CHAPTER 4: CRASH COURSE ON BOYS

ADELINE

My forkful of pasta stops halfway to my mouth. I blink once, twice, set the fork back on the table, open my mouth, close it, words don’t form.

 Her words hang in the air and half of me expects her to pluck it right back so we can keep eating like the words never left her lips and I never heard them. 

But as random as they are, they’re also too real, too strong to be mere words that can be thrown around and taken back at will. 

Marriage?

“You said you weren’t dating anymore.” I finally found my voice and those are the only words I can mutter in a quiet voice 

“I did.” She nods, twiddling her fingers. 

“But you just said you’re getting married!” My voice is anything but quiet now. My mother takes a defensive stance at the change in my tone. 

“Yes, I’m not dating anymore because I’m getting married.” She clarifies and I scoff, unable to believe how simple-minded she is, believing that is enough explanation for the bombshell she dropped. 

“You go to school Addie, dating and marriage are two different things, aren’t they?” She worsens the severity of the situation by saying this and I just stare at my mother, bewildered. 

It suddenly occurs to me that I’m angry. The loud ringing in my ears; the way my entire body goes hot; the way a pulse on my neck throbs; the way I grip the end of the table, are all testaments to the fact that my mother’s words infuriate me. 

Ten years, I sat at this same table to hear my mum announce her new relationship status. Ten years, I have been numb to every new change. I’ve never been mad, never had the urge to hurl something at the wall but it’s different today. 

“Addie, baby, l know it’s a lot to take in right now and you probably think I’m a joke but trust me, it’s real this time. I love James and he loves me just as much. We—”

“What about me?” I say, cutting her short. My mother looks at me, confused and I try, I try so hard not to scream. How long have I held it in? How long have I told myself I didn’t care? That she had a life and I had mine? I swallow hard as I say my next words, “You’re getting married mum, so what about me? What happens to me?” 

Her eyes soften as she reaches for my hand across the table and squeezes it softly. “Oh, baby.”

“Addie, James is an amazing man, he’s willing to take you in and lov—” I snatch my hand away from her, revolting at the sound of that name and the word love. 

“Stop! Just stop, mum. Please!” I push my chair back with a loud scraping sound, standing.

My mother looks up at me, with worry as clear as day on her fair face and I want to laugh at how long it to ok for her to see how much I’ve endured for so long.

I take one last look at her before heading straight for my room and shutting my door hard behind me. 

I didn’t realize it until now that when she told me earlier that she’s stopped dating, my heart felt lighter and a strange sensation had gripped it.

I didn’t realize how much I actually cared. Now, the heaviness is back, this time in ten-folds. I cry into my pillow as it weighs down on me.

*******

“I came as soon as I got your text,” Cassidy’s breathless voice reaches my ears just as the cute boy behind the counter hands me my triple decker ice cream cone. My flirting skills are subpar and I can only hope the consistent fluttering of my lashes while I look at him from underneath them, catches his attention enough for him to ask for my number later. 

Cassidy’s crash course on boys 101 taught me that boys like shy girls and I’m aiming for that look even when I am anything but that.  I know I said no boys this summer but after last night with mum, I’m suddenly feeling a little rebellious. And what better way to rebel than with boys? Again, that’s another thing I pulled out of Cassidy’s lessons on boys which is ironic because we both have little to no experience in that department. At least, real life ones. 

Cassidy’s only better than me because she’s a bookworm who is always nose deep in the pages of books whether for school or not. So she just…knows things. I, on the other hand, have never really cared. I just wanted to make music. Getting into the prestigious Nexus Arts and Sciences High on a scholarship program meant that I had to constantly prove myself worthy of that privilege.

 It meant I had to practice my music every single day like my life depended on it. It meant I had to rid myself of all distractions and boys, boys are the biggest threat to the actualization of dreams 

Well, not anymore. All that gibberish I said about spending summer trying to get my grades back up went with my tears last night. I’m spending summer like every other teenager would. 

I mouth a thank you at the boy who flashes me a grin in return and tips his work cap. I turn to look at my friend who looks a tad bit disheveled like she ran all the way here and nudge my head towards the boy at the ice cream counter. He looks at us both, expectantly. 

“What?” She asks, brow raised in confusion.

“It’s five dollars and fifty one cents.” I raise my ice cream to make my point. Cassidy’s confusion lasts only a minute before she laughs dryly, pushes her glasses up her nose in a force of habit and brushes a strand of hair wet from what I suppose is sweat, off her face. 

“You asked me to come all the way here just to pay for your ice cream?”

Already tongue-teasing the vanilla scoop at the very top, I nod. “Pretty much.” 

