But my love for Keegan always took over. Especially after what we shared. I went back into the living room and noticed Gage had everyone’s attention with a card trick.

I decided to go and find Keegan. I walked into the kitchen. He was sitting at the island on one of the bar stools, rolling an orange back and forth that he had grabbed from the fruit basket. He looked up when I entered the room.

“Hey,” I said, cautiously as I approached him. “Are you alright?”

He glanced at me and then looked away quickly.

“I’m fine. Go back to the party,” he said, not even looking back at me.

“You don’t seem fine. You seem upset. You don’t have to pretend that everything is okay. It’s all fucked right now and I know it’s both of our faults,” I acknowledged.

He turned towards me. His eyes looked so angry, so hurt. I thought about everything that had just happened in the last week and it made my chest hurt. I could feel my knees getting weak. I tried to brace myself on the island so that I wouldn’t fall. Keegan jumped up and grabbed me by my elbows.

“Brees, are you alright? Sit down for a second,” he suggested, walking me over to the dining room table.

My heart was racing and I knew this feeling all too well. I was having another panic attack. I focused on my breathing like Allison had shown me. It seemed to be helping. I could see the pink flow back into my fingernails with each deep breath. Keegan rubbed my back gently while I inhaled.

“Thank you,” I said. “I’ve been having those a lot lately.”

“Of course, Brees. I’m always gonna be here for you. It doesn’t matter what we are going through. I will drop everything for you,” he said, giving me a gentle hug.

I was thankful he was there with me during my attack. He really made me feel better. At that moment I forgot to be upset with him and he had forgotten to be upset with me. I forgot that he had broken my heart and that he slept at Isadora’s house while he stroked my back.