The light has gone. It was replaced by huge clouds resembling iodine-soaked balls of cotton wool. Balls of cotton that eventually became rain, rain that's falling in drops the size of over-ripe mango fruits.
We are at the dining room, sitting on the floor in the shadow of the massive opepe toned table. It's burnished surface gleams even in the dull light. Each of us has a bowl of G4 in hand. At least that is what Ahmed called it when he asked if i wanted to "partake". G4 turned out to be garri, full of more granulated sugar than i think is healthy with groundnuts floating in it.
" Watered cereal" Chantelle called it, either to make me feel better or to sound more American. I don't know which. Now, i can barely keep the watered cereal from going the wrong way in my body. Ahmed is in what i have come to know as his full blown crack-your-ribs-mode, and those of us who aren't in the process of laughing are half dead with laughter.
For the first time since the Abyss, since never, since thine kingdom come, Ahmed is clowning and i am not in on it. Being so close to Amanda is distracting. Intoxicating. She's shed her denim, and the homey scent of the outdoors after rain is directly in my face. Her body is warm in the sudden chill that accompanied the cloudburst, and pressed against mine it produces an electrifying feeling. It's like rapture came early and i made it to heaven. I managed to snake an arm around her back, slid it to her waist, almost to her hip before my courage burnt itself out. She pulls at the tail of a long cornrow and her scent wharfs over. Heady. Strong. Maddening.Lord have mercy.Now i am fairly positive any guy could turn stalker given the right woman. Like yesterday i was on that girls-are-for-little-boys kind of vibe. Now i am almost losing it, breathing in a body fragnance. I am so focused on her that i don't even notice when the semblance of
I scoot away a little bit and pull at the black band on my wrist. My ears are as hot as sizzling oil."So i listened to J.Cole." he says out of no-where."And?""He's not bad at all." he admits, albeit reluctantly."Not bad at all." I exclaim"He's so dope." We say at the same time and grin at each other."But i know you still won't admit he's better than Eminem, right?""Uh no. Capital letter N O. They are two entirey different people."I pretend to perceive a bad smell in the air and sniff at it. "What's that smell?""What smell, " he asks befuddled " i can't perceive anything.""Aha," i exclaim "i know that smell, it's the stench of defeat."He laughs, full teeth on display. There's a valley between the end of his nose and the top of his upper lip that i could lay my lie down for. I didn't realize that philtrums could be so attractive before now. Maybe they aren't. M
She kissed me then. No—she kisses me then, with her face sandwiched between my hands. The present is a better way to describe it.I am here in the now, in the present, not unsure of tomorrow, or trying to imagine i am Eragon or Frodo or Okonkwo. Her face is pressed against mine, so hard that it's a surprise her forehead doesn't melt into mine. Her fingers are soft against my nape. For once Deziri is speechless and i can't feel that ever-present, ever-terrified eight year old part of me lurking, trying to find an escape route from the present.For once the world i'm in is perfect enough.She made that world. She is that world.
He tastes just as pretty as he looks, like an undiscovered spice; untouched and exotic. My nose seems to like being so close to him too, it brushes against the end of his small button nose as if it's trying to say 'hi'. The love stories and the mills and boons tell you that people melt into a kiss, that your skin sizzles of your bones inflamed by passion.I don't know about that. I didn't melt. I didn't 'catch fire' as they always describe it.Nah. I just disintegrated. Disintegrated into tiny vulnerable bits that only exist in this world, tiny bits that only exist in these moments.I am nothingness. I am like the swooning wind, or like a hiking rivulet running its course through a green jungle. I am free. Floating in nothingness.I could exist only in this moment and be contented forever.Dripping love, bleeding love.If a second were
Pascal always walks us to the junction after we visit. Outside is an after-rain kind of dark. The heavens are a thick blue canvas spread so low as to make rooftops resemble scraps of paper collaged into a humongous mosaic. Brown puddles dot the streets; some barely the size of a grown man's foot, others the width of a small lagoon. We have to dodge and leap over their welcoming watery arms, like Another time Sis. The barbing Saloon less than ten feet away from Pascal's is jamming up Olamide's issa goal on its speaker and the thing is so noisy that the provisions store next to it is practically shivering, tremors from the stereo's bass pulsate up and down its walls. It reminds me of another day, acutely similar to this one, with a little less downpour and clearer clouds. We were doing our usually walk home at turtle pace when the world started to scream."Goal!"From taxi cabs, stalls, bars; Gee even the mechanic at the corner of the road
Perhaps i was feeling different, weightless and fuller at the same time, and i needed someone to talk to about it. Maybe a part of me wanted approval. Maybe it's just that i talk more than i should. Either way, i tell Aunty seedy about Chideziri. We are catching up on Funke Akindele's Jennifa's diary when i do so. (Swears that lady is our very own Taraji p. Henson.)I spend time I should be laughing my bowels out to mould and remould sentences in my head to fit what i need to say; I was never much good at the Fine arts though, so it comes out really far from perfection.I swear, there's really no perfect way to tell someone you've idolized your whole life such stuff.Boys make everything more complicated like that.So i blurt out my truth, raw and uncovered. It burns coming up, but when it does come up i feel like a boulder i didnt even know was on my shoulders got craned off. It's only natural, i think. Up until now
There are countless silences, all noisy in their own manner.There is the silence that speaks when spoken to, and broods when not.There's the silence that walks with weariness in its gait, the one that fatigue has robbed of it's virtue.There's the silence that bellows when anger smithed words will not suffice. The silence that seethes and bristles at the back of our minds.Then there is the silence that visits us when words are not enough to say. When the world is but a forgotten stepping stone, and we are all that matters. When i am listening to the tune of your voice plucking the strings of my heart and all i can breathe is you.I like that comfortable quiet that sneaks in upon us in a murmur of solace, that quiet that requires two to make. That is my favourite kind silence.I found that silences talk, and that they are loud, and opinionated.I learnt that silences say more than words ever speak
First thing i do in every morning is turn on my data connection.Yes, i know, it's phone addiction, you will damage your eyes, the sensitive rays from a phone are capable of causing cancer—bla-bla-bla—Keep the advice to yourself.It's Friday again. TGIF. But Mumsi still isn't back from her trip. It's unlike her, to travel suddenly then over stay on top of that. But i would be telling you lies, if i say I'm not enjoying the bit of peace I've gotten so far. I sleep a bit while letting the status' on my WhatsApp load. Earlier, in the middle of the night when I had to wake up to take a piss, it was like i was at the north-pole, freezing myself out in a singlet and an old pair of jeans, Tobi cut at the knees with a sharp pair of scissors. Now I'm in full cold-weather-proof-armour. I'm talking about beanie, hoodie, jean trousers, and stocking-ed feet. I snuggle into the now warm folds of my tussled sheets and enjoy the last streaks of night.Ma