I run out of the class. The halls are empty. I can feel myself breaking down. I can't handle being late again.
"Fuck." I curse. My tears threaten to escape my eyes. Hot tears boil in the corner of my eyes. I have biology next. It's not the thought of missing out and being punished by the teachers that is scaring me. It's my parents.
"Control yourself. You will be fine." The voice says.
'No he won't. Xavier you are hopeless. Just drop out of school.'
"I need to calm down." I say. I decide to skip biology. I need to take a breather. I walk outside. It's so isolated.
"If he finds out. He's going to kill you." The voice says.
"I know. But let's not think of that now. I can't think...I miss my brothers and my sister."
"Yeah. We all miss them."
"Why couldn't he die instead of them!?" I yell. I start to cry, feeling the school surroundings bleed away.
"I have no one to talk to. Instead I talk to my own fucking self." I punch the wall behind me. The hard wall crushes my delicate bones.
"Ow. Shit." That wasn't a good idea. I look at my hand and see it's pretty messed up. Not that messed up, but blood was coming out, so to an extent, it was messed up.
"Hey, you can go to the sick bay, and then you have a legitimate reason for being late." The voice suggested.
"Oh yeah. Thanks." Maybe it was a good idea after all. Although my hand really hurts, I think I broke it. I go to the office and ask for medical help.
"Oh darling. Follow me through here." The receptionist guided me through to the school nurse.
The nurse's face dropped immediately when she noticed my hand.
"Here let me take care of that." The nurse gently took my hand and washed it. I loved the attention. She actually cared for me. Her gentle touch. The way her soft skin cradled my bruised and bloodied fingers. She didn't leave either, she stayed and cared.
30 minutes passed, she stayed there with me, making sure I was okay. Everyone in my life leaves. My siblings, my father, well he is physically there, but he doesn't want me to be his son so he left me.
The bell for first break rung.
"Oh you better eat. Make sure not to use that hand too much, and for the second session you won't be put down as absent." She smiled.
"Thank you."
"It's okay, honey." I left the area and went to my locker to grab my food. I put in my locker code.
6
2
21
I am always paranoid the people around me are staring, trying to memorise my code to break into my locker later. I opened the locker door, a yellow piece of paper caught my attention. I didn't remember putting it there. I look around to see if it was a joke, but no one was looking.
I grab the paper and read it. In bright green ink the letters ILTT were written on the paper. I felt nervous. What if it was some joke? An abbreviation of an insult? I threw it in the bin which was next to my locker. How funny?
I grab my snack. Just a pack of chips. I close my locker and try to find somewhere secluded to eat and rest. All the teens were gathering, they were in their own little groups. The groups all are interested in one thing, that is what brings them together, like a clique almost. I wish to be a part of a clique one day, even if it is with just one other person. But I guess being alone is more suited for me.
"You know, you will never find your own clique if you don't put yourself out there." The voice said.
"I know. It's just so hard though, when I introduce myself. Even if I don't tell them, they can tell who I really am. No one wants to be seen with me." I look at the energy of everyone else and suddenly notice my lethargic feelings.
"I need to take a quick nap.I'm pretty sure no one can see me." I say.
"They can't." The voice reassured me.
I lay my head on the grass, I had 15 minutes of sleep, an alarm set 10 minutes earlier so I would have enough time to get my books and find my class. So I actually had five minutes of sleep, but sleep is always good, no matter how little or much you get. I let my consciousness slip away.
'Ding Ding Ding.'
My eyes peel open. I have to blink a few times to adjust to the bright lights of being outside. Everyone else was still socialising. I go to my locker.
6
2
21
I opened the door.
"Huh?" I furrow my eyebrows. Another yellow piece of paper found it's way in my locker. This must be a joke. How can someone bust into my locker for a second time? I grabbed it and threw it straight in the bin, my hands slightly shaking in fear, but the ink stood out this time. It was red. I decided to take a look. It read, stay.
