SLOW BURN

Main Port, Oregon. Three years ago.

“Jacob? Can you hear me? I need you to answer me.”

I blinked several times trying to focus my eyes on the woman above me, but it was hard to do.

“Jacob, I need you to nod if you understand me, can you nod, please?”

I tried to do as the woman asked, but my head refused to obey.

“How about you blink? Blink twice if you understand me, Jacob.”

That I could do.

I blinked twice or at least once before my eyes closed completely.

“This isn’t working. Jim? Call Dr. Ruso, we have to move him to the OR immediately, he's going to bleed to death otherwise.”

OR? What the hell was going on?

I opened my eyes again using what little strength I had left in me and noticed that the woman was no longer looking at me. Her attention was on something on the other side of me.

I tried to raise my hand to get her attention, but my body didn’t respond. I couldn’t feel my limbs.

What was happening to me?

“His heart rate is going wild, Nat. We need to move him or we'll lose him.”

Oh God.

I was dying, but… why was I dying? What had happened to me to be taken to the OR?

A thick fog had taken over my mind and it wouldn't let me remember anything.

“Okay, what do we have?”

“It's the patient pulled from the river, Dr. Ruso. He has a fracture in the left lower extremity and is in shock.”

“Okay, we have to stop the bleeding, let's move.”

Everything around me started to spin when they placed a mask on my face.

And I soon stopped feeling cold.

I stopped feeling anything.

If that's what dying felt like, it wasn't bad at all.

***

“Son.”

I opened my eyes to meet my father's blueish gaze.

“Thank God, Jacob.”

“I'm fine, Dad.” I murmured, my voice sounding different from the lack of use. “You didn't have to leave Portland to come see me.”

“My only son almost died, and you thought I wasn’t coming to see you?” Dad choked out, product of the emotions.

But it didn't matter to me.

I’d lost too much in the last week to care.

“Where is Laura?” He asked, seeing that I didn't say more.

I can't believe you were so selfish to not think of me by acting this way, Jacob. I can't be with someone like that.

I doubted it was about my selfishness that my now ex-girlfriend broke up with me four days ago.

I knew it was more of her being furious because her boyfriend would be in bed indefinitely and it would disrupt her stupid big city lifestyle.

God knew I had never been selfish with that woman, though I couldn't say the same about her.

“I'm sure she's picking up her stuff from my house right now,” I answered indifferent.

Something good had come out of all this. Laura no longer had a reason to live in my apartment in Portland while I worked in Main Port.

I knew since the beginning that this relationship didn’t have a future, but I thought it was perfect since I wouldn’t have to deal with her every day of my life. Reason why I didn’t buy the ring she hinted for several months that she wanted, though I let her use my home in the city.

We never said we loved each other, we were just convenient, until then I stopped being. I guess even money couldn't buy my ex's interest.

My father's mouth hung open.

“She broke up with you?” He stammered with surprise “Son of… After everything you went through?”

“She broke up with me just before my second trip to the OR, Dad,” I sighed, my embarrassment creeping in once more as I remembered the moment Laura had broken up with me without even asking how I was doing. “I can't imagine how the world would’ve acted after discovering that her boyfriend would be incomplete.”

“Jacob, son…” Dad ruffled his hair in frustration, a sign that he couldn't find the right words.

“Where's Mom?” I asked, deciding to change the subject.

“She's talking to the Chief,” He explained as he approached. “Son, what happened? What happened for you to end...?”

“A rescue went wrong,” I said with neutral voice.

Why couldn’t I stay without memories? Why did I have to remember everything with brutal detail?

The consequences of my mistake would always be with me.

“I know what happened at the rescue, Jacob. I’m taking about you. There are twenty people out there wanting to see you. Kane is about to open a hole in the waiting room floor, they haven’t seen you in four days. Those people are your team, son. Why are you doing this?”

“They were my team, Dad.” I clenched my hands into fists. “I no longer belong to the unit.”

“What nonsenses are you saying? You’ll always be one of them, Jacob, always. No matter what you lost...”

“I want to be alone,” I interrupted him, feeling my heart starting to beat violently.

“And sure you will,” Dad spat out angrily. “You don't you want to see them? Fine. I'll tell them to leave. But don't think you're going to rip your mother and me from your side that easy, Jacob Coleman.”

My Dad turned around and left the room without further.

Me? I stayed on that bed, alone and unable to forget that my life would never be the same again.