Chapter 69

The morning came in brutally. I rolled over begrudgingly and stopped my alarm.

My head was hurting and my mind was racing.

I had stayed up all night thinking about Keegan. His game was televised last night and I mindlessly watched.

Seeing him actually enter the game in the 4th quarter was breathtaking. Keegan was a freshman so he didn’t get a lot of playing time.

But on this day he did.

I held my breath every time he was near the ball. Recalling the time from Homecoming when he had been knocked on conscious.

My heart went back to that time. When he had seen me in my dress. The way his eyes had went over my body and face. Soaking in every inch.

The way he gulped when I came closer.

That made me smile.

No Brees. Stop it. You aren’t his anymore.

Today, I was going to the petting zoo with my softball team. They were doing team bonding. There were mazes, games, food and more at the petting zoo. She thought about the fun she would have with Harper and Quinn. She also thought about her.

Jagger.

Would it be awkward? Would she sit with me on the bus ride there?

I pulled up to the school and saw people already boarding the bus. I grabbed my bag and headed over. As I got on the bus I could see everyone was already sitting in seats and there wasn’t much left to choose from.

Then I saw her.

Her beautiful blond ponytail tied high up on top of her head. She had a cute bow tied around the base.

As I walked towards her, her eyes came up to meet mine.

She smiled.

Can I sit here. I said it with my eyes. The words never left my mouth. She moved her bag and motioned for me to sit with her.

I settled against the seat, adjusting my backpack between my feet. Our thighs brushed, and I immediately became aware of how little space there was between us.

It was ridiculous.

I had sat beside Jagger a hundred times before. We had shared food, clothes, secrets, and conversations that lasted until two in the morning. She knew things about me that I wasn't sure I had ever said out loud to anyone else.

But lately, something had shifted.

I noticed the way her eyes crinkled when she laughed. The way she tucked her hair behind her ear when she was nervous. The way she looked at me sometimes, like she wanted to say something but couldn't quite bring herself to do it.

And the worst part?

I was starting to look at her the same way.

“So,” she said, stretching her legs out in front of her. “You ready to pet some goats?”

I turned toward her. “I've actually been training for this my entire life.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely. I'm basically an animal whisperer.”

She snorted. “You screamed when a butterfly landed on you last summer.”

“That butterfly was aggressive.”

“It was sitting on your shoulder.”

“It had intentions.”

Jagger burst out laughing, and I couldn't help laughing with her.

There it was again.

That feeling.

The one that made everything seem easier when I was around her. The one that had been missing lately, buried beneath everything I had been trying to sort out in my own head.

When her laughter faded, she looked at me with a little smile.

“I missed this.”

My heart gave a small, painful squeeze.

“Missed what?”

She shrugged, suddenly interested in the zipper on her backpack.

“Us being like this.”

I swallowed.

“Yeah,” I said softly. “Me too.”

For a moment, neither of us spoke.

The bus filled around us as the rest of the softball team found their seats. Someone a few rows ahead was playing music from their phone, and a burst of laughter rose from the back.

But in our little corner of the bus, everything felt strangely quiet.

Jagger nudged my knee with hers.

“You okay?”

I looked at her. “Yeah. Why?”

“You got quiet.”

“Maybe I'm enjoying the peace.”

She scoffed. “You? Enjoying peace? You once talked for forty-five minutes straight about why a girl on our team shouldn't be allowed to choose the warm-up playlist.”

“Because she has terrible taste.”

“You made a presentation.”

“It was a compelling argument.”

She shook her head, smiling. Then she reached over and gently tugged the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

“There's my girl.”

My girl.

She said it so casually.

Like it was nothing.

But the words settled somewhere deep inside me, and suddenly, I couldn't remember what we had been talking about.

Jagger seemed to notice the change in my expression.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

She tilted her head. “Brees.”

“What?”

“You're doing that thing.”

“What thing?”

“The thing where you pretend you're not thinking about something when you're very obviously thinking about something.”

I looked out the window.

“Maybe I'm just thinking about goats.”

“Right. The goats.”

“Exactly.”

She laughed softly, then leaned closer to me.

“You know you can talk to me, right?”

I turned back.

