I run out of the class. The halls are empty. I can feel myself breaking down. I can't handle being late again.
"Fuck." I curse. My tears threaten to escape my eyes. Hot tears boil in the corner of my eyes. I have biology next. It's not the thought of missing out and being punished by the teachers that is scaring me. It's my parents.
"Control yourself. You will be fine." The voice says.
'No he won't. Xavier you are hopeless. Just drop out of school.'
"I need to calm down." I say. I decide to skip biology. I need to take a breather. I walk outside. It's so isolated.
"If he finds out. He's going to kill you." The voice says.
"I know. But let's not think of that now. I can't think...I miss my brothers and my sister."
"Yeah. We all miss them."
"Why couldn't he die instead of them!?" I yell. I start to cry, feeling the school surroundings bleed away.
"I have no one to talk to. Instead I talk to my own fucking self." I punch the wall behind me. The hard wall crushes my delicate bones.
"Ow. Shit." That wasn't a good idea. I look at my hand and see it's pretty messed up. Not that messed up, but blood was coming out, so to an extent, it was messed up.
"Hey, you can go to the sick bay, and then you have a legitimate reason for being late." The voice suggested.
"Oh yeah. Thanks." Maybe it was a good idea after all. Although my hand really hurts, I think I broke it. I go to the office and ask for medical help.
"Oh darling. Follow me through here." The receptionist guided me through to the school nurse.
The nurse's face dropped immediately when she noticed my hand.
"Here let me take care of that." The nurse gently took my hand and washed it. I loved the attention. She actually cared for me. Her gentle touch. The way her soft skin cradled my bruised and bloodied fingers. She didn't leave either, she stayed and cared.
30 minutes passed, she stayed there with me, making sure I was okay. Everyone in my life leaves. My siblings, my father, well he is physically there, but he doesn't want me to be his son so he left me.
The bell for first break rung.
"Oh you better eat. Make sure not to use that hand too much, and for the second session you won't be put down as absent." She smiled.
"It's okay, honey." I left the area and went to my locker to grab my food. I put in my locker code.
I am always paranoid the people around me are staring, trying to memorise my code to break into my locker later. I opened the locker door, a yellow piece of paper caught my attention. I didn't remember putting it there. I look around to see if it was a joke, but no one was looking.
I grab the paper and read it. In bright green ink the letters ILTT were written on the paper. I felt nervous. What if it was some joke? An abbreviation of an insult? I threw it in the bin which was next to my locker. How funny?
I grab my snack. Just a pack of chips. I close my locker and try to find somewhere secluded to eat and rest. All the teens were gathering, they were in their own little groups. The groups all are interested in one thing, that is what brings them together, like a clique almost. I wish to be a part of a clique one day, even if it is with just one other person. But I guess being alone is more suited for me.
"You know, you will never find your own clique if you don't put yourself out there." The voice said.
"I know. It's just so hard though, when I introduce myself. Even if I don't tell them, they can tell who I really am. No one wants to be seen with me." I look at the energy of everyone else and suddenly notice my lethargic feelings.
"I need to take a quick nap.I'm pretty sure no one can see me." I say.
"They can't." The voice reassured me.
I lay my head on the grass, I had 15 minutes of sleep, an alarm set 10 minutes earlier so I would have enough time to get my books and find my class. So I actually had five minutes of sleep, but sleep is always good, no matter how little or much you get. I let my consciousness slip away.
'Ding Ding Ding.'
My eyes peel open. I have to blink a few times to adjust to the bright lights of being outside. Everyone else was still socialising. I go to my locker.
I opened the door.
"Huh?" I furrow my eyebrows. Another yellow piece of paper found it's way in my locker. This must be a joke. How can someone bust into my locker for a second time? I grabbed it and threw it straight in the bin, my hands slightly shaking in fear, but the ink stood out this time. It was red. I decided to take a look. It read, stay.
Stay?What was that supposed to mean?The colour of the writing really made me curious. It was very red. Almost like blood.No. No. It can't be blood. I thought to myself. The bell rang, which brought me out of my thoughts. I kept this paper. I thought about the other one.Are they clues?But why would someone give me clues? No one really knows me here.I decide to fetch the other note out of the bin."What the fuck? What are you doing you hobo?" A booming voice comes from behind me. I look up and see it's the same guy from earlier, but this time, he had a gang.I couldn't speak. His mere presence would make me feel like a thread was being sewn between my lips, painfully closing them."Well?" He stood there awaiting my response."Don't you have a class to go to?" I asked.