The professional tone of the young adult's psychiartrist echoes. Her hooded eyes scan the room. The bedroom. What was supposed to be a sanctuary was just a reminder. A reminder that she was still alive and would wake up in the same place every, single, day.Change was needed. But change was too scary, too hard, too risky. The young adult saunters cautiously around the room. Cautiously being the keyword. You are too careful. You are just existing.But things were worse and could, at any moment without her knowing become worse again. So maybe being careful was her only choice.Her eyes caught on an object, an old friend. Her doctor's voice repeating, 'bring something to me next session, something that helped you get better'. She was far from better, but was a little further from worse.Her fingers tightened around the object, and her scars tingled. The ghostly pain she inflicted on herself months ago taunted her but she
Cole P.O.V. I walked home from the hospital that night. Hal offered me a ride, but he has already done too much. An uncomfortable moisture hung about in the air. The streets were empty but they felt crowded. Like he was there, he was everywhere. The grass reminded me of him. The grey clouds screamed his name. Yet he wasn't here. I finally reach the front door of my house. My mum opens the door. I stare at her jolly face, for a moment I feel like yelling at her. Ignorant. How could she be happy right now? But I bite my tongue, she doesn't know Cole. I give her a brief grin, lips tight in a line before heading up to my room. The house feels empty. Yet the couch, I swear I could smell him and see the dint in the cushion his body left. I stop halfway up the stairs and turn to see the kitchen. Clean. Whatever happened to yesterday? Did yesterday even happen? I lower my eyes and head off to my room and close the door behind me. "Xavier?" I call out. Yes?"I'm sorry." I respond. I hea
Xavier's P.O.V.All the memories from last night are rushing through my mind. The intense hurt, love and peace that coursed through me was unmatchable. I could feel myself laying on a comfy bed. Cole's. He took me back inside. Hopefully we can patch things up. The sun seemed to be shining straight down on me, through the curtains, it was so bright. The birds, they were chirping.But I as I listened closer, something about the bird's chirps were weird, they were so... perfectly spread out from each other. So automated. I listen closely. It doesn't sound like birds anymore, more like a monitor or a system, a familiar sound. A haunting sound.I open my eyes. The sun is right above my eyes, blinding me so. I open my eyes again, squinting to make out the light source above me.Wait... that isn't a sun... it's a light, attached to a ceiling. I look t
Xavier's P.O.V.We freeze. I just hang where I am. Time stops and his warm touch turns cold and feels invasive. Blinking, I step away, my nose burns as well as my eyes. My eyes trained on a distant spot in front of me.My arms were stretched out in front of me, I felt like a stone statue, or rather, the statues in Pompeii. Burnt and frozen.Cole's posture thaws and I see his slight movement. I lift my wide eyes towards his hooded ones. His mouth contorted in regret and guilt. For the first time, I see the ugliness of him. Even through my blurry and shaky vision, his features seem sharp and painted with a cruel brush. Like my whole body realised, my skin feels hot but cold. Shrouded in this greyness of betrayal and hurt, like no other."I'm sorry." He mouths. His voice is too distant for me to hear. Muffled. Like I was under water. Everything was slow, stilll and quiet. But the excruciating pain was deafening and all I co
Cole's P.O.V.I wake up feeling excited, butterflies swirl in my stomach. I creep out of bed carefuly, trying not to pulll the blankets off Xavier's sleeping body.I walk into the bathroom and freshen up, it's been two weeks coming. Today, is going to be Xavier's day. His condition is deteriorating. Each day that he wakes up, his jaw becomes more defined and his face hollow. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and stare at this deathly person before me. His skin is getting as white as the moon that shines in our bedroom at night and illuminates his ghostly face.On the outside, he wasn't the Xavier I knew and it hurt me that I could find him resistable. It really hurt.Sometimes I my eyes will open and my heart would leap into my mouth.Is he dead? I keep on asking myself at night when I wak
Cole's P.O.V.I tear my mind away from these dangerous thoughts and took in my surrondings."A music store..." I exhale in wonderment. Xavier and music huh? Why did I never know this? It hurt a little and only made those dangerous thoughts stronger. "Come." Hal smiled and walked into the store.Instruments were hung and some were laid on the floor. I saw a drum set and was instantly taken back to my childhood. I stopped and just admired them. Hal noticed and stood next to me, he had a lopsided smile playing on his face."Are you a drummer?" He asks, hands in his pockets. I raise my eyebrows. "I thought I was going to be." I admit. I look back up at Hal, my heart pounds a little faster. He turns his head to the drums. "Not too late." With that he continues strolling down the aisle leaving me feeling a whirlpool of emotions I've never felt before. It scared me.I didn't know if I was just phsyically attracted
Cole's P.O.V.I watch Xavier enter the building. His little body in this huge, grey towering building. My heart breaks and beats for him.All of a sudden, my mind screams at me, no, it begs me. I need to show him how much he means, before it's too late. Wait, it won't ever be too late, he'll be cured and we can live out our lives together. Get out of this God forsaken town and go somewhere fascinating. Italy, France, anywhere. We can grow our own fruits and vegetables, pick strawberries by day and seductively eat them at night by the romantic moonlight.Yes, that is what will happen. I know it. I need to show him now though. I pull my mind out of this fantasy and remember it's the last day of school.I shake my head.One day is all I need, to create a memory that will last a lifetime.I decide to ditch school. My stoma
Xavier's P.O.V.I get out of the shower, dry myself and head back into the bedroom to see Cole sitting on the bed in a black tank-top and black skinny jeans. His toned arms and legs on show. I blush at the sight."You can go have a shower now." I tell him, avoiding his gaze whilst folding the dirty towel and placing it in the corner so I could put in the wash later."Nah it's all good. I'll have one when we get back." He says chucking his phone to the side of him and falling back onto the bed, his arms behind his head."So are you having a treatment today?" He casually asks. His tone kind of irritates me, but I wasn't sure whether I was annoyed at him or at my illness. I decide to throw the idea away."Uh, yeah I guess." I reply, laying across Cole's body in the opposite direction, so the back of me was rest
Xavier's P.O.V."Boys!""Boys!""Cole?"I open my eyes, they feel so heavy. I blink a couple of times to get used to the light."Xavier? Cole?" Cole's mother's voice echoes from the stairs as I hear her heading towards Cole's room. I look around, my mind is as sharp as it should be when I just wake up. I see Cole next to me, sleeping peacefully. His body in a sort of star fish position. He has no shirt on. I look at myself, I also don't have a shirt. I lift up the blankets and see we both have no pants on either."Shit." I mutter through a stifled laugh."Guys, I'm coming in," I hear Cole's mum call from outside. Panic sets in, she can't see us like this. I quickly push Cole off the bed, making it look like we hadn't sleep together. I then pull the blankets up to c