THREE

Frazier’s POV

SHOCK RIPPED THROUGH ME as I stared at the girl a few feet away from me. It was her. It was Autumn. The color leached from her face and for a second, I was tempted to let go of Natalie’s hand, take a step forward, and pull Autumn into a hug. It’d been so long, so damn long and regardless of how many times I’d tried removing her from my mind, I always failed miserably.

She turned and I had to watch her talking to him. I had no clue why but when I saw Autumn laughing with Tyler, touching his arm, as they both stood there looking like the world’s best couple, something inside me snapped. I couldn’t keep my gaze off of them. It was almost as if they were glued to them, to their every move. Especially to her face, her smile, the glint in her dark brown eyes.

Coming here was clearly a mistake. It was better to stay away. At least I could dance around the idea that she was missing me every now and then. But it had been too damn long.

Five years, ten months, and twenty-two days since the last time we were in the same room although I could hardly call it a room, more like a small confined space in the back of the ambulance. She had been frantic, tears strolling down her beautiful face, and I’d been so afraid of dying yet at the same time glad that she was there for me in the last moment of my life. Images were plastered beneath my eyes and I tried hard to shake them all off.

My shoulders were too tense, my muscles taut and my neck hurt. I took a deep breath and looked back down at Natalie. She had this odd expression on her face that I couldn’t interpret. “What?”

“Great. You didn’t listen to a word I said.” Natalie took a deep breath, seemingly trying to calm herself. “It’s her, isn’t it?” she finally asked after a moment or two.

“Pardon?”

“That girl. The brunette. She’s the reason why we’ve never had sex.”

“Is this your way of telling me that you wish copulation to be added to our menu?” I joked.

She seemed to ignore me altogether as she continued to talk as if I hadn’t said a word. “She’s the reason I only got a fucking forehead kiss even after two years of dating. Gosh, I’m such an idiot.” Natalie let out a deep sigh, lifting her hand to touch the side of her temple as if it would cure her sudden headache. “I thought it’s because you’re of royal blood that you’re trying to court me or something. I should’ve known that you’ve never moved on from your ex.”

“She’s not my ex,” I answered curtly, dropping my eyes to the surface of champagne I was holding in my right hand.

“Yet she’s the reason you’re always hurting. Tell me, why are you still pinning on her?”

How could I not? She was the reason I continued fighting the deadly disease, she was the reason I wanted to live.

At my silence, Natalie narrowed her gaze and pressed harder. “Why? We’ve dated for two freaking years. You owe me at least some sort of explanation. Make me understand, Shawn!”

I ran my free hand through my hair and took a deep breath through my nose and let it out. This was exhausting. I shouldn’t have brought Natalie here. That was a bad move. Yet at the same time, I couldn’t come here alone risking looking pathetic while she had Tyler in her arms looking blissfully happy.

I stared back at her and knew she wouldn’t drop her question anytime soon so I finally answered, “Yes.”

“What?”

“I said, yes. I just agreed to all your theories.”

“You still haven’t answered my question.” When I said nothing, she asked one more time, “Why are you still pinning on her? She seems to have someone else in her life, that cute boy next to her.”

That last sentence was completely unnecessary but we both knew she only used that to hurt me because she was hurting. That was what people usually did. They’d try to hurt others when they were hurt.

“I can guarantee you that they’ve fucked at least three times a day!”

“Stop,” I grunted, barely managing the anger boiling inside of me. I finished my champagne hoping it would help me relax.

“What?” Natalie shrugged one shoulder. “You can’t take the fact that they fuck as much as you take your meal?”

“Stop. Talking.”

Of course, she didn’t listen. When would she ever listen?

“Then tell me why are you still pinning on her when she clearly has someone else?”

I could see her eyes getting all squinty like she was about to get worked up. I didn’t want to fight so I placed the empty glass on the tray carried by one of the waiters. I turned to her, putting my hands on her shoulders as I looked deep into her eyes. “I’m not pinning on anyone.”

“Good.” She put her arms around my neck and rose to the ball of her feet. It happened so far. One minute we were arguing and the next minute she kissed me like I was her last meal. From one corner of my eyes, I could see Autumn had no longer talking to Tyler and was looking right at us. Nearly everyone was looking at our bold public display of affection and I let them as I closed my eyes and numbed my surrounding.

°°°°°°°

“That was quite a show you put out there,” said Mateusz ‘Matt’ Wasilewski. We were sitting at the bar while the bartender prepared our order. “I never knew you’re into younger girls.”

I gave him a look. “I’ve never dated someone older.”

“True.” Matt grinned, showing off his perfectly aligned white teeth. “But you’ve never dated someone that young either. How old is she? Fifteen? Sixteen?”

“Nineteen,” I grumbled. Not that it would make much difference. 

“Man, that six years gap is going to bite you in the ass.” Matt shook his head then turned and gave the bartender a nod as he placed our drinks on the table. “Are you okay, by the way?”

I took a drink before I asked, “Yeah, why?”

“I don’t know, man, cancer is a pretty big deal.”

“I told you not to mention that to anyone.”

“Well, it’s just you and me now. Everyone else’s busy chatting, they won’t hear us. It’s not like I’m broadcasting it or anything.” Matt frowned, taking a sip of his cognac. “Are you okay with me and Margaux being together?” He asked warily.