“Addie! You said it was urgent. You asked me to get here with the speed of a hypersonic missile. Do you even know how fast those are? They run at a massive speed of five point one kilometers which is equal to three point two miles per sec—” 

She lost me at hypersonic Missile and I can’t stand to listen to anymore of her science jargon. I only used the missile analogy because I spent half of the last year listening to her go on and on about it for some class project. 

“Just pay, will you?” I say and she just shakes her head at me before digging into her purse and handing the cute boy some cash. 

“Keep the change.” I say quickly before he can hand Cassidy her change. The victim of my amateur flirting looks at me incredulously but it’s worth whatever tongue-lashing I’d get from her later because I got to see another one of the boy’s smiles. 

I find myself a table in the corner of the Ice cream shop and settle to enjoy my frozen goodness. Cassidy takes a seat across from me in a heartbeat. 

“I can’t believe you made me cross three bus stops just to pick up your tab.”  Cassidy lives in the heart of Chicago with her parents and her six brothers. Correction, six hot brothers. But that’s not the point right now. She looks mad at me for making her journey two hours to get here. 

“I’m sorry, Cass. I had no choice. I felt stuffed at home and I just wanted to go out. Left my purse at home and I didn’t want to go back ‘cause I wasn’t ready to face my mother.” 

Cassidy doesn’t look mad anymore, “Did you two fight? You told me there was no one at the house last night.”

I chuckle wryly, “Yeah.” 

Cassidy is my only friend and sure, she knows about my mother’s dating life just the way I know about her amazing family of nine. 

I stay quiet for more than a few seconds, a slew of emotions rushing through me as I think back to last night and how dysfunctional my relationship with my mother has been and the fact that we never really talked about the things that mattered. 

“Mum’s getting married.” I say it with so much restraint that shows how much the idea pained me to think about it. I meet Cassidy’s wide eyes and force a smile but it’s half-hearted. It’s sad. 

“Oh, Addie, I—wow.” Cassidy’s uneasiness shows in her eyes and the way she fumbles with her glasses. 

“You know, I  really thought I was okay, Cass. I thought…I thought I was fine with mum trying to get a chance at love again after dad died but…”  I struggle with words and just sigh when they don’t seem to come, “I guess I’m not.” 

All I can think about is what my place will be in my mother’s life now that she’s having a stronger commitment. All I can worry about is if this man is just like the rest of them; the past ones who looked upon me with disdain. All I can think about is if I matter or perhaps if I’ll ever matter anymore. 

“Are they engaged? Have you met him?” Cassidy asks. 

“Engaged? Yes. Met him? Nope. I saw her dancing around the kitchen by chance before I left the house. That was after I found a huge diamond ring on her vanity when I went looking for her hairdryer.” 

That’s how I know she’s already engaged to him and it’s final. My feelings won’t even change a thing. 

“Back up, a diamond ring?” Cassidy asks and I roll my eyes at her.

“Is that the only thing you got from what I just said?” 

“A freaking diamond ring, Addie. That means he’s loaded. Isn’t that a change from the usual?” 

Now that she mentions it, it really is a change from the usual jobless, hungry, and useless pricks my mother used to date. It’s like she’s a magnet for these sorts of men.

Wallace and a host of my mom’s past boyfriends put together cannot afford a knock-off diamond ring much less the real thing. There’s something about this change that stirs an unfamiliar feeling inside of me. 

“Well, his name is James if that counts for anything. He’s probably a dick like Sullivan Junior.” 

She bursts into laughter and I can’t help it, I laugh too. My phone vibrates off the table and as  I pick it up, the screen lights up with an incoming call from none other than my mother. I don’t answer it, instead, I lay the phone face down on the table and it continues to ring. 

“Aren’t you going to answer that?” 

I take the entire vanilla scoop of my cone into my mouth as it’s starting to melt, “It’s mum.” 

“Addie, you know you can’t run away forever. You both have to talk this out.” Cassidy advises in a really soft voice. My phone stops ringing and when I pick it up, a text from my mother pops on the screen. Her text is some sort of address, asking us to meet there so we can talk. 

As much as I hate to admit it, Cassidy is right. I need to figure out where I stand in all of these. 

“Fine.” I stand to my feet and hand her what’s left of my ice cream cone. “Thanks for the ice cream but in case you ask me to pay you back later, remember I only had one scoop and you took the rest.”

Cassidy glares at me and I rush out before she can lash out at me and also before she can notice the twenty bucks missing from her purse. 

I am long gone before I realize the cute boy never asked for my number. Cassidy’s crash course should never make it past our dorm room.