Her expression had changed. The teasing was still there, but underneath it was something more careful.

Something that made me want to tell her everything.

“I know,” I whispered.

“Okay.”

She didn't push.

That was the thing about Jagger. She could be loud, sarcastic, and impossibly annoying, but when it mattered, she knew when to give me space.

And sometimes, that made me want to close the distance between us even more.

About ten minutes into the drive, the bus hit a bump hard enough to send my water bottle rolling beneath the seat.

“Oh my gosh!”

I grabbed the armrest, laughing in surprise.

Jagger caught my forearm before I could slide toward her.

“Whoa. You good?”

“I'm fine.”

“You almost took me out.”

“You'll survive.”

“Debatable.”

She was still holding my arm.

I looked down at her hand.

She noticed a second later, but instead of letting go, her fingers relaxed against my skin.

“You have something on your cheek,” she said.

I blinked. “What?”

She lifted her free hand and brushed her thumb across my cheekbone.

My entire body went still.

It was such a small gesture. Something she might have done a hundred times before without either of us thinking twice.

But this time, she didn't immediately pull away.

Her thumb lingered for just a second.

Then her eyes met mine.

“There,” she whispered.

I forgot how to breathe normally.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah.”

Neither of us moved.

Jagger's hand was still resting on my arm, and her face was close enough that I could see the tiny flecks of color in her eyes.

I wondered if she was thinking what I was thinking.

I wondered if she could feel the tension between us, the way it seemed to stretch across the seat and settle in every inch of space we weren't quite touching.

Then someone from the back yelled, “BREEES! JAGGER! Are you two alive up there?”

I jerked away so quickly that Jagger burst out laughing.

“Unfortunately!” she called back.

“Save some energy for the petting zoo!”

I covered my face with both hands.

“I hate everyone.”

Jagger was laughing so hard that she had to lean forward.

“You should've seen your face.”

“I am never speaking to you again.”

“That's unfortunate. We still have twenty minutes together.”

I peeked at her through my fingers.

She was smiling at me, but there was something different about it now.

Something softer.

Something that made me wonder if she'd felt it, too.

I dropped my hands.

“Don't.”

“Don't what?”

“Look at me like that.”

Her smile faded just a little.

“Like what?”

I opened my mouth.

Then closed it.

Because how was I supposed to explain that she was looking at me like I was someone she wanted to kiss?

And how was I supposed to admit that I was beginning to want the same thing?

“Never mind,” I muttered.

Jagger watched me for another moment before settling back against the seat. She still faced me.

“Okay, Brees.”

But she didn't look away immediately.

Neither did I.

“What if things hadn’t…” she started to speak but stopped herself.

She looked out of the window.

“What? You can’t start to say something and then stop Jag.”

She touched my cheek lightly.

She inhaled and blew out a long breath.

“What if things were different? What if you hadn’t chose Keegan?”

Her eyes shifted. They became gentler. Her pupils darkened.

My hand went to hers.

“But I did.”

Those words seemed to hit her like a dagger. She almost winced at the sound of it.

“But what if you had chosen me? What if I was your happy ending? Where would we be?”

“I can think of a few different possibilities,” I said flirtatiously.

Her cheeks begin to redden with the blood rushing from her heart.

Her hand slipped to my lips. Her thumb dragging slowly down my bottom lip. She brought her face close to mine. I could feel the heat of her breath on my skin.

“I dream about that often Brees.”

“About what?”

But I already knew.

My heart began to race and my palms were sweaty.

Her eyes darted to my lips.

“If I kept coming closer, would you stop me?”

She rubbed her thumb over my lips. It reminded me of Keegan.

As she got closer, she tipped my chin up to meet her mouth and she went in.

Her lips barely brushed against mine as I pulled away.

Thinking about Keegan and how he used to ask permission before kissing me by rubbing his thumb on my lips, completely ruined the mood.

“I’m sorry Jag. I can’t. I’m not ready for that. I’m not ready for this.”

She sat back against the seat and stared out of the window. I knew I had hurt her. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to kiss her. Oh I did so much. It was that when I was with her, I was still thinking about him and the way he used to make me feel when he kissed me.

Keegan Patts had a hold on my heart and I couldn’t shake him.