CHAPTER 5

Now what should I do?

I continued walking toward the storage room behind the refectory, trying my best to ignore the sound of Cameron’s footsteps following behind me. My grip on the box had already disappeared since he took it from me, but the irritation remained. I could still hear my own voice from earlier, the sharp words that slipped out of my mouth without thinking.

“Edi ayan! Sayo na! I*****k mo sa baga mo!”

Napapikit ako sandali habang naglalakad. That was so rude. I rarely spoke like that to anyone, especially here inside the church grounds. Pero kasalanan din naman niya. Bigla nalang siyang lumapit at nang-agaw. Marami pa naman ang nandoon sa parlour.

The storage room door creaked softly when I pushed it open. The room was quiet and slightly dim, lit only by the small window near the ceiling. Wooden shelves filled the walls, stacked with canned goods, rice sacks, and boxes of supplies for the feeding program. It smelled faintly of cardboard and stored food.

I stepped inside and placed the items from the box onto the table, one by one.

Before I could say anything else, Cameron set the box he was carrying beside the table.

“Need help?” he asked again.

I didn’t even look at him.

“Kaya ko na.”

“You said that earlier.”

“And I still mean it.”

I heard a quiet chuckle behind me.

That sound alone made my irritation grow.

I finally turned to face him. Cameron was standing near the door, one hand resting casually on the table. He looked completely relaxed, like he had no problem being here with me.

Which only made me feel more uneasy.

“You can leave now,” I said.

“Ganun ba?”

“Yes.”

He looked around the storage room slowly, as if inspecting the place.

“So this is where you ran off to.”

“I didn’t run.”

“You walked very fast for someone who wasn’t running.”

Pinaningkitan ko siya ng mata. Aba!

“Bakit ba nandito ka pa?”

Instead of answering immediately, he leaned lightly against the table and crossed his arms.

“Just helping.”

“With the box?” I said sarcastically.

His lips twisted and answered.

“With the box.”

I stared at him, naghintay sa kasunod niyang sasabihin.

But he didn’t.

The silence between us felt strange. My chest felt tight again. Sana may pumasok sa pinto o tawagin ako ni Sister Esther para makaalis dito.

I turned away and started placing the canned goods on the shelves. My hands moved quickly, but my mind was restless. Wala ba talaga siyang balak umalis? The more he's here, the more I become nervous and the more that night will come over again!

Finally, I decided to say what had been stuck in my head since the moment I saw him.

“That night,” I said quietly. Kinakabahan pero hindi ko pinahalata.

Wala akong narinig sa kanya galing likod.

“It was a mistake.”

The words felt heavy coming out of my mouth. Pero pinilit ko parin ang mag salita ng normal.

“I was drunk. I wasn’t thinking clearly. Hindi ko dapat ginawa yun.”

I paused for a moment, forcing myself to continue.

“So let’s just forget it.”

Still no response. Kumunot ang noo ko. Umalis na?

I turned around slowly. Cameron was now looking directly at me, his expression unreadable.

“Forget it?” he finally said.

Lumunok ako at sumagod. "Yes.”

He crossed his hands on his chest and let out a small laugh.

“Interesting.” I heard him murmur.

My eyebrows pulled together. Ano daw?

“What’s interesting?”

“You.” Walang pag aalinlangan niyang sagot.

Ako? Hindi ko tuloy mahanap ang tamang salita na ibabato sa kanya.

“You’re trying very hard to convince yourself.”

“I’m not convincing myself,” I said quickly. “I’m telling the truth.”

He pushed himself off the table, hands went down and took a step closer.

My heart reacted immediately.

“If it really meant nothing,” he said slowly, “then why are you so nervous around me?”

“I’m not nervous.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Before I could step back, hinila niya ako sa aking baywang at idinikit sa shelves.

The contact made my breath stop for a second. Nanlaki ang mata ko, naramdaman ko ang biglang pag nginig ng aking katawan.

“Then why are you shaking?” he asked quietly.

Hindi ako kumibo. My hands started trembling.

Mahina ko siyang tinulak upang mabigyan kami ng kaunting espasyo.

“Get off me.”

The firmness in my voice surprised even me.

Cameron lifted both hands slightly, as if surrendering.

“Relax.”

I glared at him.

"How did you I am here?" maingat kong tanong sa kanya.

Nag taas siya ng kilay at umatras kaunti.

"I don't know? It's just a coincidence —"

"A coincidence to interrupt me from praying?" I cut him off.

He shrugged.

"Why not? I just saw you. And how will I forget the woman who screams my name in the middle—"

"Cameron!"

Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata. He grinned. Magsasalita pa sana ako nang dahan-dahan ulit siyang lumapit sa akin kaya umatras ako at dumikit ulit sa shelves.

"Let's make an agreement," he suggested.

"I don't want our path cross again. Magpanggap nalang tayo na walang nangyari."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Wala kang—"

Nalunok ko ang sariling laway nang maramdaman ang pag haplos niya sa aking balikat pataas sa aking leeg.

"I want an agreement," he remarked.

I can't even say a word!

His other hand slid down my white polo shirt. Napahawak ako sa gilid ng shelve when I feel my body shaking. He noticed my reaction kaya hinawakan niya ako sa baywang.

"I want every bit of you."

Alya, you're studying to become an honorable nun. Please, please wag ito. Pull yourself together—

Ang kamay niyang nasa aking tiyan ay bumaba sa aking skirt and insert inside. I was about to push him when he suddenly kissed me torridly.

Hinaplos niya ang aking pang ibaba dahilan upang umungol ako.

"Forget huh?" he teased when he felt the wetness between my thighs.

The words I held after that night was being eaten by my own feeling. Akala ko ba tama na? Akala ko ba kakalimutan? Akala ko ba huli na?

Why am I even here? Letting him touch me again?