Chap 9: [WSIT?] - Patient

It was a rainy day. The road is wet and cold.

I walked down the street with my cano, looking at the dry roots of despair that surrounded them.

There is no one who does not have, more or less, no matter what expression they are showing on their faces, happy or sad, laughing or crying. It turned out that the desperate race had quietly taken over the world. It turned out that we weren't the only ones who had to suffer and despair. Turns out, we're all Tree People.

Tree Man? Why do you remember this word?

Ah, come to think of it, I saw that word on a TV news report about rare diseases. There was a man who was turned into a Treeman after a knee surgery. I still remember the look of him, from the elbows out, all over his feet were rough, dry, rough bark; On his knees, on his neck, and on his face, there were spots and cracks like hollow hollows of a tree. At that time, I thought, maybe like petrified warriors when meeting Medusa's eyes, he was cursed by some witch, gradually turning into a tree, a real tree. .

No one knows where the disease came from. It has been speculated to be a variant of actinic keratosis pilaris, a skin lesion caused by ultraviolet rays in the sun.

Well, that's why the Tree Men often stay in the dark, it turns out it's because they're afraid the sunlight will make them scab more quickly.

Actually, I think, we are also Tree People. Tree People in the soul, caused by the plant of Despair.

That Seed of Despair, once germinated, takes root in one's heart and drains the lifeline. Its branches will grow in one's bones and marrow, bit by bit eating away at life, flesh and blood, horning one, turning one into a Treeman.

Then at some point the Tree Men will turn into Trees. The layers of horns are motionless, emotionless, crippled.

I walked up the endless old stairs, catching sight of his quiet figure.

What a big Treeman, bigger than any Treeman I've ever met. The branches are large, stretching out, casting darkness over the whole sky.

He stood there, on the craggy scaffolding, in the middle of the sky soar, motionless. White cigarette smoke swirled around his face, his expression could not be seen clearly.

Perhaps arrogant, like the last emperor, standing quietly on the ruins of the once-golden fortresses, witnessing the fall of the dynasty, foreseeing the fall one day. far from yourself.

Perhaps cowardly, like an apprentice clown standing on a thin rope, hesitating and daring not to step down.

Very contradictory, very similar: both the emperor and the clown wanted to go a step further. Just one more step, they all find their own liberation.

Free themselves, even if it will chain those who love them to suffering, forever.

Just one more step. Will you step further? Will step out, rush into this wide sky, tear this beautiful sunset, right in front of your eyes? Will you come out, sentence me to life in a prison of agony, no sentence reduction, no pardon? What will happen?

- What are you thinking about and getting so wet, you idiot? - I don't know when he came in, smiled and ruffled my messy hair.

Laugh like that again. I hate bitterly hate this smile of yours. He knew well that in front of me there was no need to disguise, yet he deliberately put on that mask. Compared to his sad expression, his smile broke my heart even more, accusing me of not being able to give him enough sense of security or belonging, accusing me of having nothing to do with other people out there. other, all made him put on a funny disguise to deal with with all his might.

If you've been so deeply ingrained by the Tree of Despair, if you've been so distressed, please cry. Even if you have to pretend to smile, stay calm with the whole world, in front of me, please cry. Didn't he say that he would bear everything together? But he quietly collected all the sorrow, refused to say a word to me. If I can't see those dry branches in me, are you going to stay like this, lying to me for the rest of my life?

He opened the coffee shop and clicked his tongue to compliment his cooking skills, while eating and telling stories, in order to distract me. But I had no way of refreshingly replying to his words. You're still sitting next to me, shouldn't I be glad? But actually, compared to the joy, the anxiety is more. If not today, it will be another day. My heart will forever hover watching the guy standing indifferently on the edge of the cliff, at any time can throw himself down.

In the dead of night, a person sat for a long time in front of the balcony. In front of him was the night sky, the crescent moon hidden behind thick clouds, and the sporadic stars with their faint lights, but I knew he wasn't looking at all that, nor thinking about it. What do you think, he's just dazed. Motionless, lifeless, like a

tree. Not even the tree of others is slowly growing, his tree is slowly rotting. The roots of his despair were deeply rooted in the land of his soul, draining the fountain of life. The cigarette on his lips was already burned more than half, the heavy cigarette butts wanted to fall down with the wind, just like the life that had crossed the other side of the slope, waiting to plunge. I've been looking through your old photos, you've changed so much. Sad changes. He shouldn't have been like this.

Since when did that seed sprout in your heart?

Was it the accident?

No, probably by the time the person left.

So selfish, so heartless.

                

Another rainy day. I walked up the steps, listening to heavy creaking sounds under my heels, ups and downs. The handrails have some places where the blue paint has peeled off, revealing rusty red-brown parts, the rain is falling, drop by drop, drop by drop. It's like bleeding sores.

The old stairs still seem endless, I keep walking up, going up and up, still can't see him.

One step after another, that familiar figure still did not appear.

One step after another, perhaps because the higher you go, the thinner the air, and you start to feel short of breath.

One step after another, perhaps because he was tired, his heart began to pound in his chest.

The other workers are still working diligently, certainly nothing unusual.

Not yet.

I pulled out my phone, pressing the button was also not smooth. Still can't call the other end. Turn off. Call back. Turn off again. The key presses, the waiting bells. Beep beep beep beep. The sounds echoed endlessly.

Someone stopped me from going up again. I hurriedly inquired about his whereabouts. Turns out it was already there.

If I went back to my room, I would have met in the middle of the road.

Where did you end up going?

Haven't told me a word already want to go?

I turned my head to go down, being grabbed by the people who gave me a stern warning. Did I run? No, of course I don't want to die. Okay, I'll be more careful. Please let me go. Please.

As soon as I landed on the ground, I ran. Why is it so big today, I haven't come out yet? There was the sound of airplanes buzzing overhead, I looked up, my eyes had just escaped the towering corrugated iron walls of the construction site, suddenly feeling terrified. The scenery in four directions and eight directions seemed to revolve around me, the space was high and wild, and the sky was like falling down. Where did the people come out, the highway was blocked. The sound of horns, the sound of engines, the sound of furniture crashing, the pounding of people made me want to vomit. There were cold drops of water falling on my head, I looked up. The sky was drizzling with rain. And on that towering building, next to the pointed red-bronze Effel tower, I saw a figure. The shadow of someone standing on the top of the tower, like a big tree standing on a lonely hill...

ARE NOT!!! I screamed and ran over there. A series of ferocious whistles sounded, and a violent tremor hit me, and I found myself flying. At the last moment, in my eyes only the empty peak remained. Raindrops, heavy falling from the sky…

And then, I woke up in this world, surrounded by people who called themselves family, every day crying and telling me the life I told was not real, and that he never existed.