Ch. 5: Home

Ingrid Alessia's point of view

The day had come.

The supposed-to-be grand wedding na dati kong inisip na may orchestra, petals sa aisle, at hundreds of guests watching with awe, had turned into something unrecognizable.

Ni hindi ko manlang ma-invite 'yung mga kaibigan ko from other country. Wala rin 'yung mga favorite kong flowers. Pati 'yung vows hindi napaghandaan. Walang mga taong umiiyak sa tuwa o nagtatawanan sa speeches. Just a sterile courtroom, a bored judge, and the sound of papers shuffling like it was just another Tuesday. At higit sa lahat hindi ako masaya sa sarili kong kasal.

I wore white, not a gown, but a plain tailored dress na pinili ng stylist para sa media. Gusto ko sana sa wedding ko ay 'yung kaibigan ko ang gagawa ng gown. Wala talagang kadrama drama sa buhay. Just enough elegance to look acceptable on camera, but simple enough para hindi halata kung gaano kabigat ‘yung bigat sa dibdib ko.

Leonhardt arrived exactly on time. Ni hindi manlang siya sumulyap sa akin. Nakasuot siya ng charcoal gray suit, manang-mana talaga sa ama na  parang business meeting lang ang pinuntahan. He just walked in and signed his name, sat back down like he was signing off a new company merger. Because that’s what this was, diba? A transaction.

Pagkatapos kong pirmahan ang kontrata, I looked at our names beside each other. I just signed my name into a cage. The judge declared it official. Wala manlang halik. Napairap ako sa sarili ko. Hindi naman sa gusto ko, dzuh.

Paglabas namin ng korte, sinalubong kami ng ilang press. Not a huge crowd, just enough for headlines the next morning. Enough for the world to see na ang anak ng Moretti at ang anak ng isang struggling family ay ikinasal na, perfect publicity. I blinked through the lights, feeling exposed. Flash left and right. At may tanong pa ang press na wala namang sagot. Paano ko naman 'to sasagutin? Hanggang dito ba naman sa kasal, hindi pa pinapalampas?

“How do you feel, Ingrid?”

“Is it love or strategy?”

“Is this a power move from both families?”

Leonhardt offered his arm. Just like a gentleman would. Pero hindi ko ito tinanggap. I held my clutch tighter and walked forward, I kept my face neutral, expressionless, yeah. Hindi ko alam kung galit ako, malungkot, o simpleng manhid na lang. Naglakad nalang kami sa gitna ng ingay, pero ang tanging naririnig ko lang ay ang tibok ng puso ko. Ang bigat nito at parang tinataga bawat segundo.

Nang makapasok kami sa kotse, bigla ring bumigat ang hangin. Lagi naman ata kapag si Leonhardt na 'yung kasama ko. The door shut with a soft thud, sealing us inside with nothing but silence.

For a few seconds, neither of us spoke.

Then he broke it.

“So,” he began. “Congratulations, Mrs. Moretti. I hope you enjoy your blood money.” The vein in his temple pulsed, jaw clenched so tight it looked like he might shatter his own teeth. 

Sinamaan ko naman siya ng tingin. “Excuse me?”

“Come on,” His nostrils flared, looking straight ahead. “Nakuha mo na kung ano ang gusto mo. Your family survives. You get the mansion, the name, the headlines. Isn’t that the dream?”

“'Wag kang magkunwari like you’re the victim here,” I snapped. “You agreed to this, too.”

“I agreed,” he nodded, still not looking at me, “because I was cornered. I didn’t marry you because I wanted to. I married you because it was better than crawling back to my past.”

“Wow,” I breathed. “So I’m the lesser evil?” Finally napatingin na rin siya sa akin. Ito na naman 'yung tingin na para akong sasaksakin sa mga titig niya. “No. You’re the convenient one. Alam mo, ikaw ‘yung babae na kahit kailan, hindi nanghihingi ng pagmamahal. Just security.”

Napatitig ako sa mukha niya ang I was stunned. “You don’t know a damn thing about me.”

“I know enough,” iritadong saad niya. “You didn’t even say no. Ni hindi mo manlang ipinaglaban 'to. You were ready to sign your name the second the offer hit the table.”

Napayukom nalang ako ng kamao. Isa nalang talaga masusuntok ko na ang lalaking 'to. “I signed because I had no choice.”

“Same,” mariing sambit niya. “So let’s stop pretending either of us is noble.”

The silence that followed wasn’t quiet. It screamed between us. Inirapan ko nalang siya at ibinaling ang tingin sa bintana. Nagsimula ng umambon, banayad lang sa una, tapos biglang lumakas. What a perfect timing for this dramatic life.

He leaned back against the leather seat. “You’ll have everything you need, Ingrid. But don’t expect anything more from me.”

“Good,” I mumbled coldly. “Because the last thing I want is anything from you.”

A bitter smile tugged at his lips. “Perfect match, then.”

