Second Chance

After leaving Chance right after high school graduation feels like a lifetime ago. But as I am standing here at the city limits sign, all of the pain and hurt comes flooding back. If daddy hadn’t been diagnosed with cancer, I would never be coming back to this town. I’m hoping that the cause of that hurt does not cross my path. I have no desire to see Holden ever again, but in this small town, I wonder how long it will be before I have to come face to face with a past I have tried so hard to forget.

I turn back towards my car and just take a deep breath. “Time to get moving.” I say to myself, I can’t keep sitting here on the side of the road. I have to go see my parents and see what is going on with Daddy. Mama wasn’t very forthcoming with the details of Daddy’s illness or the treatments. When I had talked to Daddy all that he would say is “I’m fine baby girl.” Just hearing him on the phone and hearing his voice has always brought tears to my eyes. I will always be a Daddy’s girl and I wouldn’t want to have it any other way.

As I drive into the city of Chance I can see very little has changed. The oldest restaurant is still in business, I think it is almost as old as the city itself. There has never been a time that Fred’s hasn’t been open. This is a typical small town, less than ten square miles, and everyone knows each other. That may sound ideal to some people but it’s not ideal when you are living in it and everyone seems to know your business. I had always thought I would never leave this town because I was so happy here. I had found the love of my life here. I had seen myself settling down here, getting married, and having kids here. Unfortunately one fateful night shattered all of those dreams and I headed out of town as soon as graduation was over. So that dark cloud hangs over this town for me and all of the memories I had made here.

Before I know it I am pulling into the driveway of my childhood home. Nothing much has changed. Mama always made sure the flowers were planted and a vegetable garden is growing beside the house. The one thing that feels out of place is the sight of extra cars in the driveway. Daddy was usually working on some project which kept him busy. Being a mechanic has always been a part of who daddy is. His side hustle, as he called it, always brought in the much needed extra money to help out paying the bills. I learned from a very early age that I had to work hard for what I needed or wanted. Starting at sixteen, I worked after school and kept up my grades to get as many scholarships as I could. Without those I would have never been able to go to college after I left town. Without such a role model, like my daddy, I would have never finished college and become an architect.

Walking up to the house, I can hear the TV. Daddy isn’t hard of hearing but the volume would indicate otherwise. It’s just not normal for daddy to stay in the house for a long period of time, but his cancer diagnosis and treatments has zapped his energy. It’s hard seeing him like this. He’s always on the go and very active. Hopefully with my coming home will raise his spirits. The relationship that we have has always been close and very special to me. Nothing was going to take that away from me, not even cancer.

“Knock! Knock!” I call out, loudly, over the noise of the television. Seeing daddy sitting in his recliner brings tears to my eyes. They are tears of happiness and sadness. Happy to be home and sad to see how tired daddy looks. Mama is in the kitchen cooking dinner. This is what I missed about being here, the feeling of being loved.

After dinner and catching up, I went up,to my childhood bedroom. Nothing has changed, other than it’s all neat and clean which tells me mama has been up here. I’m exhausted from my trip and know that what is ahead of me is going to be even more tiring.

In my old room, some of the memories were still there. The bulletin board was still there with all of my once cherished photos. Smiling back at me were three faces from my past. Amelia, my bestie (or so I thought), Seth (the comedian of the group), and Holden (the once love of my life). I had seen my life going down such a different path. I had envisioned by now that I would be married and probably have a couple of kids. That was what I thought Holden had wanted as well, but I was such a fool. I had thought those closest to me were the ones that I could trust instead, they committed the worst betrayal that I could ever imagine. That betrayal would dictate how I dealt with every relationship I had from graduation night forward.

Being home felt good, however, I knew that the three people in those pictures could not be avoided forever. This town was too small to not eventually run into each other. I was going to have to be on guard at all times, because the walls I had built around my heart were not going to be torn down. Maybe I had been gone too long and I had lost more of myself that I was willing to admit.