CHAPTER 11: WHERE YOU GO, WE GO

As we enter the office, I look around in awe. The first thing I noticed was the high ceilings and the impressive library with floor-to-ceiling shelves filled with all kinds of books. The shelves are a beautiful dark oak color that matches the rest of the room’s furnishings.

Close to the door are black leather couches with a coffee table in the same dark oak color as the bookshelves. As you walk past the couches, there are five dark oak desks. There is one directly in front of the floor-to-ceiling glass windows that let in a lot of natural light. There is nothing on it but a computer and lamp. Then on either side of the desk in front of the window, there are two desks on each side. They all have different styles, but they are all in the same dark oak color, making them similar yet unique.

I sit on one of the single black leather chairs at the head of the arranged couches. While Zane and Dean sit on a couch to my right and Luke and Jason sit on a couch to my left.

“No joke, I am kicking them all out and making this my library,” I say to Cece.

Cece angrily snaps, “Why? You don’t plan on staying, remember?”

I know I am making her upset, but I don’t know what else to do. It is dangerous for me to stay for many reasons. I plead with her to understand. “Look, I know you want to stay and so do I, but the reality is, I will bring danger to everyone here if I stay.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. You are afraid of losing someone else you love, so you’re running away.” Cece is still, rightfully, angry. I mean, she’s not wrong.

I sigh. “You’re right, I am scared of losing them, but it’s not just our mates we lose if they find me. It’s everyone. All it takes is one person to recognize me from either job. Have you forgotten? There was one mission that people saw my face. I also find missing people. What if I found someone that the kidnapper didn’t want anyone to find? Any of them could want revenge.” There is no point lying to her. She knows my story and fears.

“That was a long time ago, and you have always been careful not to show your face and take out anyone who has seen you. No one knows what you look like or who you are, so you’re afraid of nothing. Stop being selfish, it’s not only you that gets hurt. Our mates miss out on their other half. The pack will miss out on their true Luna. The Moon Goddess matched not only you to your mates but all five of you to this pack. You all need each other, whether you believe it or not. If you leave, that leaves both our mates and the pack weak.” She is practically yelling and growling.

She’s right, of course, but that is not the biggest reason I want to leave. In shame I bow my head. I very weakly tell her my worst fear.

I whisper, “What if they reject me because I am a monster?” I stop trying to fight the tears that I feel coming. “I have killed and tortured many without hesitation or remorse. I have been tortured and have the disgusting scars to prove it. Or worse, what if I tell them who I am and they don’t just reject me, but decide to kill me? I am too damaged. They deserve better.”

This surprises her, and she softens.

“I guess there is no way to know until you say something. How about we talk to them and let them decide. If they reject us, we will leave. If they decide to kill us, we’ll escape.”

“What about the pack? Shouldn’t they have a say since this affects them as well?”

“Let’s talk to our mates first, then worry about the pack later,” she says softly.

“Ok,” I say just as softly, in defeat.

I have been broken, unhappy, and alone for so long. It would be nice to have someone to share my burdens with. I just hope they give me a chance to tell my whole story before they judge me, I say honestly, laying my heart open to Cece.

For once, in a very long time, I am willing to take a risk on happiness. Let’s just hope this doesn’t come to bite me in the ass.

As I look up, all four of the guys are looking at me, waiting patiently.

“Sorry, I was talking to Cece. I wanted to tell you about me before you decide to move forward with accepting me as your mate,” I say as I look at each of them. They continued to wait patiently for me to gather my thoughts.

I take a deep breath before I tell them everything about my past and leave nothing out. I start with how I lost my family in the accident. I continue with how I took up fighting to cope with my anger and loss. I told them about John training me, and I emphasized how much of a monster I’ve turned into.

If they want me, they need to know the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I tell them about all the people I have killed and tortured for information. I told them about the times that I allowed myself to get caught so they could torture me. I did this for two reasons: punishment for losing my family, and I also learned that people talk when they think they are in charge of your torture. They think they are the ones in control, but in reality, I was the one interrogating them.

I told them about my current mission and the accident that put me here. I told them how I found the children. I explained Mousy and Gruffy, but they didn’t know who I was talking about. Their scents remind them of several people as the perfume and bourbon are common around here. Finally, I finished with what Cece told me about being a dormant and how I know nothing about this world.

“I was fighting with Cece when I sat down because I am afraid that if someone finds something about who I am, they will come here looking for me. I can’t put you and the pack in that kind of danger.” I don’t want to see their faces when I say this last bit, so I drop my head and look at my hands in my lap. “My worst fear is you will reject me because I am a broken, emotionless killer—a monster. Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you if you did. You deserve someone much better than me,” I say as a tear escapes my eye. I quickly wipe it away.

