Giving up

For the first time in three years…I had breakfast alone.

Usually, I waited for Kael.

Even if he was running late after a council meeting or a morning patrol, I would ask the cooks to keep everything warm until he arrived.

We had made a promise early in our marriage.

No matter how busy life became…We would always share at least one meal a day.

It had been Kael’s idea.

“A pack can survive without many things,” he’d told me once. “But a marriage cannot survive without time.”

I had believed him, and perhaps I still did.

I simply wasn’t sure he believed it anymore.

***********

The dining room was quiet.

One of the maids poured tea into my cup before setting a basket of fresh bread and oats on the table.

“Would you like us to wait for the Alpha, Luna?”

I looked at the empty chair across from me.

The chair that had become emptier with each passing week.

“No.”

The maid blinked. “Are… are you certain?”

I nodded. “The food will get cold.”

She bowed politely. “As you wish.”

I picked up my spoon and began eating. The first few bites tasted like nothing.

After that…I stopped noticing the taste altogether.

I had almost finished when footsteps echoed through the hallway.

Kael entered the dining room, fastening the cuff of his shirt.

The moment he saw me, surprise flickered across his face.

“You started without me?”

“I did.” I replied without looking up.

He looked toward the table. “You usually wait.”

“I was hungry.” I admitted.

A tiny crease formed between his brows. “Oh.”

He sat across from me while a servant hurried to prepare another plate.

For a while…Neither of us spoke.

Only the soft clink of cutlery against porcelain broke the silence.

Finally, Kael smiled. “I’m glad.”

I looked up. “Glad?”

“You’ve been eating more.”

I frowned slightly.

“You barely touched your meals after Lily arrived.” His smile widened.

“But lately…You’ve been taking better care of yourself.”

I stared at him.

He thought…He thought I was getting better.

“I was worried,” he continued. “I thought you were falling apart.”

A quiet laugh almost escaped me.

Instead, I simply lowered my eyes to my plate.

If only he knew I wasn’t healing.

I was stopping. Stopping myself from hoping, stopping myself from waiting, and stopping myself from believing that tomorrow would somehow be different.

Hope was exhausting, while giving up was strangely peaceful.

**********

“Elara.” His voice pulled me back.

“Yes?”

“I’ve been thinking.”

I looked at him. Maybe he still wanted to surprise me for our anniversary.

“When things settle down…I’d still like to take you away.”

I smiled politely. “That sounds nice.”

He looked relieved. “I knew you’d like that.”

Would I? A few weeks ago, I would have counted the days until that trip.

Now…It felt like he was talking about someone else’s future.

The servants placed his breakfast in front of him.

Fresh bread, eggs, and smoked meat.

His favorites.

He picked up a piece of bread before looking at me again.

“You seem different.”

My fingers paused around my teacup.

“Different?”

“You seem…” He searched for the right word. “Calmer.”

I nodded. “I suppose I am.”

“I was hoping you’d finally accepted everything.” He grinned.

Accepted? Such a simple word. As though acceptance was the same as peace.

I smiled gently. “Maybe I have.”

His shoulders visibly relaxed. “I’m happy to hear that.”

I held his gaze. “I’m sure you are.”

After breakfast, I stood from my chair.

“I should check on today’s supplies.”

“I’ll walk with you.” He offered.

“There isn’t any need.” The words slipped out before I could soften them.

Kael blinked. “Oh.”

“I mean…” I adjusted the sleeve of my dress. “You must have work to do.”

He hesitated. “I suppose I do.”

“I’ll see you later.” I forced a smile.

He smiled. “I’ll find you after the council meeting.”

I inclined my head. “I’ll be around.”

************

As I walked through the corridors alone, Clara caught up with me.

“Luna!”

I turned.

“Good morning.” She smiled brightly.“The flower bulbs arrived.”

“Wonderful.” I exclaimed.

“Where would you like them planted?” She asked.

I thought for a moment.

“The southern gardens. They’ll bloom beautifully in spring.”

Clara scribbled down the instructions.

“You always know exactly where everything belongs.”

I smiled. “I’ve had years of practice.”

She laughed before hurrying away. I watched her disappear around the corner.

Years of practice. Perhaps that was all I was now.

Someone who knew where flowers belonged, where tables should be arranged, which meals the Alpha preferred, and someone who kept the pack running quietly in the background.

I was just useful, reliable, and replaceable.

Later that afternoon, I crossed paths with Kael outside the council chamber.

He looked less tired than he had that morning.

The moment he saw me, he smiled.

“There you are.”

“I was just heading to the gardens.” I swallowed.

He stepped closer. “I’ve been thinking about breakfast. I’m sorry I worried you.”

“You didn’t.” I shrugged.

“I did.” He reached for my hand. “I think you’re finally finding your footing again.”

I looked down at our joined hands. His warmth still comforted me.

That hadn’t changed.

“I think…” He smiled softly. “…we’re going to be alright.”

I looked into the eyes of the man I loved. The man who still believed he could fix everything.

I wished, more than anything, that he was right because he couldn’t see what was happening.

He thought I was healing. He thought I was learning to live with our new reality.

He didn’t know…Every disappointment had quietly taken something from me.

The woman who waited for him before eating was gone.

The woman who counted the hours until he came home, was gone.

The woman who believed love would always be enough was disappearing too.

Not all at once, but piece by piece.

And the saddest part was…He never noticed.

Because I never stopped smiling.