AN ACT OF PROBATION

LOLA

My body stiffened to the thought of Connor's secretary walking in on us earlier today.

"No way," I exclaimed loudly, shaking my head, trying to keep my mind in the reality that it didn't happen.

It was evening, and Beverly Hills was unusually quiet, the lights that brightened the city from tall poles shining gloomily over the habitats.

It was like the city knew my story, and was promising not to tell. Like they were watching to see what would become of me eventually.

It was too early to go to bed, but I wanted to clock out for the day as quickly as I could.

For over twenty minutes, I tried to get my body to sleep, but a particular discomfort kept stirring me awake.

Finally, I jumped from my bed. Grabbing my bottle of water from the bedside table, I gulped down the contents until I could barely breathe.

I still felt very uncomfortable even after that, and that was when I decided to go down stairs.

Slowly, one step at a time, my mind heavy with a feeling I couldn't control, I descended the stairs.

Dinner did not even cross my mind for a second while I went through the evening trauma until I was downstairs.

My eyes shifted to the table — already set, Eddy sitting right there, on the chair at the fore-edge position, where my father-in-law would always sit during the week of the family event.

My gaze lingered on him while I tried to decipher the reason for the strange behavior.

I couldn't tell if Eddy was actually waiting for me because he wanted to do so out of duty, or if I had a big bang coming my way and he was just patiently waiting for execution.

My hand moved, my eyes glancing impatiently at my left wrist — it was not there.

I scampered around searching for a clock or anything that could tell me the time.

I needed to know how late I was for dinner, so I could know how to come in with  my defence, if at all I am allowed to say anything.

"Stop standing around. Take a seat if you want to eat," Eddy spoke, and for the first time since the last two years, he said something that could mean he was watching out for me.

My body stiffened to how strange the words sounded coming from him, but my legs moved regardless, in obedience, like I was under obligation with Eddy.

"I'm sorry, " I stuttered as I pulled out the next chair on his right and settled into it.

"Sorry for?" he asked, his tone sounding even stranger. It was almost like someone else was wearing a mask of him, sitting and talking to me.

I swallowed.

"I'm sorry for keeping you waiting. I lost track of time, and...," I contemplated adding that last part, but I said it regardless, because it was too heavy for me to allow sit in my chest like that, plus I was still lost on Eddy's sudden attitude change.

"...I didn't know you would wait for me."

My stomach tightened with anxiety, and my heart pounded through my chest as I waited for his reply.

Clearing his throat in a manner that suggested that he wasn't too comfortable with having that conversation, he leaned more over the table and picked up his cutleries.

Clearing my throat, a form of subtle withdrawal, I found my cutleries too.

I had already dug into the food when I realized — my plate was filled to the brim, and the menu was different from the light veggies and white bread I was always served.

My mouth gaped open, my fingers suspended over the food as I continued to stare at the plate.

"I think I got the wrong plate," I managed after a minute of instant shock.

"Hmmm!" 

"No. Dinner was for just me and you today," Eddy replied amidst chewing, shooting me a quick glance before withdrawing his focus to his food in front of him.

My hands trembled against the fine stainless of the cutlery as I tried to not overthink it, but the harder I tried, the more the lines got tangled up in my head, my brain interpreting it as a risk I shouldn't dare to take.

My stomach rumbled from the stress of my own thoughts, and until the next minute, I just stared at the wild-caught salmon resting on porcelain plates beside truffle mashed potatoes and charred asparagus, while a bowl of arugula, avocado and heirloom tomatoes sat at the center of the table.

I couldn't bring myself to get comfortable enough to do what Eddy once vehemently forbade because he was in a good evening mood — I feared my actions could catch up with me later.

"Excuse me," Eddy said, speaking softly but causing me to jerk suddenly because of what might follow.

I allowed the cutlery fall off my grip as I watched him stroll up the stairs with the elegance of a man who had another's world wrapped around his pinky.

Exhaling heavily, I sank my head into my palms, pressing hard over the pain that was beginning to burn over my skull.

I was still trying to figure it all out when I heard footsteps descending the stairs.

I looked up, and there he was, Eddy, with a brown sealed envelope in hand and an expression I couldn't quite read.

My heart hammered brutally against my chest, my thoughts forcing me to think of a way out of a problem I was even yet to identify.

"Eddy?" I called, not knowing what else to say as he assumed his seat beside me.

"Here," he replied, handing me the envelope like it was something I had asked for.

Without hesitation, I tore it open with the impatience of a woman who couldn't wait to know her fate.

An entrance certificate to the biggest cake school in Los Angeles.

I couldn't believe my eyes. I even peeled at the edge of the document to see if there was some other paper attached.

Nothing else. It was just it.

My hands trembled against the paper. "Is this for me?" I couldn't stop myself from asking even after seeing my full name "LOLA C. LANGFORD" crested across the line as the beneficiary and trainee.

"I mean...," I meant to say again when I finally figured out how asking that came out as stupid and deserving of an inconsiderate backlash from Eddy.

"Of course, it is for you."

It was the kindest tone Eddy had ever spoken to me with, and I could swear I saw a smile cross his lips.

"I didn't expect this," I stuttered, my brain slowly decluttering to accept the reality that played out in front of me.

"I didn't expect it myself," Eddy replied, clearing his throat loudly afterwards.

My breathing hitched, and I looked up at him.

"I hope you're able to handle the consequences of your indecisiveness," he continued.

My head did a really quick spin, and my lips trembled from the questions that had begun to cloud my thoughts.

"Enjoy," Eddy spoke again, a firm grin crossing his face, tightening the knots in my stomach even harder.