Mid MarchI stared down at my phone, at the photo I’d taken at Natasha’s the weekend before. Natasha was asleep, her arm thrown up above her head, breasts covered by the sheet.How many years had it been since I had felt this way about a woman? Since I could barely stand being away from a girlfriend or my wife for more than a few hours?Searching my memory, I could find none. Perhaps some from high school came close, but the woman had my mind wandering in the middle of the day. She had me working long into the night so that I could leave early just to see her sooner. I didn’t tell her that, though. I couldn’t.Only a month had passed, but it felt like multiple months. There was never the usual period of awkwardness. It felt like she knew the deepest parts of me without even trying. And if she didn’t, she could force them out of me. It was amazing and freeing, and frightening as hell.A knock sounded at my door and I cleared the screen, but not without one last long
For weeks I’d heard the whispered words and theories, Jenna had even filled me in on some of the gossip circulating on her side of the building. I tried not to let it get to me, but every time Richard popped up, he didn’t care who saw us being affectionate. It negated all of my efforts to appear professional.However, I felt a change occurring in my relationship with Richard. Work Richard, the VP, was serious and stiff, while my boyfriend was loving and attentive. The problem was the VP was becoming more and more present with each week.Earlier in the week I sent him our favorite baby Yoda memes, and twice in the week he hadn’t responded. One night I even went without our nightly phone call. It wasn’t like our nightly calls were long and time consuming, sometimes they were as short as a couple of minutes, but it was enough just to hear his voice.It felt like our footing had become uneven somehow, but I attributed it to the distance between us.“Natasha, did I hear Richard
End of MarchI should have stayed at the office.I should have been in a meeting with Michael about next month’s rollout.But instead I was where I wanted to be, though the quirked brow and pursed lips that met me had me on edge. Natasha was still working, and I wasn’t even there for the project we were working on together.“In the five years I’ve worked here I don’t think you’ve ever come for a visit, but the last month and a half you’ve come five times,” she said before standing. “I think I’m getting special attention, because Nina never saw you this much. And if you’re blaming it on my department I will swat you.”I had been to the office before, many times, but it was odd how I’d never seen or noticed her. If she hadn’t been in that meeting, would I have noticed that day?“No, I’m blaming it on you.”She rolled her eyes, a smile playing on her lips. “Ass.” I pulled on her wrist and she crashed against my chest. “Richard,” she hissed, her gaze darting around.
There was a strange feeling in the air when I woke up shortly before we arrived deep in the heart of downtown Chicago. Almost as if there was an invisible wall that had been erected between us, dividing the car in two. It hadn’t been there before, and its appearance now was a foreshadowing that made my heart ache.“Why don’t you go take a nap,” Richard said after we walked in.“I just woke up.”He nodded. “What sounds good for dinner?”I brushed my hair behind my ear, my brow furrowing. I didn’t like the distance in his gaze but what scared me was the physical distance that he placed between us. This wasn’t the same man who dropped in to my office hours ago. What had happened when I was asleep?“Pasta. Does that work?”He nodded and walked into the kitchen and the drawer where he stored menu copies. “There’s an Italian restaurant that’s good.”I watched as he flipped through them, his concentration focused until he found what he was looking for. He handed me the menu bef
AprilI bit at my nail as I stared at the clock.He was late.Dinner was a big deal—meet-the-parents kind of big deal. Oh, and telling my parents about my pregnancy and hoping they didn’t ask “how did this happen?” Because I didn’t want to tell them how we met. The safe explanation was that we met through work.I took one last look at my appearance to make sure I didn’t look too pregnant. My stomach was definitely sticking out more every day, but thankfully the empire waist of the dress my mother bought me for Christmas managed to flare out enough that it wasn’t noticeable. However, if I twisted and the fabric got caught, it was “hello, bump.”I had reminded Richard of our dinner plans during our nightly call, but I hadn’t heard from him all afternoon.With him getting wrapped up in work last weekend, I was seriously beginning to wonder if he was coming.Friday traffic can be a bitch, I reminded myself.I needed him to be there, beside me. Otherwise I didn’t kno
For the past week Natasha helped me to smooth out and perfect the budget analysis, and I was quite impressed with her work. She had it more streamlined than I’d been able accomplish on my own in the past.We both had stayed up late, talking on the phone, emailing back and forth in the final week, until everything was just right. I knew it took a toll on her, and I was ready to free her for an early weekend, to pamper her a little.And to share the excitement of a job well done.The walls built to protect myself from Natasha did nothing to stifle the deep-seated desire I had for her. Natasha had worked her way into my bloodstream and had become a drug my body needed regular doses of to survive.Meeting her family only highlighted how dysfunctional my family was. Susie and I weren’t close like that because she was a girl and I was a boy. Girls cooked and cleaned and sewed and played with dolls, while boys did hard chores outside, played sports, and made money.I had a paper
When Richard asked if there was anything I wanted to do over the weekend, there was one thing I desperately needed to do. Between work and baby naps, I’d been able to accomplish zilch in the shopping department, and didn’t have many clothes that could fit anymore. Baby Bump Bennett was getting bigger every week, and I was down to dresses and yoga pants.“This store is the devil,” I said to Richard as we walked through the automatic doors.“Why is that?” he asked, his brow furrowed. “They’re one of the largest retailers in the country.”“Because you go in for one five-dollar item and come out with nearly two hundred dollars’ worth of stuff.”He shook his head. “That’s called a lack of self-control.”“Uh-huh, just watch.”I grabbed a cart and perused the dollar bin section as we walked past. There were a few things I needed, and I made a straight line for the undergarments section. Richard’s eyes popped wide when I stopped in an aisle full of bras.“Let me buy you lingerie
Early MayIt was becoming a thing. An indecent, attention-seeking whore of a thing. As needy as a drug addict searching for their next hit.And when it struck it destroyed all the happiness in my heart, especially when Richard was already a day late. I’d expected him on Friday night, like usual, but work had its hooks in him, unrelenting.I no longer felt comfortable telling him everything that was going on because he stopped being as open in conversation.“Shit blew up, and I’m sitting here volleying emails with my bag sitting next to me trying not to break my laptop,” Richard said. The edge in his voice told me how pissed he was without the matching words.“Well, crap.” I rubbed at the space between my eyes in an attempt to ward off the headache that was coming on, mostly due to the agitation of work taking over again.Work was the one thing that demanded his attention, that snapped its non-existent fingers and made him jump. I couldn’t even get him to come with