Chapter 54

Casey dropped her blush brush and stared at me with wide eyes. Her mouth hung open for a moment before she finally let out an audible gasp.

“Oh my God! I am so sorry I missed this news. This is so special. I have been so busy with my family that I didn’t even check on you,” she said, palming her face.

I laughed softly, shaking my head.

“No, Case, please don’t feel bad. I’m okay.”

She narrowed her eyes at me like she was trying to decide whether she believed me.

I knew Casey better than almost anyone, and I knew that look. She could tell when I was lying. She could tell when I was pretending everything was fine. And, unfortunately for me, she could probably see right through me right now.

“It really was okay,” I assured her. “It was so sweet and gentle and intimate. I felt so loved.”

Saying those words out loud made my heart ache.

Because that was exactly what made everything so complicated.

If it had been meaningless, maybe I could have convinced myself to move on. If Keegan had treated me like I was just another person from his past, maybe I could have accepted that we were finished.

But he hadn’t.

For one night, everything had felt like it used to.

Like we belonged together.

“I know his heart is really mine,” I continued quietly. “He just isn’t sure how to give it to me. Please trust me with this.”

Casey sighed and leaned back in her chair.

“I do, James. I really do.”

I smiled faintly at the nickname.

“But I just don’t want you to keep getting hurt by this asshole,” she added.

“Casey.”

“What?” She shrugged innocently. “I’m just saying.”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

She picked her blush brush back up and started tapping it against her makeup bag.

“But I digress,” she said dramatically. “I will keep my opinions to myself and help you get your guy in any way that I can.”

A grin slowly spread across my face.

“You’re really going to help me?”

“Obviously.” She rolled her eyes. “That’s what I’m here for.”

I shook my head, laughing.

She suddenly pointed the brush at me.

“But just so we’re clear…”

I raised an eyebrow.

“You got laid for your birthday?”

My eyes widened.

“Oh my gosh, Case!”

She burst into laughter.

“I can’t beat Keegan’s gift, just so we are clear,” she teased.

I covered my face with both hands, laughing so hard my cheeks hurt.

“The makeup bag you got me was more than enough,” I giggled.

“Clearly not.”

“Casey!”

We both dissolved into laughter again.

For a few minutes, everything felt normal. It was easy to forget the mess surrounding us when I was talking to Casey. She had a way of making even the most complicated situations feel lighter.

Eventually, our laughter faded into comfortable silence.

She studied me through the screen.

“You really love him, don’t you?”

The question caught me off guard.

I looked down at my hands.

“Yes.”

There was no hesitation.

Not anymore.

I loved Keegan.

That was the problem.

I could pretend I was confused. I could tell myself that I needed time to figure everything out. I could date someone else and convince myself that eventually my feelings would change.

But none of that changed the truth.

My heart still belonged to him.

Casey gave me a small, understanding smile.

“Then just be careful with it.”

I nodded.

“I will.”

“And if he breaks your heart again?”

I looked back at her.

“You’ll be the first person I call?”

“No.” She shook her head. “I’ll already be on my way.”

I laughed.

“That sounds about right.”

We talked for another few minutes before eventually hanging up. When the screen went dark, I sat there staring at my reflection in the phone.

My smile slowly disappeared.

Tomorrow was the game.

I was supposed to go with my dad, Allison, and Jagger.

Just thinking about Jagger made the guilt creep back in.

I had spent so much time telling myself that I was doing the right thing. That I was trying to figure out my feelings. That nothing had to be decided immediately.

But how long could I keep doing that?

How long could I keep pretending I wasn’t torn between the person I was supposed to love and the person I had never stopped loving?

I glanced toward the dresses hanging in my closet.

Tomorrow’s party was supposed to be fun.

I wanted the perfect dress. I wanted my hair to look perfect. I wanted everything to feel special.

Especially because, in the back of my mind, I was still holding onto the hope that Keegan and I might finally find our way back to each other.

I walked over to my closet and began flipping through the hangers.

Too casual.

Too dressy.

Too much.

I finally pulled out a dress and held it against myself in the mirror.

It was perfect.

Or at least, I hoped it would be.

I wanted everything to be perfect when Keegan and I reunited.

The thought made my stomach flutter.

Then reality came rushing back.

Jagger.

I sat down on the edge of my bed.

Tomorrow was supposed to be about spending time with my dad, Allison, and Jagger. It was supposed to be simple.

I had briefly considered canceling.

Maybe I should.

Maybe I needed space to figure out what I really wanted before seeing Jagger again.

But then another thought entered my mind.

It wouldn’t hurt to spend time with him, would it?

Nothing had to happen.

I didn’t have to make any decisions tomorrow.

I could simply go to the game, enjoy myself, and let everything settle.

At least, that’s what I told myself.

I took a deep breath and looked at the dress again.

Tomorrow, I would go.

I would spend time with them.

And I would try not to think about Keegan.

That last part was probably the biggest lie I’d told myself all night.