I arrived home and knocked on the door."Hello Xavier." My mother answered the door."Hi." I say as I walked in."Well, how was school? Did you settle in?" She asked.I grab a chip packet and sit down at the table.'Well I was intimidated by this guy named Shawn and then I kind of fell for this really cute boy with the most unique hair and engaging eyes, but I didn't make any friends, that was my day.'But instead I said."It was fine.""Oh okay, that's good. Your father said he will be coming home a bit late."Silence filled the house. It was awkward at first, but I tried to zone out to ignore the awkwardness."I'm going to do homework now." I say, getting up and putting the chip packet in the bin."Okay, bye sweetheart."I climb the
I immediately regret everything I just said. Waves of heat flush through me and fill up every space in my body."You feel like you are being judged?" My father put down his briefcase and stepped closer to the table.I felt overwhelmed. Like walls closing in on my tiny and immobilised body. I was trapped and just wanted to escape."Please don't do this, come on." My mother said."No!" he snaps his head to my mother, his eyes burning into hers. He slyly turns his head towards me.“He needs to know what is right and wrong.” Quietly, the words escaped from his mouth and pierced into my heart.What is right and wrong? What doesn't he understand? I'm fine the way I am. Aren't I?"Now, tell me what you were saying to your mother!" With each word he slammed his hand down on the table, causing me to flinch.Should I tell him?
'Beep, Beep, Beep'I wake up. I can't wait to go to school today, only because of the blue-haired boy. He's been on my mind since last night. He even haunted my dreams. His skin I crave, his soul too."Xavier! Let's go!" I heard my mother yell from downstairs.I feel a bit awkward around my family because of last's night bout. Like there is a screen hanging above my head showing my father screaming at me to everyone who sees.I was confused at her tone of voice. Why was she telling me to hurry up? I just got up."I have to go to work Xavier!"Work? She never has been to work since she had children. I stumble out of bed puzzled. Maybe if I get to school early, I might see the boy. I skip my shower and quickly get clothes on."Oh no." I wince as the sleeve of my shirt brushes on top of the cut. The pain reminds my lapse I had last night. A permanent reminder
"Who's he?" I asked, I blink as my eyes dart from my desk to the door in a nervous matter.I then scanned her face, she seemed scared almost. Who can scare a person this much? She was about to speak, but she looked at the door and quickly walked way.I looked at the entrance.The hair.It was him.He was in my psychology class.Oh fuck. How am I supposed to concentrate now?He walked towards me.Why was he coming towards me?Everyone looked scared. Some avoided him completely whilst others jumped from him to their desks, and others were just caught, like a deer in headlights.Was it him that sits here? Is that why he heading my way?Oh crap. I quickly got my things, ignoring the tremendous pain travelling up my arm. I pushed myself of the seat about to move to another table.
Crap. Please go away Cole. I don't want you to see it. I don't want you to see me in my damaged form. I want you to see me as perfect and normal. "Do you want me to fix it?" He asks, looking very worried. It made me feel selfish. Like I was wasting his time. He has friends, he doesn't want to spend time with me."Just go away. It's fine." I say a little too curt, causing him to raise suspicion. "I don't think it is." He spits. My breath hitched. I noticed hurt and anger laced in his tone."Cole, just go! Please." I can feel my eyes start to burn and an uncomfortable lump in my throat forms. I need to get away from him. Sorry Cole.I grab my books and quickly run away, out of the classroom, ignoring my name being called by him. I run straight to the bathroom and put the same chair up against the door. Run, run, run. That is all I am good for. "Why did you run away?" The voice asked."I don't know." I replied knowing full well, that I ran because I was scared. Scared of him seeing me
Cole's P.O.V."This is Xavier." I say, turning around expectecting him to be there, but he isn't. Where did Xavier go?"Oh, he was here a second ago." My voice drifts away before Sarah interupts."Shh babe." I feel Sarah's finger on my lips. "It's okay. Now there is a party tonight at my place, everyone will be there, do you want to come?" She asks, blinking seductively. I usually become putty in her hand when she bats her eyes like that, but for some reason, it wasn't doing anything for me, not this time. This worried me, I'll have to admit."Please Cole..." She pleaded, while tracing shapes on my collar bone. This didn't work either, it used to, everytime, what is happening to me?
Cole's P.O.V.I know I'm late for my next class, but that doesn't bother me anymore. I'm usually late, so I'm sure the teachers don't mind. I go to my locker and get my things. A feel a heavy hand on my shoulder. I look and see Shawn and the gang."Hey Shawn." I say. He didn't look to pleased though."Where's the knife?" He asked bluntly."What knife?" I reply looking at the others for some kind of support."Oh come on Cole, I trusted you. Travis said he gave you the knife."I stood there confused, but irritated. I cast my glance at Travis to hear his input. But he didn't say anything. I could feel my temper risi