After a few seconds of silence, I look up, and they are all just sitting there, staring at each other. Not saying a word.

Great. They don’t even want to look at me. I knew this was too good to be true. Who would want a monster like me to help them lead their pack? I thought, as major insecurities threatened to drown me. How had I become attached to them? I don’t know anything about them except for their names, but it pains me to be rejected.

Three minutes go by, and they still say nothing. I’m not going to stay where I am not wanted. I get up and start walking to the door with a pain in my heart from the rejection.

They don’t have to say anything. I can take a hint.

I’m sorry, Cece. I wish you didn’t get stuck with me. You deserve a better human, I told her.

Just as I put my hand on the door handle, Zane speaks up. “Wait,” is all he says in his rough tone. He tried to make it sound soft, but it sounded as if it was forced.

I turn around and they are all standing up, looking at me. Have they decided I am a risk they can’t have around the pack? Have they decided to reject me for the terrible things I have done?

I start to have a mini panic attack before Luke grabs my attention, pulling me out of it just with the sound of his voice.

“We talked about it,” Luke starts with a caring voice. My confusion must have shown on my face because he says, “We can mindlink. It’s a form of communication similar to how you and Cece communicate. Anyways, we don’t care. The Moon Goddess chose you for us, and honestly, you are exactly what we need in a mate and Luna.”

I was about to object, but Zane didn’t let me. He picked up where Luke left off. “You are not a monster. Yes, you have killed. So have I. Yes, you have tortured people. And so have I.”

Jason continued as if they were one person. “What matters most is you protect the innocent. You made sure they were not collateral damage. You found missing people and brought them home safely or brought back news so families can start to heal from their loss. You put others before yourself.”

Last was Dean, “you saved not only our children but all of them without a second thought. You took the time to gain the children’s trust so they wouldn’t be so afraid. You were working to get them home before you even knew your own mates’ names.” The others chuckled.

Zane spoke again. “You are selfless and caring. When Michelle said they were abused and raped, you were ready to kick down Blood Moon Pack’s doors and kill them all. You don’t stand by and let people get hurt. You are perfect. You. Are. Ours.” Zane punctuated each word with a growl.

“Well fuck,” I sighed. “When you put it like that.” They laughed while I had to fight back the tears. That was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me.

“Max, we have always said to the Elders and other women that we will wait for our mate. That we would rather go rogue than take a chosen mate—and we mean it. You. Are. Ours,” Luke said, punctuating his words like Zane.

With a quiet voice, I tell them another fear of mine. “I’m afraid I won’t be enough. That I am too damaged to love or be loved. I don’t want to let you or the pack down.”

Dean stepped forward. “We knew from the first time we saw you that you are a force to be reckoned with. We know what we are getting ourselves into. You. Are. Ours.”

We all looked at Jason.

“What they said,” Jason said, lighting up the mood. We chuckled, and even Zane’s lips turned up a centimetre to smile. I can tell Jason is the jokester of the group.

“Ok, so now knowing that you accept us, I want the pack to have a choice as this affects them too. I know it’s a long shot if anyone finds out who I am. Worst-case scenario, if they do and they attack, I want the pack to know why. If they don’t want me, I will respect their wishes and go. I will not put my happiness above their safety.” I don’t even know these men, but they have good hearts, and they have become important to me.

“If they reject you, then we will come with you,” Dean said, and it shocked the shit out of me.

“You would leave your pack for me?… No, they need you, you can’t do that,” I argue.

“Our Beta is an amazing leader, and we would gladly hand the pack over to him,” Luke said, leaving no room for excuses.

“Where you go, we go. End of fucking discussion,” growled out Zane.

I stand there speechlessly. I mean, what can you say to that?

“Let’s go to the bedroom and fuck,” says Cece, which catches me off guard, and I bust out laughing. My mates look at me like I grew a third head.

“Sorry… Cece…” is all I can get out between laughs before I finally settle down enough to talk. “Cece said something funny… You don’t want to know.”

“Yes, they would,” said Cece.

They all smile big grins, like they heard her. Creepy.

Luke is the first to speak. “You must have a lot of questions, but let’s get some rest first. It’s been a long night. We will show you to your room and you can meet us here when you wake up.”

Right as he finished talking, I let out a big yawn, and they chuckled.

“Fine, but not because you told me to,” I say with a chuckle. I said the same to Cece when we first met.

They led me to my room. They each gave me a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room and shutting the door behind them. Each kiss made me more damp and filled with need.

I can shower in the morning, I thought, too tired. I stripped down then dropped dead onto the bed, naked.