My head turned and my eyes lingered on my ‘on-and-off’ ex-girlfriend Margaux Durand standing next to her best friend Freja Karlsson. Both of their eyes were full of excitement as they chatted, ignoring the buzz around them. “Yeah. You know Margaux and I are history. And moreover.” I dragged my gaze back to Matt and offered him a smile, “You’re my mate. I want you to be happy.”

Matt’s grin returned to his face and the wariness wiped off. “Thanks, man.”

We sat there, drinking in silence as we watched everyone else was having a good time catching up. Then I felt him nudging my arm. “Do you still love her?”

I frowned. “Who? Natalie? We’ve dated for two years but I don't know. I’m still figuring out.”

Matt had his brows lowered, looking every bit surprised by my answer. Eventually, he replied, “No. I mean that girl you left Margaux for. Autumn Summers? I think that’s her name. Do you still love her?”

This wasn’t the first time someone asked me that and I had to wonder whether I carried a placate on my forehead that told everyone how I felt about Autumn. “Why do you say that?”

Matt took a long drink and then lowered his glass. “Because for the last thirty minutes you’ve been acting like you gave a good look at everyone here, your eyes moving here and there but every now and then, your gaze fell upon her and you stopped. Maybe for a minute or two before you wandered again.”

“Bullshit,” I scoffed.

Matt tipped his head back and laughed.

°°°°°°°

I watched Autumn pull out her phone from her small purse and answer a call. Her eyes suddenly widened in fear and I could see the blood draining from her face. She struggled to put her phone back into her purse, missing the open gap a few times before Tyler helped her. After saying something to him very abruptly by the way I looked at them from across the room then she turned on her heels and took off.

What did the hell happen?

I only managed to take two steps before Natalie caught my arm. Her eyes were deadly despite the sweet smile planted on her oval face. “Where are you going?”

“The loo.”

“You’re not going after that girl, right?”

If she thought her being jealous was somehow cute, she was mistaken. I took her hand off my arm and dropped it. “I’m going to take a piss.”

And I wasn’t lying. I did go to the bathroom. When I was about to leave, Tyler came in. He gave me a stormy look before letting out an exasperated sigh. He stepped away but I was immobile. “Why are you still here?”

Tyler lifted one brow. “What?”

“I said,” I took a deep breath, taking a hold of my emotion, “Why are you still here? Why didn’t you go with Autumn?”

“Because she told me to stay.” Tyler shrugged and moved further into the bathroom.

“And you listened to her? Even when she looked like she was about to pass out any moment now because of whatever news she just heard?”

Tyler put his arms on his waist and tried to look me down but failed as I was a good two inches taller than him. “Why do you care? Seriously, I’m about to take a piss so why don’t you mind your own business and piss off?”

I stood my ground even though I was wondering myself why I cared. “I will if you tell me what’s wrong with her.”

“Se—” Tyler cleared his throat, “her baby is having a fever. She’s going home.”

“Her baby?” I lifted my brow curiously. “So it’s not yours?”

Tyler was silent for several moments I didn’t think he was going to answer. He actually surprised me when he did. “No.”

That was news. If it wasn’t Tyler’s then whose baby was it? I frowned hard that my forehead physically hurt. “Then whose baby is it if it’s not yours?”

He shrugged, shoving his hands into the pocket of his pants. “Some lame fucker who banged her and left her. It’s not somebody important.”

“So the guy made Autumn pregnant and left her?” I asked again just to be sure. 

“Pretty much.” Tyler shrugged again. “Now will you fuck off? I need to take a leak.”

I nodded absentmindedly and turned to leave. My mind was in chaos. I didn’t know what to think. I had always thought that it was Tyler’s baby. I assumed it was his because of that damn photograph of them having a picnic. Now that Tyler said the baby wasn’t his but some lame fucker who had left Autumn, a little pinch squeezed the corner of my heart. All I could imagine was her having to go through pregnancy and everything all by herself. She must’ve been scared. I tried to convince myself that perhaps she wasn’t alone, maybe Tyler was there for her yet my heart still hurt.

“Fuck!” I cursed out loud as I walked back towards the venue.

I should’ve been there for her. As soon as I’d completed my chemotherapy, I should’ve gone to her. No. I should’ve contacted her as soon as the plane landed in London nearly six years ago. I should’ve been honest with her. I should have ― the list went endless and I had no one to blame but myself and my own idiocy.

I needed a time-out. Before I walked into the room again, I turned around and headed outside. Hopefully, a breath of chill night air would help me clear my mind.

°°°°°°°

I had only stepped outside when I saw her trying to get a hold of a taxi. Her hair was drifted back by the wind, her hand stretched out. It was a busy night on a Sunday and no taxi in New York was apparently available for her. After several times failing to get a ride, she put her hands on her face, her shoulders shaking.

“Autumn?”

The shaking stopped, and her whole body froze. Then slowly she turned around. Her hands dropped to her side as her eyes widened.

I nudged my chin towards the busy street. “Do you need a ride?”

“I―I don’t―” she nodded agitatedly, swallowing a few times. She took a deep breath and finally gave me a solid answer. “Yes. Please.”

“Come on.”