Pagdating namin sa condo, bumuhos na ang mas malakas na ulan. The car stopped in front of a private high-rise in the city. Polished and intimidating just like him. Nauna nang bumaba si Leonhardt, umikot, at binuksan ang pinto sa side ko. His expression still unreadable.

He held out an umbrella.

“Talaga ba?” I muttered, glaring at him. “Trying to play the gentleman now?”

“This isn’t for you,” he replied coolly. “It’s to keep the contract from dissolving in water.”

I froze. And damn it, para akong pinagsasaksak. And rght there, the truth slaps me sharp and merciless. Hindi niya talaga ako kayang protektahan. Hindi talaga niya ako mahal. Gosh, parang gusto kong batukan 'yung sarili ko, sino ba naman ako para mahalin ng ganitong kadali? I’m just paper to him. A signature and a deal sealed with ink. Ayt?

Bigla namang sumikip 'yung dibdib ko, but I refused to let it show. I stared at the umbrella, then walked past him without taking it. Letting the rain pour down on me, cold drops soaking my back, my arms, and my scalp. Hindi manlang siya gumalaw para habulin ako. He just stood there, holding the umbrella like it didn’t matter whether I drowned or disappeared.

We reached the entrance drenched. Wala ni isang ngiti kahit pagbati manlang. Wala ring mainit na pagtanggap. Walang reaksyon ang security, isang tango lang kay Leonhardt, na para bang isa lang ‘to sa pangkaraniwan niyang lakad. Business world really svcks. Halos stampahan ko na ng paa sa sobrang inis ko.

A private elevator took us straight to the top floor. Pagdating namin sa hallway, everything was glass, steel, and silence. The condo was massive, cold as the iceberg, glossy, and of course expensive. Pwedi ko na siyang gawing sugar daddy. Haisttt, wala manlang kahit anong palatandaan na may tao sa loob. Walang larawan na naka display. Walang kakulay-kulay. Just emptiness. Ganito ba talaga ang taong 'to? Parang daig pa siya ng robot sa pagkacreative.

“This is home,” he muttered.

Home. What a lie. He led me down the hallway and stopped in front of a door on the left.

“This is your room,” he pointed.

Napakunot noo ako. “What?”

He opened the door without further explanation.

Pumasok naman ako ng dahan-dahan. The room was beautiful, a queen-sized bed, full-length windows with a view of the city, and warm lighting. Pero kahit gano’n, para pa rin itong kulungan, ang tahimik. Parang may yelo na ngang yumakap sa akin.

“You’ll sleep here,” he declared. “We sleep in separate rooms. That’s the arrangement.”

Ni hindi na niya hinintay ang sagot ko, itinuro na lang niya ang kabila ng hallway. “My room’s there. If you need anything, call the staff. Not me.”

He turned to walk away.

“Leonhardt,” I called my voice almost a whisper. “Wala bang kahit konting respeto rito?”

Tumigil naman siya, pero hindi na siya lumingon. “I gave you a home, a name, and protection. Don’t ask for the respect you never earned. Akala ko ba, okay na tayo kanina?”

Umiling-iling naman siya at tuluyan nang naglaho sa paningin ko. And his footsteps faded into the silence.

I stood in the center of the room, dripping wet, and completely alone. Isinuot ko ang robe na nakasabit sa loob ng closet, ang lambot niya. Parang ngayon ko lang na-realize na baka hindi na 'to nababagay para sa akin. Probably, this is worth more than a semester of my degree. I sat at the edge of the bed, strands of wet hair sticking to my cheeks.

Then I remembered everything he said. You’re the convenient one. Don’t expect anything more from me.

Ang sakit. Hindi dahil gusto ko siya. Pero kahit hindi ko siya gusto, wala akong karapatang masaktan.

And still, I was. Humiga ako sa malamig at hindi pamilyar na kama, nakatitig lang sa kisame. But the silence only made my skin itch, this time parang hindi dahil sa lamig, kundi dahil sa bigat ng araw. I sat up with a sigh and glanced around the room again, eyes scanning every corner.

That’s when I saw it. My luggage. Nandoon na pala. Someone must’ve brought it up while we were arguing, or maybe habang nakatulala ako sa ulan.

I dragged it closer to the bed and unzipped it, the sound echoing in the stillness. Inside is a familiar bottle, rolled-up clothes, and the faint scent of lavender from the sachet my mom insisted on hiding inside. Naghalungkat ako kung saan-saan hanggang sa makita ko ang skincare kit ko, at buti na lang, buo pa rin ito.

My fingers paused over the serums, creams, and the routine that once made me feel human. Gamit na gamit na. It was the only ritual I had left, something that reminded me I still existed.

So I stood in front of the mirror, basa pa ang buhok ko, e, at maingat ko nalang na inilagay ang skincare sa mukha ko, like nothing was falling apart. Na parang ako pa rin 'to, kahit ang totoo nagbago na ang lahat sa paligid ko.