THE "IFS"

Astrid

Freshly baked bread and the sweet aroma of soup invaded my nostrils. The bar was filled with men and women but not overcrowded. I felt my skin beginning to crawl. My social anxiety was starting to crawl out. No one paid attention to me, and I scrambled off to the farthest table in the room.

I sat on a chair, which creaked under my lightweight. The table surface was scarred from years of use but was still in good shape. The bar stretched along the right side of the room, its shelves with wooden bottles of wines and local spirits.

At the center of the room was an empty spot for local musicians to perform. On the left side of the bar wall was a painting of a big white Moon with a wolf howling underneath it. It was beautiful. The rest of the walls had maps and old pictures that had faded.

Loud laughter rang through the entire club as they all laughed at something the man had said. I felt eyes on me even though I knew no one was staring at me. I wasn't worth staring at. Bartenders and servers moved around the room, servants carrying wooden trays as they served their customers.

"Did you hear about Alpha Magnus finding his mate?" A browned-haired skinny guy asked, his voice resonating around the bar. I tensed up suddenly as his words floated in my hair. I looked around frantically and put back on my cape.

I was already regretting why I came. Covering myself, with only my eyes revealed, I listened raptly to what they were about to say.

"I heard she's ugly; that is why the Alpha refuses to show her to the people or accept the mate bond." The browned-haired skinny guy said.

"I heard she's a spoiled brat and pompous. She thinks everything is about her. That is why the Alpha decided to teach her a lesson by ignoring her." Another commented.

"I also heard from a reliable source her family and pack members hate her, and they all wish her dead because she did something." A young lady dressed in brown said, smacking her lips together. Instantly, my eyes got filled with tears. Her words weren't lies. They were the truth. They all wanted me dead on something I had no control over.

“I heard she’s retarded, and do a mute from one of the servants working in the castle.” Another said, sipping a drink from the wooden cup handed over to him by a serving girl.

“What would you like to order?” A serving girl asked, interrupting my lamentation.

"Huh….water would be fine," I answered weakly, my appetite gone. She looked at me like an alien. I could understand who the hell comes to a bar to order water. She nodded and left.

I continued listening to stories and news associated with Magnus and me till I didn't know when tears fell on the sudden table in front of me. I didn't judge someone, especially without even knowing them or based on rumors, but then I realized everyone was not as naïve and stupid as me.

Even as my family mistreated me, I associated it with their way of grieving for their beloved son.

The serving girl returned after a while with a tray in her hand. She placed the tray on the table. I had requested something else. It was a bowl of soup and freshly baked bread. I stared at it in confusion.

"This isn't what I ordered," I said, confused.

"Yeah. Someone asked me to deliver this. Eat it, and don't question. You look skinny enough." She took the tray along with her and left. I stared at her back as she went. Averting my gaze from her, I looked around the room, hoping to catch a glimpse of someone kind enough to order me this. I didn't know anyone here apart from Magnus.

My eyes connected with that of a big man sitting in the corner of the room. He was wearing a large black cape, and the hood covered his entire face, but I knew he was openly staring at me without shame. That instant, I knew he was the one who ordered the serving girl to give me the bread and soup.

"How long has he been staring at me?" I felt my skin crawl. I quickly averted my gaze away, but I could still feel him staring at me. I stared at the food but couldn't find myself eating it. "What if he has a hidden motive and put something inside? Or what if he was a criminal." In my thoughts, I looked back at him sneakily but found him still staring at me. I gave him a weak glare, which seemed to amuse him instead.

"I heard the Alpha mate is so weak that the Alpha rejected her, too. One blow from our weakest pup could knock her out." One of the patrons scoffed. My eyes snapped to him, but he took no notice of me.

"If I were to be the Alpha also, I would reject her immediately without regard for the mate-bond. I wouldn't want someone as weak as that as a mate." Another with a bald head interjected with a burst of mocking laughter.

"Poor soul!" A lady sighed loudly, and they all erupted in laughter. This time, I couldn't control the tears. I quickly retreated into the cape and rested my head downward on the table.

Their words cut deep down into my mind and head. I wondered if that was what Magnus felt and if that was the real reason he rejected, under the pretense he wanted to fall in love.

"Was that why he dumped me in the east wing and ignored me? Did he think I was weak and not fit enough to be his Luna?"  I thought. I regretted ever leaving the castle. I should have stayed in the room like the good girl I had always been and wouldn't have heard all this. My hands had turned deathly pale at the intensity of the grip on my clothes. I felt ashamed to raise my head.

After getting a grip on myself, I raised my head, and my eyes met with the big man in the corner. He stared at me with concern and guilt. His hands gripped the table tightly in what seemed like anger.

"Why is he angry?" I thought. "Was it because I didn't eat the food he bought for me?" I wondered. I was scared to stand up, and he would follow me out. "What if he killed me on my way back to the palace? That would be good and spare Magnus the trouble of discarding me."

I stood up, glancing at the man glancing at the man and saying he had no intention of standing up. I breathed a sigh of relief and walked to the door. Looking back to steal another glance, my head collided with a rigid wall.